Outside the house a moment ago - "I would, but we have to go and see your f*$¥!#}g mother" That's the spirit Medway, Happy Mothers Day!
I dreaded any of our neighbours overhearing a conversation I had with one of my children when he was 6 years old. He was in the garden and all I could hear was banging. So, I called to him (from the kitchen): "Darling, whatever are you doing!?" He called back, very cheerfully: "I'm making a stick with nails in for you to beat us with"
One of my other son's went one better. At infants school they would write a "dairy" on a Monday morning. He was in his first year and merrily wrote: "Played bottom game with Daddy and Mummy"
I don't know if you've seen this, it's quite old, but really made me smile. The mum had to contact the school to advise that she ran a hardware store that now had a new lot of snow shovels in stock and was not infact a pole dancer!
I remember my eldest daughter came back from the shop having bought some sweets. She said "the lady (shopkeeper) called me a tart". Of course, the wife wasn't too pleased. Questioned on it my daughter said "yeah, she called me a sweet tart" (sweetheart) Kids eh?
I used to hear lots of shouting, but i can't repeat it on here, but her son used to lock her in her room when she was alive