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A joke or two - 2017

Discussion in 'The Muppet Show' started by music, Jan 2, 2017.

  1. kindredspirit

    kindredspirit Gardening around a big Puddle. :)

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    [​IMG]

    The new Oval Office. :) :)
     
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    • kindredspirit

      kindredspirit Gardening around a big Puddle. :)

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    • kindredspirit

      kindredspirit Gardening around a big Puddle. :)

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      [​IMG]
       
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      • kindredspirit

        kindredspirit Gardening around a big Puddle. :)

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        The Masochist said to the Sadist, "Whip me!"

        The Sadist said "NO!"

        :) :)
         
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        • music

          music Memories Are Made Of This.

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          Question:::

          Which Bees Produce The Most Milk ?===== Boo Bees. :sofa:.
           
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          • music

            music Memories Are Made Of This.

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            Farmers wives, Samantha and Brodwyn were having a cuppa and discussing their sheep herds.
            Samantha said,"That blooody ram we paid a fortune for hasn't been performing for months,so Gareth got the Vet in last week and the Vet gave him some tablets and said,"Try These".

            The Vet said that they would work wonders and would maintain an erection for hours.

            "Oh that's great said Brodwyn, did they work?".

            "Did They Work?. I'll say they did, bloooody Absolutely Amazing, mind you Gareth said,

            " They Tasted Bloooody AWFUL !!! " .;).
             
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            • music

              music Memories Are Made Of This.

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              On The Morning That Winter Daylight Saving Started ,I Dropped In To Visit An Ageing Friend Of Mine.


              He was busy covering his Dangler with Black Shoe Polish. :scratch:.


              I told him, 'You Better Get Your Hearing Checked' ,


              'You're Supposed To Turn Your , Clock Back'. :sofa:.
               
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              • kindredspirit

                kindredspirit Gardening around a big Puddle. :)

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              • Fat Controller

                Fat Controller Cuddly Scottish Admin! Staff Member

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                Nicola Sturgeon, Donald Trump, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.


                While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for.


                The Devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.


                Putin calls Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is amillion dollars, so Putin writes him a cheque.

                Next Donald Trump calls the U.S. and talks for 30 minutes. When he's finished the devil informs him that the cost is 6 million dollars, so Trump writes him a cheque.

                Finally Nicola Sturgeon gets her turn and calls Scotland for 4 hours. When she's finished, the devil informed her that there would be no charge and feel free to call Scotland anytime.

                Putin and Trump go ballistic and ask the devil why Nicola Sturgeon got to call Scotland free.

                The devil replied, "Since Nicola Sturgeon became First Minister of Scotland, the Country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."
                 
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                • kindredspirit

                  kindredspirit Gardening around a big Puddle. :)

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                • music

                  music Memories Are Made Of This.

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                  A Wife. being the romantic sort sent her husband a Text:

                  " If You are sleeping,send me your dreams"
                  " If You are laughing,send me your smile"
                  " If You are eating, send me a bite"
                  " If You are drinking,send me a Sip"
                  " If You are crying, send me your tears"
                  "I Love You !".


                  The Husband, being typically Non Romantic Replied:






                  "I Am Having Diarrhoea , Please Advise". :Wino:.
                   
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                  • kindredspirit

                    kindredspirit Gardening around a big Puddle. :)

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                    Paddy said to Murphy.

                    "I put £20 on a horse today and he came in at 25 to 1."

                    "You must be loaded" said Murphy.

                    "Not really" said Paddy "The rest of the field came in at 12.30."

                    :) :)
                     
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                    • music

                      music Memories Are Made Of This.

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                      A Guy brings his best golf buddy home, unannounced for dinner at 6.30,after enjoying a day of golf.
                      His wife screams her head off while his friend sits at the kitchen table,open mouthed,listening to the tirade.

                      "My hair and make up are not done,the house is a mess and the dishes are still in the sink !",
                      "I'm completely exhausted ,I didn't get enough sleep last night,cant you see I'm still in my Pajamas?. I can't be bothered with cooking tonight!, Why the hell did you bring him home without letting me know ahead of time, you stupid ass!".





                      "Because----------------




                      "He's Thinking of getting Married". ;).
                       
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                      • kindredspirit

                        kindredspirit Gardening around a big Puddle. :)

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                      • kindredspirit

                        kindredspirit Gardening around a big Puddle. :)

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