When you die: Don't forget to let us know!

Can I book my leaving party now please.... 10th November 2031

I will only be 66 ! Blumming 66 is that all I get. Well if that's the case I am going to party like it's 2030!

 

If I pop me cloggs, I'm sure people will figure it out. Certain key people have my direct contact details, should I go silent without explanation.

For some reason, this reminds me of something spooky that happened when I was 5. My nanna died. Not unusual, that sort of thing happens. I dreamed of her afterwards. Again not unusual. Except in this dream, instead of being her usual jolly self, she was serious. She led me by my hand to a cupboard in the the back room, and showed me that the floor of the cupboard was a a false floor. A thin panel lifted up to reveal lots of important looking papers. My parents had search in vain for these papers (though I didn't know what they were searching for, being too young to understand). In my dream, my nanna was adamant that I tell the grown-ups what she'd shown me and said she couldn't tell them herself because they wouldn't listen. Next day we went round there, and I mentioned it. I got told off for upsetting my mam, but I went to said cupboard anyway, and managed to peel up the false floor panel. I was told some years later that that's where they found the will and insurance documents etc.

 

I made a few comparisons:

Each increase, of one, on my BMI costs me about a year's life

If I increase my drinking from once a month (in practice I drink less than that, but not "never") to twice-a-week (which I would regard as "light") that costs me 5 years

But best of all I've decided to have the "Op". Changing to Female will get me an extra 5 years

 

Foresight on your Mother's part then: ... giving you a unisex name

 

I am more concerned about what happens to 'ME' when I go
Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell is afraid I will take over!

 

If I put my DOB as 1905, with my debauched lifestyle I get to live for 111 years (I put the worse response for every answer):



But if I change my DOB (but not changing my lifestyle, and again putting the worst response for every single answer) to 2013, I find it's reduced to 30 years:




OMG, has Life Expectancy/NHS/etc. really deteriorated that much since Edwardian times? Or does that death clock site dish out a load of tosh?

 

Don't fret - I'll pop you in my compost heat

 

Jeez, I didn't realise it was accurate!
thought it was a lighthearted thing

 

Awww thanks poppet

 

Couldn't have you going to waste, could I

 

#
Got it sorted thanks to @HarryS its the 12 March 2022, if you would like to book for the funeral followed by a plant gathering session after there is a £50 booking fee payable right now.

 

Can't we do 'COD'?? Cash on death

 

No way, advance payments only.
Fist come first served, if you get in now you could make the front row.

 

Doh!

Doh
I am skint