This has to do with our end of the month trip to Malibu, California for a wedding of my husband's nephew. The nephew is my husband's youngest brother's son by his first marriage, the mother of the son is just fine and will be attending the wedding. The sister in law I am mentioning her is the second wife, not the mother of the nephew getting married. My sister-in-law (the step mother ) in California has this idea. So here it is: She and her husband has said, that they would like to host a dinner for all the out of towners on Thursday night who are going to the wedding on Saturday at a location near where they live. Taking this at face value---yep this is a nice offer. However, ALL of the out-of-towners who are going to the wedding, most are flying in from far (4-5 hour flights/time zone change) and they will be staying at the suggested hotel near the wedding. This hotel is: a TWO HOUR drive from the place she wants to host a dinner at. So I messaged her, asking the time this dinner is. And that I prefer to not drive in the dark the two hours to find the hotel as this is the first time I've been in the area. Part of me feels she's coming up with this idea to bring some focus on her, as she is really only the "step mother" of the groom getting married and truly not an important part in his life. She is married to the grooms father. The gooms mother is alive and just peachy fine. The groom has already shared with us that he can't stand her. Frankly, if the hour is too late, I am going to bow out. I will have already been up since 4AM to catch the flight from my airport with two connecting flights a total of about 5 hours flight time to land there at 11AM their time. California is 4 hours behind my state. What I really want to do, is after I land in California, is collect husband who is staying at their house and head up the coast to our hotel. So I can relax etc. I think she should find a place near the hotel to offer the dinner thing. Frankly, my husband and I can afford our own dinner near the hotel, we will see everyone on Friday, Saturday, Sunday. I think it is short sighted to think of her location and not think of all the other folks flying in and these issues. So ---what do you all think?
There is always a queue of people wanting to steal the lime light when a wedding is happening. Sounds like she is one of them. Just be polite, tell her thanks for the kind offer, but you feel that after a flight and a four hour round trip driving plus time out for dinner, you think you'll be too tired to enjoyed the rest of the time there, so thank her very much for the kind invitation, but you'll see her at the wedding and reception. If she takes offence, tough. Its not her day. Its for your husband's nephew (your nephew) and his good lady.
So far she has not responded to the message I sent her via, message facebook. Will share when she does. And by the way, this is 71 miles to drive also, getting around LA area, which is crazy.
Redstar, be interesting to hear her response to you .. all those miles on top of all the flights and accommodation. Personally, I would not go as it's not that 'close family', but then that's me ....
Ok, well finally she responded. And she said the dinner was at 6PM. And she said if I can make it fine, if I could not then that is ok too. (like I need her OK). Husband said it is not necessary that we attend. It is just so rude or uncaring to plan something when the "out of towners" are all staying two hours north near the wedding place. If the dinner had been at 5pm or better 4pm, I may have joined them. But 6pm gives us 2 hours to eat & talk then the 2 hours to drive north up a strange road in the dark. Yes, it is not that "close family" .
Makes me all the more certain that what Mrs Scrungee (then to be) and I did was best - only informing/inviting our respective parents shortly before we were married, swearing them to secrecy until after the event, and driving off on our grand tour of the UK honeymoon, leaving them to inform everybody else what we'd done. Some 25 years later, we're still both agreed it's one of the best things we've ever done.
We did similar 44 years ago ... except we couldn't afford a honeymoon and had to wait 4 1/2 years till we went to England / Germany (we were married in America) ...
we planned a small wedding with just the very close family, then a small restaurant mowever, MIL had different ideas and 'took over' .... we ended up having a reception with 350 people, hiring of caterers, hall, etc etc cost us a lot of money (in those days, a decent deposit on a house) ... MIL paid a bit towards the reception, but I paid for most ... in those days, all drinks at a wedding were paid by the groom there were people there that I had never met before, and never saw again
It certainly seems 'attention seeking' to me, it would have been better to have this dinner after the wedding so as not to take away the 'limelight' from the couples special day. Also, as you say it should have been held nearer to where you are all staying, this person I think, likes to control others, but wiser people like yourself can see through it. It always amazes me how some don't realise that they are being totally selfish in their actions, especially when it can ruin others special plans.
I am wondering if she really does just want "to be nice" but has not thought about all the travelling you and similar will have to do.
Watergarden, that did cross my mind. But, I did say to her, that I just did the milage and found it to be 71 miles or 2 hours between the dinner and hotel. So she knows this information. And she still has time to change the location. Its just an infomal gathering at a restaurant. There are lots of other places 2 hours north. Part of me is hoping the light bulb goes off during next week, as this event is not until the following week. It is just simply unsafe for "non-local" guests to travel that distance in the dark to an unknown place. Besides that, in the daylight the coastline drive will be so much nicer for us to view.
