Fun With Another Unsolicited Phone Call

Nowadays I get my enjoyment where I can!!! :WINK1:

 

Unsolicited Call Part Two

For reasons I won't go into we have three landlines at home so we tend to get the unsolicited calls in groups.

Today's calls:-

Another Indian sounding voice (to be fair - there are other ethnic groups you can choose from, that have a similar generic sound) comes on the phone.

"Is that Mr....."

"Who's calling?"

"I'm Mike from Windows technical services and we have a report that you have a virus on your computer"

I then go through all the usual messing around questions asking him how he knows about my computer and how he hs got the information. Then I say:-

"Do you realise that you have been redirected to the Fraud Department of the British Overseas Police?"

Not having really listened to what I said he repeats what he said before,

and I reply:-
"You obviously didn't understand what I said to you. We are the Police Fraud Department and we're monitoring all your calls to this country."

Calmly, "I don't think so" and he hangs up.

About 30 seconds later one of the other lines rings and I pick it up.

"Is that Mr...?"

"Is that Mike calling?"

Pause, "Yes, I'm from etc"

"Hello, Mike, I knew it was you. I told you we're monitoring your calls. you can't get away from us".

He hangs up.

30 seconds later the third line rings and I pick up.

"Hello, is that Mr...."

"Hello, Mike, I told you that you can't get away from us. We'll be monitoring you for the rest of the day."

Silence from the other end so I say quite loudly but away from the phone

"Alright boys, maybe we should keep monitoring this one for the whole week."

A sort of gulp from the other end before it goes dead.

 

A good title, Tiarella

I've been messing these people around for years but don't prepare any of what I say. Some of my responses are just bog standard acting thick and very interested. Others like those above, and some of the others I've put on GC, are completely impromptu and pop into my head suddenly. I'm sure I'm running out of things to say :(

 

That's a good one Kristen.

I was feeling a bit sorry for myself today as I'm suffering with 'man-flu'. So I thought, when I received phone call today, that I shouldn't be the only one to suffer



“Hello”

“We have a report that you have a virus on your computer.”

“Oh, dear! I wondered what the cause was. Can you help me?”

Ahh, you’ve already noticed that you have a virus. Don’t worry we can solve the problem quite easily.”

“Wonderful!! When will you come round and what are you going to do?”

“We don’t need to come round. We can do everything from here.”

“Fantastic! It’s wonderful what modern science can do. How long does it take to work?”

“Not long. You just have to download some software that we can send to you.”

“Brilliant! Is this on the National Health? Because I’m a poor old pensioner and can’t afford anything.”

“There’s only a small charge but it solves all your problems.”

“Wow! Can it solve my other problems as well?”

“What are these other problems?”

“Well, my biggest problem is my back, up to now.”

“That’s OK, we have some other software to sort out back-up problems.”

“Great! Well, tell me what to do.”

“I’ll tell you what to type into your computer and it will show you on the screen what problems you’ve got.”

“Amazing! Will it tell me how I got this virus?”

“It’ll show you lots of things that are wrong but we can solve them all.”

“I always thought that you couldn’t sort out ‘Man-flu’ and that it just had to run its natural course.”

“Sorry, I don’t understand!”

“Well, I’m surprised that you can sort out my virus through the computer, but I suppose you don’t want to catch it yourself. Where did you get your medical training?”

Puzzled voice. “I don’t have any medical training but I’m highly trained in IT.”

“Oh, if you’re trained in it I suppose you’re OK. Do I have to take any pills because I have trouble swallowing?”

Pause. “I’m not sure I understand!”

“Well, if you don’t understand then I don’t want any medical help from you!” And I slammed the phone down.