Latest Moan From You and Me 2024

The same ad company have done a couple of ads for a thing called 'Foodhub' - - I notice one of them that was a bit saucy/smutty hasn't been shown in a while, so it was probably quietly banned, but both were really awful. I think you are being kind to say they are using a studio if I am honest - I think it is done with mobile phones and a PC (and I am not joking)

 

Do you want the BBQs, that I can get a great deal on, as well?

 

I will be able to buy you everything you want before too long - I apparently have a long lost Nigerian cousin who is also a Prince, but his life is currently in danger; he has lost one of his palaces, although isn't bothered as he has another four, but currently cannot get to any of them. Worse still, he has had to freeze his main bank account that has around £632 billion Naira in it... that isn't as much when converted to Pounds, but it is still around £300 million apparently. To get to his money, he needs to get out of the country for a short while, so I am going to help sort a visa and max out my credit card for his flights to the UK - I don't actually need to buy anything, just transfer funds via Paypal (so it is nice and secure apparently) and he will be able to do the rest from his Paypal account. Once he is here he has said that he is going to gift me £100 million as a thank you.

I genuinely had no clue that I was part Scottish part Nigerian.

 

Apparently I have the chance to pick up twenty.

It's easy to win competitions you haven't entered as it is something to do with this newfangled social media thingy.

 

Hi cousin,

We must be related as I have a similar message from a Princess. She may be his wife or daughter.

I'll sort out the visas and you can send the money.

 

I'm not sure if my latest moan is the decline in education, or the general decline in law and order....

Yesterday, very close to home, at Sunbury Cross there was apparently a load of grief being caused by folks on motorbikes; Sunbury Cross is a large roundabout that sits under the start of the M3 motorway and on the main artery from the M25 to places like Twickenham and Hampton Court, so not exactly quiet. Apparently these eejits were riding the wrong way up motorway slip roads, the wrong way up the dual carriageways whilst popping wheelies and so on as well as letting fireworks off, so the police (rightly) closed the roads and posted warnings to locals on the local Facebook group. I made a fairly simple comment "I hope every last one of them get nicked" (exact words).. this morning, I have a message request with this message:



Now, I am not quite sure whether to worry that the juice will be leaking out of our large pitcher, but then on the other hand it is made of quite thick plastic so I am not sure how anyone would get shears through it.

Or if, as I suspect, Owen is meaning that my picture has been shared (presumably my profile picture, as I have no photos of me on Facebook that aren't at least 30 years old), then my picture is one of my dogs.

Owen also isn't very bright, as even if "no 1" got nicked, you can bet that police will have taken names and addresses of all involved and he has sent this from a named account - so Surrey Police may well be knocking on this door to add malicious communications to his woes (I don't think they will give him a smack, not least as he isn't a cow)

 

So have you forwarded it to the police?

 

Yes indeed. They are creating a crime report for malicious communications for it. I doubt anything will come of it as I even identifying who it is would be some leap for them - likely some daft lad in his mum's back bedroom thinking he is a hard man.

 

Bear in mind that the statement that "no 1" got nicked is from someone who was involved in creating the mayhem and apparently struggles to spell "no-one" "picture" and "shared"