A joke or two.

Velcro, what a rip off

 

A Psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.
"You all have obsessions," He Observed.
To the first mother ,Mary, he said,"You are obsessed with eating,you've even named your daughter Candy".
He turned to the second mum,Ann: "Your obsession is Money,again it manifests itself in your child's name,Penny".
He turned to the third mum,Kathy:."Your obsession is alcohol,this also shows itself in your child's name,Brandy".

At this point,the fourth mother,Joyce,quietly got up,took her little boy by the hand and whispered,
"Come on dick,this guy has no idea what he's talking about"
"lets pick Willie up from school and go home".

 

Bloke leans back in his recliner and says to his beloved,
"When I die,Sweetheart, I'm going to leave everything to You".
She replied "You already do that,you Lazy B******!!!!!.

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Dr Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Ohio State University,has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric,when cold weather sets in.

At the news Conference,after announcing the invention,a large group of men took
Dr Rickson outside, and kicked his Ass, Several times!!!!.

 

Whats the difference between iron man and iron woman?

Iron man is a superhero, iron woman is an instruction.

(desperately runs for cover)

 

That is one of the most bizzare things i've ever seen without hallucenogens

 

Energetic person - puts a lot of effort into fart
Bashful person - Farts then blushes
Deceitful person - Farts and blames someone else
Unlucky person - Farts and ****s themselves
Self obsessed - Likes the smell of own farts
Perverted person - Likes the smell of others farts
Musical person - Can create a melody with a fart
Aquaman - Farts in bath
Evil person - Farts in church
Conniving person - Hangs farts for the big one
Ultimate looser - Farts while copulating
Animal abuser - Farts and blames the dog
Insincere person - Farts then blames the squeaky couch
Sacrilege, usually a Rich illegitimate child - Farts on BMW leather
Giddy person - Farts and laughs uncontrollably.
Impetuous person - Forces a fart and ends up with a skid mark
Military type - Can fart on command
Devious person - waits until people are in close proximity, then erupts
Lactose intolerant person - Can render a room uninhabitable in seconds
A chancer - Farts in company and hopes they got away with it
The Space maker - Farts in crowded pub
The Soprano - squeaky farts
The Tilter - lifts cheek from seat to fart
The John Daly -Farts when swinging golf club
The Cougher - tries to hide fart with cough
The Echo - Large fart followed by smaller
The Despicable - Farts on crowded bus where there is no escape
The 747 (or Jumbo)- Involuntary fart on airplane
The Legend - Can stand straight faced in a crowded lift while he/she unleashes an S.B.D on the unfortunate occupants.

 

I think you do more than compost tea at these Hydroponic shops DIM ?

Jack McH

 

I walked into a Pub last night,there were 2 large girls drinking at the Bar.

I noticed they had strange accents,so I asked them,

"Hi are you 2 Girls from Scotland?".
One of them screamed at me, "Its Wales ,You Idiot,Wales!!!".
So I immediately apologized and said,
"Are you 2 Whales from Scotland".

My Wife is Now Attending to my Black Eye. .

 

Wot? Only ONE black eye?

 

Shiney

Please could i print off Five rules of life Please

 

Thank you it will come in handy with the work mates