A bit of Autumn light "Releaf" for you

Autumn is hard work for us gardeners; deciduous trees offer little relief from endless backbreaking tasks, although they provide much compost, visual joy and colourful elegance in the balletic descent of their decaying leaves.

Mirth, perhaps, as lettuce leaves but, otherwise, not too much humour in the mix.

So here is a little quiz to amuse:

Which, in the picture below, is the odd one out? Answer in due course.

 

The green one?

 

I assume one is from an evergreen tree, but they are too small to ID.

 

Ivy

 

The black slime mould?

 

Here is the answer:

Mrs Lao had been preparing our salad lunch while I was picking up leaves from the lawn. When I joined her, I noticed a dead leaf next to my plate and said How did that leaf get there?
What leaf?
That leaf.
That’s not a leaf.
What is it then?
Pick it up.

I picked it up and realised - the illlusion had been perfect - it was in fact the crust of the tip of a French baguette!

 

About the same moisture content as a dead leaf...perhaps slightly less
And today's tip for those getting on a bit and finding that they need the loo rather more often than before......Just visualise a three-day-old baguette. Think ferociously hard about it's texture, solidity and above all, it's dryness Works like a charm!

 

What a pity you never said! There was a great prize awaiting the first person to get it right!

 

You might not be aware, but "ivy" [ee-vuh] is Finnish for "crust of the tip of a French baguette". Looking forward to the great prize!

 

Goodness, I was not aware of it, else, you would already have received your prize.

If you have read Dostoyevsky’s The Idiot, you will know the kind of character I am; Mrs Lao is cut from a different block and does not believe that “ee-vuh” means “crust of the tip of a French baguette”, she says two syllables is too short (she actually said “are too short” because she was in a pretentious mood), she went on to say: they would be the equivalent of the shortest possible guessing-game-quote in the world which is: “To be ...”; when you play the game and say “To be ...” immediately everyone says: “... or not to be”. She continued, “and if one says "ee-vuh", no one says “crust of the tip of a French baguette”.

As I have said before: Honi soit qui mal y pense. We have tried to investigate, without success; the Finnish people we have approached put an end to the discussion by saying they had never heard of anything like that but that this did not mean that it was not the case, any more than the lack of evidence of a teapot orbiting the sun implies that there isn’t one; philosophy is made of sterner stuff.

Now we know why the Finns are such great diplomats.

Where does all this leave us?

I am going to take a leaf out of Lev Nikolayevich Myshkin’s book and leave the whole thing to your good judgement; if you think the prize is right for you, then it is yours. It consists of an art print of a beautiful black and white photograph (the negative dates back to the mid nineteen fifties, although the print is contemporary). If this appeals to you and you are able to give an address in Finland or elsewhere, it will be sent to you by return. If, for personal reasons, you are unable to give an address, it can be sent to you “care of” the Gardener’s Forum (if they can give me an administrative address).

All that remains to be said is Congratulations on winning the great prize.

 

And breathe.....

 

Yes, you must claim it; you have deserved it, if only for ingenuity, wit, and imagination.

As for “Ivy”, as the French say: “C’est l’ivy!”

So, looking forward to an address, please.