A Joke Or Two 2025

An oldie

A fifteen-year-old Amish boy and his father were in a shopping centre. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "What is this Father?"

The father (never having seen a lift) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an old woman with a cane moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady ambled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number… and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally, the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....

"Go get your Mother."

 

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A guy goes into a seafood restaurant and asks to see the dishes of the day. The waiter wheels over a trolley and the man examines the dishes.

“I’ll have the little green squid with the hairy lip, please” says the man.

“Okay.” replies the waiter and calls out “Gervais!!”

A little French chef appears with a large knife, the waiter instructs the chef to kill the little green squid with the hairy lip.

Gervais is just about to slice at the poor squid when he notices a tear running down its face. Gervais is touched and says that he hasn’t the heart to kill the squid.

“Not to worry” says the waiter and calls out “Hans!!” at which an enormous German bloke comes out of the kitchen.

“Sir”, says the waiter, “this is Hans, the dishwasher. Hans, kill that squid!”

The dishwasher wields a huge meat clever and is just about to kill the little green squid with the hairy lip when it cringes back and gives a little cry.

“I am sorry, I just cannot kill the squid” Hans admits, his lower lip trembling.

“Well sir,” says the waiter, “it just goes to show… That Hans that do dishes, can be soft as Gervais, with the mild green, hairy lip squid”

 

This joke requires you to be old enough to remember the TV ads.
I first heard this joke from Denis Norden on My Word in the 70's.

 

A short time after the Ark has crashed into Mount Ararat and the animals are busy repopulating the drying world (especially the rabbits). Noah's son Ham comes to Noah and says Dad all the animals are multiplying except for adders. Noah thinks and then goes to the adders and asks "why aren't you multiplying" and the answer "comes back because we're adders".
Noah strokes beard and thinks a bit then says to Ham "bring me some fire wood", Ham brings the wood and Noah puts it in the snake pit and says to the adders "there you go use logs".

 

Blimey, I remember a very old Maths teacher coming out with something very similar to this about 60 yrs ago.

 

@Pete8, I have to 'fess up to not having heard that before and, being old enough to remember the advert, think it is extremely clever.

 

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