A serious question

Hi all

I'm looking for opinions from whoever wants to offer one, whether you've ever been affected by the issue or not. Sorry its quite serious, I don't want anyone to be in a downer, just after opinions.

Just before christmas my step dad had a stroke. One minute he was able bodied, sound mind, reasonably active etc, next minute he is almost completely parylised, unable to speak etc.

In the first couple of weeks or so he made remarkable progress, being able to speak within a week, feed himself normal food within 2 weeks, full use of his limbs within about a month, and appearing fairly normal, though a bit pale and weak by now. However he is still a bit confused, and frequently assumes that the room just across the corridor from his is his local pub, although clarity comes back quite quickly after these little episodes.

Because of his intermittent delusions, the doctors have decided he will never again be able to look after himself and he is a danger to himself and others, and therefore they've recommended that he lives out his days in a nursing home (he is only 63 years old).

Now we all like our gardens and from that I guess we all like being outdoors and active, so imagine how you'd feel if you'd effectively been in solitary confinement for 3 months solid. If I'd been couped up in one small overheated room for three months solid I wouldn't be have intermittent delusions, I'd be climbing the walls and talking to the funny pink elephants from mars.

So here's where I'm after opinions. If you'd been couped up in one small room for 3 months solid, with no option to even go outside even for a couple of minutes a day, and nothing to do, would you be satisfied with a doctors assessment that your mind has gone forever?

I ask this because I personally think it is possible to rehabilitate him, but the doctors seem to have written him off. If they're right, fair enough, but I just don't think its possible to assess someone's mental recovery if they've been driven insane with frustration.

Sorry its a bit of a miserable thread, like I said, I don't want anyone to be in a downer, I'm just after opinions. It seems to me that the days of the asylums are not history yet afterall.

 

[size=large]It is easy for a doctor to "take advantage" of a patient which doesn't have the energy or the capabilities to respond for himself. This may not be necessarily your case. [/size]

[size=large]Best option I think, is to take a keen interest in your father in law, go see him often, ask questions to the keyworker and the manager and take him to outings as often as possible (if you are allowed to do so). If you really see no reason for him to be recluded the doctor should reconsider his judgement.[/size]

 

As Shiney has said, mental stimulation can make a big difference, though how you'd manage it depends on your own circumstances and local adult health care provision. Discussions with your local social services may find a compromise solution either through support at home or placement in a suitable care home for short term rehab.
Mrs W's mum is now in care due to moderate/severe dementia and significant mobility problems, but for several years she was cared for at home and was visited three times a day by care workers. These visits were of only short duration and although mum got some stimulation it wasn't really ennough to keep her mind really active. However when Mrs W and her sister went to stay with mum for a few days at a time we noticed a marked change in mental capacity and also in mobility.

There was a very interesting TV program a few months ago featuring elderly celebs who'd been receiving support from carers. The care was reduced or eliminated and the celebs were made to do things for themselves that they'd not done for years. To cut a long story short, the result was that the celebs mental and physical health improved. A case of the theory of 'use it ot lose it' being proved.

Sorry that I can't suggest an easy solution but you've got a difficult situation to deal with and I can empathise with what you are feeling.

 

I saw this programme, it was very interesting. The fact is that doctors just do not know how much mental ability a person will have after a stroke so they will always take the safest option, particularly if the person lives alone, and recommend confinement as a means to keeping them safe and unable to hurt themselves.

Val

 

The doctor is talking absolute Never mind the ******* heres the sex pistols.
If thinking the room opposite is the pub then i'd have been locked away long ago.

My Dad had a major stroke about 10 years back, he took many months of thinking he was still a kid & crying for his mum, gradually getting better & remembering things. He never really got back to how he used to be, but he did regain a quality of life that he wouldn't have had if he had been locked away.
He had his trains & his small patch of garden to enjoy.

He was cared for by my Mum & my Brother & me. He got his words mixed up but you could work out what he meant, I think it frustrated him that he couldn't say exactly what he meant. He was mobile with a couple of walking sticks & could even manage the stairs very slowly.

Strangely enough, he remembered things that he hadn't told my Brother & I before, like when he came back from Palestine after his National Service. He got a ride with an RAF plane that landed in a field with a wooden hut as a control tower, he had to ask where they had landed & was told it was called "Heathrow, some sort of new landing strip for London"

He passed away very quickly last November but that was 10 years of my Dad that I wouldn't have had if he had been banged up without trial.

What sort of power does the health service think they have ?

 

Hi Clueless,

Sorry to hear about your dad. Have you thought about the medication he is probably being given. Believe me certain drugs can have undesirable affects on our mental abilities and can affect recovery in some respects.

 

Sorry to hear about your problem Clueless. Like Shiney says there is hope for people who have had
strokes but it takes time and close attention in terms of care. Two friends of mine both in there late60s/70s suffered strokes last year, one is now driving again and the other playing golf afte 6 months physio/etc. Of course these things vary tremendously in terms of their severity and it may well be that your step-dad has suffered a bad one.

I hope that things get better for you all....

 

Thanks all for your advice and opinions, all much appreciated as it seems you're all thinking on the same lines as me. It had crossed my my that maybe the doctors were right, and I was burying my head in the sand so to speak.

I'm going to try to pick up on all the points raised, but if I've missed anything, please forgive me, I've read all your posts so if I don't pick up on your point, just know that I've read it and taken it on board.

The mental stimuli point: I was thinking that. My step dad gets virtually no stimulus at hospital. He is couped up in his own room with nothing but a TV to distract him. That alone would drive me absolutely bonkers. Even the thought of it sends shivers down my spine, and I'm not exaggerating. I think under those circumstances he has done remarkably well in that his delusions are so far limited to thinking the pub is just across the corridor.

It is also worth noting that one of the many medications he is on is to stop him becoming agitated and aggressive. It is the aggressive tendencies that made the doctors rule that he was a danger to himself and others, but if I'm honest, I know that if it was me, I'd have physically smashed my way out long before three months if I was in solitary confinement. He is similar to me (and I suspect most) in that he can't stay put all day. He has to be doing something, and now he is being forcibly stopped from doing anything and has the added frustration of reduced physical ability.

The medication point: As above, I've seen his medical report. There is a list that takes up about half a page (not an exaggeration) of different medicines he is on. At least one of his medicines is known to cause confusion as a side effect. The same doctor that declared him a danger to himself and others says in the same report that the medication he is on can cause delusions.

Caring for him at home: This is the tricky bit. My mother is not a strong woman, either physically or emotionally. I have to agree with the doctors in that she wouldn't be able to cope with him in his present condition at home. She had to look after my grandad round the clock in the last year or so of his life and it very nearly destroyed her. She would get help from me, but I can't be there all the time. Sadly there are verey few people around that both care and are in a position or capable of helping.

Which brings me to an idea I've been pondering for a few weeks now, but most people shoot down. What do we reckon to this plan: I'm convinced that if we expose him to a period of relative normality and familiarity, it will help tremendously. Each saturday I could collect him from the hospital, take him home to my mam's. I could then generally lurk in the background just in case the doctors are right and he suddenly flips (ie. I could restrain and subdue him whereas my mam couldn't). He has something to eat and a cup of tea, then off down to his local pub during the day while its still quiet. He has a few games of pool with his mates (his normal afternoon routine when not at work), then I take him back to the hospital. I reckon if I did this every week, he would make good progress, and he could gradually spend more and more time in his normal life, until possibly, he might be able to move back home without needing 24/7 care. What do we reckon? The hospital staff reject the idea because they feel that once he's out we won't get him back in, but he respects me, and I reckon I can convince him its part of the mending process. It is worth noting that most of the punters at his local are his long term mates, including the landlord, so if I was to tell them my plan in advance I bet they'd be supportive.

 

Clueless

First of all my sympathy for your situation, not a good place to be.

Bear in mind that the NHS works on worst case scenario and being overly cautious. Blame the ever creeping compensation culture for that.

I was told that I would never be able to do all sorts of things after I broke my neck. I have done everything they said I could not or should not do and a lot more besides. I was couped up in various hospitals for 17 months and it very nearly drove me insane. So I do know how it feels.

Your dad is 63, in the normal course of natures way, he still has a few good years in him. If he was mobile and active before the stroke, I bet you he would be a lot better off being in a situation where he had to think and act for himself with someone to shadow him. If his mind is still active the man needs stimulation of some kind. TV is rubbish and mindless drivel. Having something to do like pottering around a garden requires mental and physical exercise. He would have to think about what he was doing and use motor skills to achieve the tasks.

My advice/opinion for what its worth is to get a second opinion, get a physiotherapist to check him over and then see what help you may be able to get as regards a professional visiting your dad regularly at home. I think you may well find that his aggression may well stem from frustration at inactivity.

Best of luck to you and your family getting this situation sorted out.

Just a thought. Has your dad done any military service? If he has, there are several organisations that you could get some help and advice from.

Chopper.

 

Thanks Chopper.

Yep. He was in the Royal Pioneers (later renamed the Royal Logistical Corps if I'm not mistaken) for 9 years, but that was many many years ago. Thanks for the tip, but I have no idea who we would contact. To be honest until you mentioned it, it hadn't even crossed my mind that there might be ex-servicemen people that might be able to point us in the right direction. Certainly something to look into. Cheers.

 

Hi Clueless

First of all you need your dads service number. Then contact SSAFA http://www.ssafa.org.uk/

The Veterans Agency http://www.veterans-uk.info/

Royal British Legion http://www.britishlegion.org.uk/

You may also find that your dads old unit may have thier own welfare officer. (My regiment has a welfare officer). His job is to look after the ex servicemen. NOT just those wounded or suffering as a direct result of service. All of the above organisations are there to help ex servicemen in many ways. I have had a lot of help from them to get back on my feet after breaking my neck and also a lot of help and support dealing with returning to civvie street. There are allsorts of practical help they can offer besides a bit of moral support and regular visits. Very good people, mostly ex servicemen themselves.

If your father served 9 years, he is entitled to help from these organisations. I cannot say exactly what help is available as I have not known any ex serviceman with the same sort of problems your dad has. You should be aware of this bit. ANY help you get from these people is NOT charity, NOT scrounging. By serving in the forces your dad has earned the help that may be available to him.

Good luck and my respects to your father.

Chopper.

 

Excellent advice, very much appreciated.

My mam just told me today I was wrong about him serving 9 years. He signed up for 9 years but bought himself out after 6 years, after his ex wife gave him the ultimatum, her or the army. I'll see if we can find out his service number. If we can find it on his paperwork anywhere (which he kept and treasured after leaving the army) then great. Otherwise we'll have to hope he can remember it, and unfortunately it seems to me that the one part of his brain that is knackered is the bit that's responsible for reading and writing. Last time I was there he asked my mam to write their home phone number down because he thought he couldn't remember after failing to get through on several attempts. My mam wrote it down and handed it to him, it was written very clearly in big numbers. He looked at it and I saw the expression on his face, it was the dawning realisation that he no longer understood the funny symbols we call numbers.

I found out something else today too. The hospital staff are being pure evil. My mam took one of his friends up to see him the other day. Between the two of them they figured they could take my step dad to the cafe downstairs. Keep in mind that he can walk unaided now, and two adults were going to go with him. The staff were having none of it, and ruled that he must stay in his room. I'm going up and saturday and he is coming to the cafe whether the staff like it or not. If they want to stop me they'll have to physically restrain me.

 

They are not allowed to touch you, I believe that could be classed as assault.

Mother in law was in a home, she has a severe degenerating brain condition, last year we were told she was dying. Well, she was, but only because they had stopped giving her food & drink.

She is cared for at home now & although she won't get any better, she is certainly not dead.