Todays Joke Thread....

Discussion in 'The Muppet Show' started by Banana Man, Dec 4, 2007.

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  1. Floydgreg

    Floydgreg Gardener

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    An English professor told her students that there would be no excuse for not showing up for their final exam, except for serious injury, illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.

    A smartass in the back of the room asked, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"

    The entire class did its best to stifle their laughter.

    When silence was restored, the teacher smiled sympathetically at the student, shook her head, and sweetly said, "You can write with your other hand."
     
    Floydgreg, Dec 6, 2007
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  2. youngdaisydee

    youngdaisydee Gardener

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    I Like It ........... [​IMG]
     
    youngdaisydee, Dec 6, 2007
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  3. strongylodon

    strongylodon Old Member

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    I posted this one a long time ago but newer members may not have heard it, short but sweet.

    Q. What's a Chicken Tarka?

    A. Like a Chicken Tikka but a little 'otter!
     
    strongylodon, Dec 6, 2007
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  4. accidentalgardener

    accidentalgardener Gardener

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    Strongy [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] :D
     
    accidentalgardener, Dec 6, 2007
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  5. Banana Man

    Banana Man You're Growing On Me ...

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    :D [​IMG]
     
    Banana Man, Dec 8, 2007
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  6. strongylodon

    strongylodon Old Member

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    This compliments JJordie's.
    A T-shirt I bought in the States a couple of years ago.
    [​IMG]
     
    strongylodon, Dec 8, 2007
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  7. Kedi-Gato

    Kedi-Gato Gardener

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    Just love it jjordie!

    strongy - I know that one already, but only have it (can't remember where from) on a DIN 4 page. I always thought it was brilliant.

    Do you wear your T-shirt BTW?
     
    Kedi-Gato, Dec 8, 2007
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  8. Marley Farley

    Marley Farley Affable Admin! Staff Member

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    [​IMG] What is Red & Green..?


    Q What is red and green and goes 100 miles an hour?
    A frog in a blender..... :D Sorry grandson just came up with that one... :D
     
    Marley Farley, Dec 8, 2007
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  9. Banana Man

    Banana Man You're Growing On Me ...

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    Banana Man, Dec 8, 2007
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  10. Gogs

    Gogs Gardener

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    Irishman went to a pet shop and asked how many budgies were in stock. "We have 99" replied the shop owner "Give us the lot" said the Irish man, paid for them and left. He went to a tailors shop and had 99 pockets sewn into a jacket, put a budgie in each pocket, went up to the Post Office Tower and jumped off. He hit the ground with an almighty smack and lay there groaning until a passer-by came and asked him what had happened. "I don't know sur" he replied "but that's the last time I try that budgie jumping
     
    Gogs, Dec 8, 2007
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  11. Sarraceniac

    Sarraceniac Gardener

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    Aaaaargh! :rolleyes: :D :D
     
    Sarraceniac, Dec 8, 2007
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  12. strongylodon

    strongylodon Old Member

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    I do wear it Kedi but you could say it is a cr*p t-shirt. :rolleyes:
     
    strongylodon, Dec 8, 2007
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  13. Marley Farley

    Marley Farley Affable Admin! Staff Member

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    :D Like it BM... :D

    ;) Engineering in Hell

    An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."

    So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

    One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

    Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

    God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

    Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

    God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

    Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?
     
    Marley Farley, Dec 8, 2007
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  14. shiney

    shiney President, Grumpy Old Men's Club Staff Member

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    What Job Does Dad Do?

    Billy was at school this morning and the teacher asked all the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came out, fireman, policeman, salesman, chippy, captain of industry etc but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.

    "My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good, he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him."

    The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little Billy aside to ask him if that was really true.

    "No" said Billy, "He plays cricket for England but I was just too embarrassed to say."
     
    shiney, Dec 9, 2007
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  15. youngdaisydee

    youngdaisydee Gardener

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    i know its not a joke but it made me laugh......


    [​IMG]
     
    youngdaisydee, Dec 9, 2007
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