Poems

Please post you poems you like, or think they are funny, here - they needn't just be plant related.

 

As almost all of us have mentioned having extra trouble with slugs this year I thought I would post this one written by my sister - a poet.

Ode to the Slug by Adrienne Tinn


You soft terrestrial gastropod the trail you leave for me
when in my morning garden is very plain to see -
the slime you set, the holes you make with ugly rasping tongue
upon the leaves and roots and buds of all my plants so young.

You are a most persistent pest that hunts around at night
and seeks out all my hostas and sweet peas once so bright.
And oh, my poor delphiniums, my lettuce, every bean
have been dined on with gusto. No more can they be seen.

There are many ways to kill you but I must needs take care
of other creatures round about who share my garden there.
I can go with a torch each night and hunt you out each one
then dropped in salt solution I’d see my duty done.

But I think I would rather find a different thing to do.
I’d make a trap – a jar of beer sunk into soil for you.
And then you’d drink and you might think as down you sink below,
‘I’ve eaten hostas, slurped the beer. Oh what a way to go!!’

 

An Onion and a Rose

By Adrienne Tinn


I wasn’t going to write at all on Covid.
I wasn’t going to tell about my woes-
The cough, sore throat, the tiredness that hits you.
But oh! I have to talk about my nose.

We all accept that we are born with that appendage,
Be it long or small or fat or thin.
It is a snout of very great importance
To help us breathing out and breathing in.

But no, I hadn’t thought of its importance
Regarding both our sense of smell or taste.
For the latter needs the former to be working
Or any tries for flavour goes to waste.

I lost my sense of taste and smell with Covid.
I could tell when salty, sweet or sour still.
But flavour flew and no amount of trying
Could bring it back. It was a bitter pill.

My lovely seedy bread was soft but tasteless.
Seeds could have been a mass of ants inside –
My soup a thick amorphous mass of liquid,
The fish and meat just lumps I couldn’t abide.

The cheese a chunk of salt that held no flavour,
An apple and a pear could be the same.
Peas and beans and cabbage all were tasteless.
They simply could have borne each other’s name.

I didn’t want to eat. It all seemed pointless.
Bu then! The tang of onion in the air!
Was that a smell? I couldn’t quite believe it.
Beloved onions are you really there?

Both senses came back home – a slow returning –
But oh, appreciation on my part!
The tang, the taste, the scent of all around me.
An onion and a rose will fill my heart.

 

A good old one:


The kiss of the sun for pardon,
the song of the birds for mirth,
one is nearer God's heart in a garden
than anywhere else on earth

Dorothy Frances Gurney

 

This was written by myself a few years ago but certainly is appropriate for this July and August and the start of September as we have had a drought.

I stop to hear this strange sound
Of something rustling on the ground
Something new? I'm not quite sure
I think I've heard that sound before
The air is sombre, the sky is drear
An atmosphere to presage fear
But no! It doesn't augur pain
It's just the sight and sound of rain.
-----------------------
Hooray, it raining - but not much. Sorry about the poor rhyme.

--------------
shiney

 

I tend to complain, as pleasantly as possible, when I receive goods that are faulty or a service I receive is not up to standard.

A few years ago I had reason to complain to Sainsbury's about their toilet paper so wrote them a poem complaining. I have posted this before but many years ago as I wrote it in 2002

A BIT OF A “BUMMER”
(or an inconvenience)


It is with regret I write to you
About a problem in my loo.
A product I bought, in your store,
Is starting to make my bum sore.
In days gone by I’ve used your brand
Of toilet rolls and found them grand.
But though they’re “super soft” by name
They certainly don’t feel the same
As those we’ve used for years and years -
They’ve brought us to the verge of tears!
So, Sainsbury’s, please bring back the days
When we can utter words of praise
For those fine rolls we use with ease,
That do their job; and also please.


They came back with a superb response:-

Dear Shiney,

I thank you for your charming rhyme,
It jumped out from my pile;
And when I showed it round the room
It more than raised a smile.

Our joy though did not last for long
As soon we had to learn
That toilet rolls from Sainsbury's
Have caused you great concern.

We tried to change these toilet rolls
To make them soft and new;
To make it fun for everyone
To sit upon the loo.

The Buyers I will notify
They make your bottom sore,
And we will do our best to make
Them softer evermore.

The voucher I am sending you
Comes with our great regret
That anything from Sainsbury's
Has caused you so to fret.

Yours sincerely

Alex Voskou
Manager - Customer Services

Enclosed: £5 voucher

And I thanked them:-

Your poem I received with joy
Knowing that you care
That my poor nether regions
Were in such disrepair.

I guess the voucher I received
Is not for me to try
To use here as a substitute –
That brings a tear to my eye!

So I’ll assume, and thank you
It’s sent in sympathy
For all the trauma suffered
Somewhere above the knee.

I’ll use it for the purpose
I think that you intend.
To buy your toilet rolls once more
To salve my tender end.

You’ve restored my faith in fellow man
Which recently went down the pan
Your voucher now seems heaven sent
To really placate my fundament.

To write in rhyme you have a gift
And your response gave me a lift.
I thank you, sir, so very much
For the way that you have kept in touch

With my plight
I won’t forget you
Customer Services and
Alex Voskou

 

Lyrics/poems are normally accepted as long as they are attributed or are non-commercial.

 

@ViewAhead continuing the 'technical' and modern type theme:-

God.com

Every single evening
As I'm lying here in bed,
This tiny little Prayer
Keeps running through my head:

God bless all my family
Wherever they may be,
Keep them warm and safe from harm
For they're so close to me.
And God, there is one more thing
I wish that you could do;
Hope you don't mind me asking,
Please bless my computer too.
Now I know that it's unusual
To Bless a motherboard,
But listen just a second
While I explain it to you, Lord.
You see, that little metal box
Holds more than odds and ends;
Inside those small compartments
Rest so many of my friends.
I know so much about them
By the kindness that they give,
And this little scrap of metal
Takes me in to where they live.
By faith is how I know them
Much the same as you.
We share in what life brings us
And from that our friendships grew.
Please take an extra minute
From your duties up above,
To bless those in my address book
That's filled with so much love.
Wherever else this prayer may reach
To each and every friend,
Bless each e-mail inbox
And each person who hits 'send'.
When you update your Heavenly list
On your own Great CD-ROM,
Bless everyone who says this prayer
Sent up to GOD.com
Amen

Unknown

 

A couple of comments on being bald (which I'm not ):-

CONSOLATION FOR BALDNESS

What’s the advantage of hair, anyhow?
It blows in your eyes and it flops on your brow,
Disguising the shape of your scholarly head;
It often is gray and it sometimes is red.

Perhaps it is golden and ringleted, but
It needs to be combed and it has to be cut,
And even at best it is nothing to boast of
Because it’s what barbarous men have the most of;

Then challenge you mirror, defiant and careless,
For lots of our handsomest people are hairless.

ARTHUR GUITERMAN




“God created a few perfect heads; the rest He covered with hair.”

DAVID E. BESWICK, from Bald Men Always came Out on Top