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A joke or two - 2017

Discussion in 'The Muppet Show' started by music, Jan 2, 2017.

  1. music

    music Memories Are Made Of This.

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    A Helicopter lost power while flying over a remote Scottish Island and was forced to make an emergency landing.
    Luckily there was a small cottage nearby.
    The Pilot walked over to it and knocked on the door.
    "Is There A Mechanic In The Area?", he asked the woman who answered the door.

    She scratched her head and thought for a few seconds.
    "NO", she finally said,pointing down the road,

    "But we do have a Mc ardie and a Mc Kay". :scratch::scratch::scratch:.
     
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    • kindredspirit

      kindredspirit Gardening around a big Puddle. :)

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    • daitheplant

      daitheplant Total Gardener

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    • HarryS

      HarryS Eternally Optimistic Gardener

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      3 and 4 equally first ?
       
    • music

      music Memories Are Made Of This.

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      Please Be Careful.
      Last Saturday I went to a Party, I had a few beers, followed by a few Cocktails, followed by a few shots.
      I still had the sense to know that I was over the limit,that's when I decided to do what I have never done before, I took a Cab home.
      Sure enough, there was a Police road block on the way home,and since it was a Cab, they waved it past.

      I arrived home safely without incident, this was both a great relief and a surprise, because I had never driven a cab before, I don't even know where I got it from,and now it is in my garage, I don't know what to do with it !!!!!!!.:scratch::scratch:.:Wino:.;);).
       
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      • Jack McHammocklashing

        Jack McHammocklashing Sludgemariner

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        Good one Music, I was needing cheered up
         
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        • kindredspirit

          kindredspirit Gardening around a big Puddle. :)

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          Answer to Tank Question is as Daithe said, No. 2. (No access from tank 2 to 3.)
           
        • HarryS

          HarryS Eternally Optimistic Gardener

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          aaah never saw the line over tank 3 entrance , well done Dai :blue thumb:
           
        • music

          music Memories Are Made Of This.

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          A Man boarded a Plane with Six Kids.
          After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the Aisle from him leaned over to him and asked," Are All Of These Kids Yours"?.

          "No Madam, I work for a condom company and these are customer complaints" !!!!.:scratch::scratch:.
           
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          • kindredspirit

            kindredspirit Gardening around a big Puddle. :)

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          • kindredspirit

            kindredspirit Gardening around a big Puddle. :)

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          • daitheplant

            daitheplant Total Gardener

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          • kindredspirit

            kindredspirit Gardening around a big Puddle. :)

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          • music

            music Memories Are Made Of This.

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            (For Sale).

            Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica ,40 volumes, excellent condition, £300 or best offer.


            No longer needed,got married last month,


            The Wife knows every bloooody thing. !!!:frown:.
             
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            • music

              music Memories Are Made Of This.

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              Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a Computer Chip that can store and play stereo music in women's breast implants.
              The ITit, will cost between £400 and £500, depending on 'speaker size'.

              This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them. :whistle:.
               
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