Did Phillip Fart?

Queenie doesn't look amused - but Harry looks like he's wetting himself!!!!!

 

Very good. While we're down in the gutter, I'll share one of my tales that this reminds me of.

Years ago, when I was an insecure teenager at school, we were all in assembly one morning, sat cross legged on the wooden floor as you do.

I felt one brewing, I tried to hold it back but it was having none of it.

I decided the best option was to release it a bit at a time, that way each of the small bursts would have insufficient power to make any noise, and the smell would disperse more easily, thus concealing the fact that I was the culprit.

Acting upon my plan, I unclenched just slightly. That was a big mistake. The odourous gases queuing up inside saw their opportunity, and to their credit, were very quick to react.

Just as the teacher shut up ready for the morning prayer, a deafening roar erupted right in the centre of the hall, amplified by the wooden floor and echoing loudly from all the walls. About 200 pairs of eyes immediately pointed my way. Thinking quickly I decided to act normal, I figured if I could conceal my embarrassment people might not realise it was me. There's a chance it could have worked, until a few seconds later the second wave came. This time in the form of the most evil smell, like the devil himself had breathed his wrath upon our mortal souls. It was such a potent one you could almost see it. It was certainly beyond smell, you could taste it.

There were a few minor comments in assembly until the teacher called order. Then I had ten more minutes of assembly. As we left the hall I didn't know whether I would be classed a hero or a laughing stock or just disgusting. I was pleased with the outcome really. Most people hailed me a hero, and a few of the posh kids who I didn't like anyway were disgusted. I took some delight in that fact.

 

I think you should change your username to Super Fart!

 

Yes He Did!!! He Blamed it on the Corgi's!!! And He Spent The Night In The Tower for telling, Porky Pies:WINK1::WINK1:.