Bullying in the workplace: ...

... just throwing this out there ( because it can be a bit of a taboo subject)

Does anyone have any experience of this? (that you are prepared to share, of course!).

How did it affect you? (Short term/long term/at all?)

How did you cope with it?

What steps, if any, did you take to deal with it?

Do you regret *not* taking steps? (If applicable) Or, perhaps you regret taking any steps?

Was it resolved to your satisfaction? If not, would you care to elaborate?

Do you believe you would do anything differently if a similar set of circumstances presented itself in the future?

At which point do you: a) *do* something; b) resign yourself to it and ignore it; c) resign (!); d) decide it really isn't worth it (either by deed or in principle)?

Just asking.

 

I've witnessed it, both as the 'target' (I wont say victim, because I wont allow any boss to make me a victim), and as a friend of the 'target'.

Short term, it made me work exactly to the letter of my contract, and nothing more. This is unusual for me, as my work ethic is to do the job that needs to be done, not just what I'm paid to do. Longer term, it made me set the wheels in motion to get out of there. I must admit that at one point, I started to believe that this was the new norm in industry, and also started looking at exit strategies from the entire industry, but then I gave myself a clip round the lughole and reminded myself that one bad manager doesn't represent the whole industry.

See above.

In the first instance, a polite but firm word direct with the manager in question. No grovelling, no apologies, just statement of fact, that they did/said this, I found this unacceptable for this reason, if it continues then I will take this course of action.

No regrets. I dealt with the situation in my usual cold, calculating manner. I knew where I wanted to work next, but I knew that the time wasn't right (wont go into detail), so I bided my time until the time was right, made the necessary phone calls, and went to work there.

Yes. It couldn't have worked out better. I am now in a company I like, working for and with people I like, in a location I like, doing a job that I like.

Possibly. Each case needs to be assessed on its own set of circumstances. For example, had I not had in mind my first choice of other company, I wouldn't have waited til circumstances were favourable for me to apply there, I'd have just spammed the agencies and got something else instead (I did spam the agencies, because of course I needed a plan B, a safety net, in case my master plan didn't quite work).

You do something the instant it becomes a problem in your opinion. Bullies are a disease. They don't simply go away untreated. You can't say 'oh its just because of..', or 'it'll be alright in...'. That said, and you know this because you're a planner like me, you treat it all like a game of chess. You wouldn't send the castle to take out a pawn without first checking that doing so wont leave you in check mate. Always pre-empt every conceivable reaction to your challenge, and know how you will deal with that reaction, and always pre-empt every reaction to your reaction to their reaction too. That sorts out your point d too, as your plan should always include a contingency, such that it is always really worth it.

At the end of the day, and modern bosses don't like us to realise this, when you work for someone, you rent out a particular skill set for a particular chunk of time. You are not renting or selling your soul.

 

I come to it in from the opposite side. About a year ago I was spoken to by my line manager. One of my colleagues, not someone who I usually worked with or had much interaction with at all, had complained to their line manager that I was bullying them and they had to take the complaint seriously as they would prefer not to involve HR. Apparently I had contradicted the complainant on more than one occasion and they didn't like the way I looked at them.
Well not a lot I could say in defence, we work in a relatively small space and share a small tea room so inevitably you look at other people. So apologised and said any offence was unintentional.
Since then I have avoided the complainant like the plague and only speak to them in the presence of other people and only in response to a question. Also I make sure I am not on my own in a room with them.
What would I do if it happened again tell them to go to HR and make a formal complaint.

 

That's always been my approach at the first hint of a major disagreement at work. If it doesn't look like you're going to resolve it quickly, I'd rather have the formal process enacted, rather than let tensions fester.

 

Read your local policy document on bullying and read it again!
Document all the instances where you have felt bullied. Remember to keep copies of any emails etc.
If you feel able to speak to the bully do so, sometimes, though this is inexcusable the bully may be coming from a place of stress and not realise they are behaving as they are, or as NigelJ says the way we communicate may be also be misinterpreted. Hopefully you may be able to sort things out amicably.
You can opt to sit it out, this may be a one off incident and blow over, if not you will have documented it established an evidence base, to substantiate any future complaint.
If you are in a union you could have a chat with your rep.
If you feel comfortable doing so you could talk to your manager or their manager (if your manager is the bully) or HR - but this will be documented and may set a ball rolling.
Unfortunately bullying has no legal redress but harassment has so unless you can associate the bullying with age, sex etc.which can constitute harrassment, you are dependant on how your company upholds its bullying policy.
It is really stressful and upsetting to feel that you are being bullied, know you have the support of this community and as Fat Controller said nobody should be forced out of a job!
I have sat in with folk being bullied as a union rep in a former job and any case you bring will be more effective if you can be, as Clueless said "cold and calculating" and link factual instances with breaches in local policy. If you can get someone you trust to check your interpretation of the policy too, just to make sure that your complaint will upheld.
Bullies usually rely on people not fighting back appropriately!
Hope it is all soon resolved -Good luck!

 

Well, my other half was tolled to _ _ _ _ off a few times by a guy at work, same guy, he tolled other half that she is wired up wrong and it's that time of the month, Other half said "well that's my excuse what's your's" Then she was talking to another guy who didn't like what he said to other half, this guy then had him by throut agaist the wall all good friends now

And then there was 18 years of bulling from a nasty neighbour which we had to leglly fight him, but then we sat back and watch and didn't bite back, this got to him worst

then they was the familys

 

My experience of bullies is confined to working with a difficult colleague with an unpleasant personality and an anger management issue. It took me some years to answer back but it was amazing - and pathetic- how quick she backed off when I did.

However, the atmosphere in that work place was never good, largely thanks to her. I tended to think it was my fault until I had the resolve and good fortune to move on to a much pleasanter place where people behaved normally.

Unlike others, I think it is often better to cut your losses and move on even if there's a sense of 'giving in', because it is damaging and depressing to live in those circumstances for any length of time and one is better off going about one's daily work in a mentally free and happy atmosphere. I think it's just as damaging to get involved in the psychological battles that would be required to fight it. However, my career was fairly 'portable' and that's possibly not true of many other people.

 

I would agree with Madahhlia. It was a long time ago and I presume things have improved a bit in the workplace but what do you do when the chief chief of a huge company decides he wants a lot more from you than what's on your job description?! Personnel or as it is nowadays HR I think I'm right in saying, is hardly going to have much success in tackling the MD of a multinational corporation. I had little option, either do what the sleeze bag wanted or leave. I left and set up my own business...best move I ever made, so happy ending for me.

 

Trouble is tin this economic climate, bullies have the upper hand in many institutions, and for many folk there are not a great deal of job options out there atm which if you have a family to support can be very difficult. I remember supporting one lady who was two years from claiming her public sector pension, after 35 years of paying in. She had always really enjoyed her job and was happy to stay at the grade she was at, having been in the post 20+ years. Her new young line manager felt threatened by her experience and could not understand why she did not want to progress further in the institution! So to stamp her authority the young manager tried to undermine my colleague in front of others , to overload her with things that the manager was struggling with and bully her. When it was pointed out that my colleague was not after the managers job, was keen to be supportive and was happy to embrace change, within reason, the situation was calmed. The manager actually grew into her role and the two had a healthy respect for each other and managed to jog along without further unpleasantness until my colleague retired.
Obviously with choice we have one life and if you don't want to waste time being around destructive people, you would move on.

 

I was bullied in my workplace by my relief manager who had more seniority than me, it was racial, she was proud of the fact several other people had resigned and she openly boasted, it was one of the contributing factors in taking early retirement and returning to the U.K. I recall one occasion when she made a derogatory comment in front of a shop full of customers, it was Grand National day, and she was assigned to my office by H.R. to help. One of my regulars always called me sweetheart in Gaelic, and I was laughing at him saying, It could be a rude word for all I knew, and she quipped up, I was making a mockery of their National language, I fumed all day until the office was closed then had a blazing row in front of the other staff members, I should have taken it to H.R. but thought not to involve top management. It just became insidious after that.

 

That depends on who is doing the bullying. If its the boss, or the boss knows about it but chooses to do nothing, it could in some circumstances be constructive or unfair dismissal. I can't remember the exact definition of each, but ACAS will explain for free. They don't have to actually sack you for it to be unfair dismissal. (or constructive, like I said, I can't remember the very subtle difference between the two). It is basically when the management cause or allow others to cause you to be unable to do your job so that you feel you have no option but to leave. No good taking my word on this though. I knew it inside out once, when I was helping a mate fight a case, but that was a long time ago and I can't remember half of what I learned, but ACAS will explain it all in total confidence and with no obligation to do anything.

I think this is just what some employers want us to think. In my particular industry at least (IT) we have the exact opposite problem. When we need to add to our team, we have a right job finding people. Its not in the least bit unusual (certainly in my sector) for adverts to go out saying that we want to hear from anyone from graduate/trainee level, right through to senior, with opportunity to cross train.

 

Thank you all for taking the time to share your experiences and knowledge. I always appreciate the honesty of our members - very refreshing!

I'm saddened to read about the experiences though - on both sides (thanks for that @NigelJ)

I've got my mother's phrase zipping around my thoughts at the moment: "Now't as queer as folk"

 

UPDATE:


The bullies ... have left the building.
The bullies have *left* the building.
The bullies have left the *business*

 

No more bullying now it will make life easyer
10 ton weight lifted

Edit Pushed or jumped??????