If you think YOU have trouble with your lawn.

We came across this greenkeeper today …

 

@LawnAndOrder what is this weed and how would you deal with it please?

 

It's probably ecologically better for both the soil and fauna from insects to small critters and birds.

Lawns with nothing but overmown grass are very sterile places and need a lot of maintenance - feeding, weeding, mowing, none of which have "green" credentails.

 

How very observant of you to notice; I was too busy trying to focus on the greenkeeper.

Regarding what it is, it’s hard to tell from this distance (I am about 1,270.9 miles from it, as I write) but, venturing a guess, I would say it could well be Geum urbanum. Anyway, one person's weed is another person's plant!

As to what I would do about it … If I had let things go that far, I would learn to love it … In fact, come to think of it, it looks very similar to the cover we have all over our front garden which, over the years, we have found to be an excellent burglar repellent; no need of alarms, either; if the robbers came in pairs, they would observe the aspect, and one would say to the other: We needn’t bother with this one! …

Suits us fine!

 

For anyone wanting an alternative to grass, try Phyla nodiflorum. It's fast, it's evergreen and when it's finished covering your designated lawn area it will cover your borders, climb up other plants and carpet your house too

 

I could not agree more! In fact, my lawn has somehow managed – goodness knows how – to attract the most phenomenal number of critters, both underground and over: we have thriving chafer grubs, leatherjackets, chinch bugs, webworms (they are real sods), aerating squirrels, fertilizing foxes, wasps and bees, worms casting their silky spells, birds galore savouring elasticated morsels, cats, mice, toads’ stools … so dense is the demand it has become the envy of the insect world … green is the only colour!

 

The honour is all mine! Whilst on the subject of rewards, I see that I have been awarded some 483 ratings points. I have no idea what they mean. Are these to be exchanged for 483 Pounds Sterling? Are they tokens for a visit to Kew? Or Wiseley? Do they represent 483 plants to be delivered to my door? Or glazed pots? … What are they?

 

I am not sure what that acronym stands for; is it “Extremely Grand Overdrive”?

 

Enormous gob open!

 

What does Jemimah Steinfeld think of this then?

 

Had to look her up! Am no sure what she might think, though given she appears to be an anti-censorship crusader, she probably approves.

 

Oh, that.

Once you reach 10 000 points a special section in the forum will open and you can freely indulge in the delights of... actually, I'm not supposed to reveal anything.

See you there soon, don't forget the cheese!