A none story

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.


At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says,
"Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six
months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be


The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and *poof*
she's gone.


The second says, "I want to be Madonna and *poof* she's gone.


The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini.."


St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he ask


"Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun.


St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name
just doesn't ring a bell."


The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to
St. Peter.


St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back
to her and says.


"No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was
laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."

 

:D :D

 

ah ah ah


now another one:


A tourist gets lost in the Sahara desert. He is terribly thirsty. Eventually he spots a local and he offers him 100 euros to get some water.
But the man answers that he sells only ties.
The tourist continues walking, and he meets another local and again he tries to get some water, but the answer is the same...he sells only ties.
Walking and walking, his strenght is weaker and weaker...suddently he spots a big oasis, pool and beautiful fountains. All fenced off. He begs the guardian to let him in, but the guardian answers: "I am sorry, sir, but the entrance is tie only"

 

The Vow of Celebracy


The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven where he's met by a reception committee of angels. After a whirlwind tour, The Pope is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available.

He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, so he spends the next eon or so learning the languages.

After becoming a linguistic master, he sits down in the library and begins to pour over every version of the Bible, working back from the most recent "Easy Reading" to the original handwritten script.

The angel librarian hears a loud scream, and goes running toward its source only to find the Pope huddled in a chair, shaking and crying.

"The R! They left out the R!"

"What do you mean?" the angel librarian asks.

After collecting his wits, the Pope sobs again, "The word was supposed to be CELEBRATE!"

 

THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION

After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final word on nutrition and health.:


1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.


2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.


CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.