If one of your parents has just been diagnosed with Alzheimers, should you tell them or just let them carry on as "normal"? Anyone here had experience of telling them and the result? P.S. Mother living on her own. Father died many years ago.
My heart goes out to you kindred, been there, done that. I wouldn't presume to tell you what to do in a situation like this, it depends very much on the individual you're dealing with. In the case of my Mother, she realised pretty early on that something wasn't right. At first she was just forgetting things which she joked was just 'old age', but with her, the mood swings also started quite early (whilst she could still recognise she was having them), and she knew this wasn't her 'usual' behaviour. The Dr., had told me the diagnosis but there was a long period when I think we both knew but neither of us mentioned it for fear of upsetting the other. Only you can know whether it's right to discuss this in detail with your Mother, all I would suggest is that whilst you can, put in place all the practical details, get both Health and Welfare and Property and Financial Affairs Lasting Power of Attorney and ask her GP to arrange a Community Care Assessment - if you choose not to tell your Mother about the diagnosis but she asks why you're suggesting these things, just say it makes sense, as she's getting older, to make practical provision for the future.
This is a very tough subject Kindred and I'm sorry you have to face up to it. I understand there are many variations so no-one can tell you the perfect answer. My Mother-in-law has had it for several years and in the beginning we never kept anything from her. Her particular situation is she has lost her short term memory so we have the same conversation every 5 minutes with her. So it can get quite fraught sometimes and very very wearing. She is completely bed-bound, although physically nothing is wrong she has forgotten basic things so can't walk or feed herself. But in her mind she is fighting fit and is always just about to get up and dressed and off to the shops. Sadly she hasn't been out of her bedroom for 4 years. Rather than confront the issues every time it's easier all round just to play low key and try and placate or agree with her. Last week she had a funny turn and we had to call 999, she was surprised when we told the paramedics what was wrong with her and she was adamant she was OK and we were wrong. Luckily it was just another episode, and she recovered quickly in bed. Within a few minutes of the paramedics leaving she had forgotten the whole thing. All I think is if it were me I'd like to know myself.
If one of my parents had been diagnosed with alzheimers personally I would not have told them unless for some reason I was forced to. But I agree with Fidgetsmum that it really does depend on the individual you are dealing with. I also agree with John, if it was me I would want to know. Val
But what is the point of knowing? It won't change anything for the better or worse will it? I believe some forms of medication can slow its progress. Altzheimers - such a sad thing to happen. We must inwardly all dread this condition. I hope you have support from others in your time of great difficulty Kindred spirit, Jenny
As Fidgetsmum says it has to be your decision Kindred. My mother is well aware of her memory loss and on my brothers suggestion she was tested (various questions) for Alzheimers in January. Although she has all the typical signs, at this point it hasn't been diagnosed. Obviously there is concern about her memory loss but apparently it can be controlled with medication.
Sadly my Mam had a form of Alzheimers for nearly 13yrs only thing she could do was smile needed everything done for her. She seemed to remember the love of her life my Dad but did not know me. That illness broke my heart I lost her to that horrid illness.
Because Alzheimers has to do with loss of memory I wouldn't think there is much point in telling the affected person, it would possibly make her more anxious. But this illness is very challenging for the people that look after said person, because it can be very draining for them, although there will be some seldom sparkles to compensate such effort. So it is important to take turns as often as possible when looking after an Alzheimers patient. In this I wish you luck kindred.
It depends on her personal situation but telling her might be the best thing to do, look at Terry Pratchett for inspiration: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/lifestyl...rs-would-be-a-lot-worse-than-this-by-now.html
Thank you, Fidget's Mum, JWK, Val, Jenny, Sheal, Scotkat & Java for your replies. Sorry I didn't come back sooner to you. I've been very busy. We've taken your advice, Fidget's Mum, and my sister, who lives in the same county as my mum, will be trying to get her to sign a Power of Attorney. As I haven't lived and worked in the UK for almost 40 years, it is difficult for me to do anything on a day to day basis, although I do fly over and visit her. If it was me having Alzheimers, I'd personally prefer to be told. Not sure about my mum as she is very introverted. Family is split on it. It might come up in conversation with her and then it'll be easier to mention it, if we decide. I'll keep you in touch. She's had a brain scan; her brain has shrunk. She's on memory tablets but she often forgets to take them. She's deaf as well, which doesn't help. Her GP has banned her from driving. She was a "Michael Schumacher" on roundabouts!
