Deep Thoughts - (With apologies to Douglas Adams)

I never let friendship get in the way of a good insult, not that I have many friends.


If my privates have been retired from active service, am I eligible for veterans' benefits?


You can lead a donkey to water, but it's still an ass.

 

My reason for looking at girls:- (that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it )

Never wilfully ignore beauty, because we have a moral and religious obligation to appreciate God's creation.

 

I can take a hint, as long as it's not subtle.
Shiney

If voting could really change things it would be illegal.
Anon

A photo I took in Australia

 

There are two types of people in the world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data sets.

 

How may Freudians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two - One to screw in the light bulb and one to hold the penis... I mean ladder.

 

@Val.. the sentence is incomplete (incomplete data set) because I have only given one option. You have to extrapolate what the second is.

You're either one who can or one who can not.

Clear as mud?

 

Arguing about whether the glass is half full or half empty misses the point, which is this:-

The bartender cheated you.

 

This should be on a banner over all politicians at the hustings.

"Never trust people who can bribe you with your own money."
Shiney
(So, who's cynical about the fantastic things they say they'll give you? )

 

I'm sure many of you know someone like this, but may not admit it

She is outspoken - but we don't know by whom!!!

 

This, supposedly, came from the CSA files.

"..I do not know the identity of my baby's father. After all, when you eat a tin of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.."