Do you miss your parents?

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by "M", Feb 14, 2013.

  1. "M"

    "M" Total Gardener

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    For those who are "orphaned", obviously. :heehee:

    Having a bit of a nostalgia kick today and I realised just how much I miss out on (having been born to 'older' parents).

    So much worldly wisdom; traditional advice. Inspiration. Experience.

    I didn't have the luxury of Grandparents and my parents were a relatively short lived aspect of my life (but hugely valued, nonetheless). Just, well some days, I feel their absence more keenly.

    Am I alone? :dunno:

    Do you miss your parents? And, if you do, what is it you miss the most?

    For me, it is their wisdom/experience/advice (I can still recall their hugs in my minds eye, so those, are not quite so missed).

    Just thinking aloud.
     
  2. Jiffy

    Jiffy The Match is on Fire

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    Do i miss my parents, No, I'm finding out things about my family :help: i didn't and wouldn't even dream about :mute: not nice :runforhills:
     
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    • Fat Controller

      Fat Controller 'Cuddly' Scottish Admin! Staff Member

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      My mum is still alive thankfully, albeit a good few hundred miles away; my dad died about four years ago now, and to be honest it was something of a relief for me when I got the news. I hadn't seen my dad since I was thirteen and he put me on a bus to travel to the other side of Scotland to go to my mums house (which I had only visited a couple of times, and barely knew where it was).

      Its a long story that I won't bore you all with, but suffice to say that he did quite a lot of damage throughout my childhood, in more than one way, so I don't miss him a jot.
       
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      • "M"

        "M" Total Gardener

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        Aww, Jiffy :grphg:

        My own family history has so many skeletons we should be a designated graveyard! :heehee:

        But, life has taught me that we have to stand back, put things into historical perspective: sometimes forgive, sometimes merely try to understand but, above all; never "judge".

        It can be quite a challenge to apply *our* standards/norms, to *their* standards/norms. Even, to some extent, the unsavoury parts. They all have their own story to tell, their own defence; given their own yardstick of "norm".

        I'm sorry your venture into discovering the past would appear to be a distasteful one :cry3:

        Mine isn't all roses either. But, I prefer to consider *their* norms, *their* experiences and options/circumstances rather than impose my, more modern/progressive standards.
         
      • Jiffy

        Jiffy The Match is on Fire

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        Thanks Mum

        My parents are still alive, but when you talk to people about some of the things that as happen they all think your telling porkys, If Miss Jiff and I were to write a book it would be a best seller, no joke on that one

        A big :grphg: back
         
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        • "M"

          "M" Total Gardener

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          Totally get that! But, a question for you: did you *learn* something from that?

          You see, even a perceived "poor" parental experience, teaches us something: either a) that's how to parent!; or b) forget it, that is how *not* to parent. Both equal: a lesson in experience, don't you think? :dunno:

          Maybe I'm just a bit more nosey than most :heehee: ?

          Even, in my perception, poor parenting choices makes me wonder, why did they do that!? What was life like then? What were the influences which would make that choice, or this choice more "normal"attractive to them? What choices did they actually have? Hobsons?

          I didn't have "star" parents. But, by that same token, I didn't have any other parents to compare them to. I had two: father, mother. They were who they were. Warts and all.

          They didn't get it right all the time (by *my* view!), but I do get a sense that they tried to better their own experience of being a "parent". By today's standards, it could, potentially, be deemed "lacking" in certain areas; but, having researched social history, I do get a sense that, to their minds, and despite their faults; they were "progressive" parents. Not wishing to make the same mistakes *their* parents made. Even though those "mistakes" may leave modern families thinking: :huh:

          But, in some ways, that is my point: I miss having the luxury of their "advice/experience" so that I can formulate my own stance on it.
           
        • redstar

          redstar Total Gardener

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          Like you Mum, I was a child of older parents.
          Also, did not have grandparents.
          My father passed when I was 21 years old, I actually found him dead in bed when I came home from work. Studdered for most the day trying to get the funeral home organized and call relatives. You see I had to grow up fast from age 13 years old, as my mother was no longer around much do to illness. (leave it at that). I did not have a typical teen age life full of fun, laziness and dreams.
          When my mother returned I was about 20 years old, she had lost credibility in my eyes as far as a parental roll.
          I did have a brother 4 1/2 years yonger, worthless.
          I stayed at the homestead, while putting myself through college with NO support from "her". It was cheaper that way then getting out. I actually paid some rent to her as she was on a fixed income.
          My dad when he was alive was ok, he was pleasent, he himself had, had a hard life so I wonder if certain things did not just come natural to him because of his life. My dad was ophaned when he was 14 years old. Near the end of my dad's life, last 6 years, his arthritis was hard on him, he needed crutches. My mom later passed on when I was 36 years old. There are a few pleasent things to remember with her, mixed in with some very hurtful things from her that she should have not said. Maybe God has had a hard talk with her. So for those special life events, did not have a dad walk me down the ailse, not see me graduate from college. Nor did my mother see me graduate from college she was too old to make the trip.
          Yes, I also, am shy things other "children" take for granite.

          No I really don't miss my parents. What I think I miss is that "Parent " person, the one that is there for you, that loves you no matter what, supportive. The one who remember your "special" something, because it counts so much to you and no one else.

          People say, when you get to heaven you will see your parents. I say, I hope to see my dogs, they I miss.
           
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          • "M"

            "M" Total Gardener

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          • Julie D

            Julie D Gardener

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            I was also born to older parents but thankfully both are still alive (85 and 89) and I look after them. My parents are perfect and my best friends, I don't have any other friends so I worry everyday about a lonely future with no one to talk to.
             
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            • Fat Controller

              Fat Controller 'Cuddly' Scottish Admin! Staff Member

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              Oh, I learned from it, without doubt - it made me absolutely determined that the way that my daughter (and Mrs for that matter) get treated would be the polar opposite of the way my dad treated my mum and me.

              He was a 'man's man' who thought that a woman's place was in the home, dinner had to be on the table when he got home from work, and he wouldn't lift a finger in terms of housework (and I don't joke when I say he would sit and look at it needing done, but not lift a finger as it was woman's work); in my house its an equal split all the way - if something needs done, it gets done by either or both of us.

              My dad was a 'hit first and ask questions later' type of guy - again, the reverse is the case with me.

              Maybe some of it was to do with the era we were in then compared with now, but I am not convinced. My grandfather (mum's side) was a stocky wee stonemason who was as strong as an ox, but he would never dream of lifting his hand in anger, and indeed he was a true gentleman - - in fact, if I am even half the gentleman he was, I will be content.

              Don't get me wrong, I sometimes get told that I am overly strict with our wee one - and I am sure that I make mistakes as everyone does as a parent; but, she knows she is safe, loved, and has boundaries to live within, and I would far rather be that way than have her doing pretty much what she likes and us not knowing where she is or what she is doing half the time.
               
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              • Jenny namaste

                Jenny namaste Total Gardener

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                Mum, in spite of the somewhat sad and wistful feelings that come across to me in your post, I think you have turned out to be a well qualified, successful wife and mother who has very right to feel proud of whom she is. Whatever the shortfalls or brevity in your time you had with them I feel that you knew love from them both - sufficient to enable you to grow into the lady you now are....
                Whereas, FC I believe has a rather sad and dark past and missed out on many of the treasures that come from being one of a family. But, look at the way you have turned out too FC. A man of compassion with a great sense of fairness and respect for others and an inbuilt drive to succeed in all that you do. You have my respect.

                Me, born of a very young lass who was sent far away from her parents to an "establishment" to give birth . I was adopted and although I was brought up in a good Christian home (with certain shortcomings) I never felt as though I was " one of them". Always felt different, on the edge and never adequate. It was so hard for many families after WW2 and there were difficult memories to try and bury. Still, I received a good education and still have a love of life and this eagerness to learn things. In pretty good health and feel more at peace now than I have ever felt . it really does just seem to get better as I grow older.
                How lucky and blessed I am even though I never knew my mother or my father,
                Jenny namaste
                 
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                • Freddy

                  Freddy Miserable git, well known for it

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                  My parents died when I was quite young. What do I miss? Getting to know them....
                   
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                  • redstar

                    redstar Total Gardener

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                    Well, Freddy, of the memories you have of them, I hope they were positive and loving.

                    Julie, hope you do find a "special" friend soon to help support you when they leave. You do know it is special you have them so long.
                     
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                    • Fat Controller

                      Fat Controller 'Cuddly' Scottish Admin! Staff Member

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                      Bless you, Jenny.

                      The past was quite dark, yes. But, the future is as bright as we want it to be - we can but do our best, and hope to leave some sort of legacy behind (even if that is only a kind word or deed).
                       
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                      • redstar

                        redstar Total Gardener

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                        Don't you just love the feeling of being left out.
                         
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