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A joke or two - 2017

Discussion in 'The Muppet Show' started by music, Jan 2, 2017.

  1. music

    music Memories Are Made Of This.

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    An old Farmer went to town to see a Movie.

    The ticket agent asked, "Sir what's that on your shoulder ?"

    The old Farmer said, That's my pet rooster Chucky,wherever I go Chucky goes".
    "I'm sorry Sir", said the ticket agent,"We don't allow animals in the Theatre".

    The old Farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his pants,he returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the Theatre.

    He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.
    The Movie started and the rooster began to squirm.
    The old Farmer unzipped his pants so Chucky could stick his head out and watch the Movie.

    " Marge ", whispered Mildred.
    "What ", said Marge.
    "I think this guy next to me is a pervert," said Mildred.
    "What makes you think that?", asked Marge.
    "He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out,",whispered Mildred.

    "Well,don't worry about it",said Marge, "At our age we've seen them all".


    "I Thought so too",said Mildred",
    "But This One Is Eating All My Popcorn" :yikes::yikes:.
     
  2. kindredspirit

    kindredspirit Gardening around a big Puddle. :)

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  3. kindredspirit

    kindredspirit Gardening around a big Puddle. :)

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  4. music

    music Memories Are Made Of This.

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    . (The Ramblings Of A Retired Mind).

    I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

    I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realised that people didn't like me anyway.

    Birds of a feather flock together------and then S**t on your car.

    The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

    The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

    You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

    Ageing, eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.


    PRAYER FOR TODAY.== Lord Keep Your Arm Around My Shoulder And Your Hand Over My Mouth. :old::old::old:.
     
  5. kindredspirit

    kindredspirit Gardening around a big Puddle. :)

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  6. kindredspirit

    kindredspirit Gardening around a big Puddle. :)

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  7. kindredspirit

    kindredspirit Gardening around a big Puddle. :)

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  8. shiney

    shiney President, Grumpy Old Men's Club Staff Member

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    As I have always enjoyed the use of the English language I like this one.


    A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.

    "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However," he pointed out, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

    A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah. Right."
     
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    • music

      music Memories Are Made Of This.

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      Rooming With A Snorer.

      The guys were on a bike tour,no one wanted to room with Nick,because he snored so badly.
      They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

      The first guy slept with Nick and comes to breakfast the next morning ,with his hair in a mess and his eyes bloodshot.
      They said," Man what happened to you?", he said,"Nick snored so loudly I just sat up and watched him all night".:mad:.

      The next night it was a different guys turn,in the Morning, same thing, hair all standing up,eyes bloodshot.
      They said,"Man what happened to you?,you look awful"!.
      He said,"Man that nick shakes the roof with his snoring,I watched him all night,never slept a wink".:rolleyespink:.

      The third night was Bills turn, he was tanned, older biker,a man's man.
      The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed.
      "Good Morning", he said.
      The guys could not believe it, they said,"Man what happened?", he said,"Well we got ready for bed, I went and tucked Nick into bed,patted him on the **** and kissed him goodnight on the lips";).

      "Nick Sat Up And Watched Me All Night " :cool:.
       
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      • kindredspirit

        kindredspirit Gardening around a big Puddle. :)

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      • kindredspirit

        kindredspirit Gardening around a big Puddle. :)

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      • Mowerman

        Mowerman Gardener

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        What's red and invisible..?

        ...no tomatoes! :snorky:



        (Sorry!!! :snork:)
         
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        • mowgley

          mowgley Total Gardener

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        • Mowerman

          Mowerman Gardener

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          LOL at the likeness :snork::snork:

          On the same subject (and apologies to Scottish viewers):

          [​IMG]
           
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          • daitheplant

            daitheplant Total Gardener

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