Ban smacking

This one has reared its head again. The Children's minister has suggested that it be illegal to smack your kids at all.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-25529744

Its controversial I know, but I think she's being incredibly silly. I don't smack my son, but I reserve the right to give him a swift clip if there seems to be no other option.

Example, when I was his age, I once bolted straight into the road in front of traffic while walking with my mam. Lucky for me she was fast in her reaction and grabbed me, yanked me back, then gave me a swift smack, one of the very, very few times that either of parents smacked me. I remember the shock I felt at the time. Did I think "I wont do that again because my mam has calmly explained that I may be hit by a car and killed? What does it mean if you're killed anyway?", or did I think "If I do that again, I'll get smacked again".

 

Thought it already was illegal, but can't agree with it. One of the joys of living over here is the behaviour of French children compared to the majority of their peers in the UK. Although smacking is theoretically illegal here, French parents in general seem to have a good balance between genuine warmth and affection for their offspring tempered by 'old-fashioned' discipline in the form of a smack when necessary. The children don't appear to all grow up into violent, abusive psychopaths....
Totally agree with your view, Clueless. There will always be situations where a smack is the only way to get a message home, and sometimes it has to be immediate.
I qualified originally in child-care and we were taught to warn first when a child was misbehaving, then follow through on the warning. Children push boundaries as part of growing up and have to know where the boundaries of unacceptable behaviour stop.

 

Yes I have smacked my children, my eldest son did exactly the same as you, Clueless ran into the road, I gave him a quick smack, and then a woman said I shouldn't have smacked him, so would it have been better if he had been killed, I said , and if you dont mind your own business, I'll give you a quick smack.

 

I think the cane should be brought back! I live very close to a Secondary School who actually employ two litter pickers to pick up after the little darlings at lunch and home time. I have no idea what the parents of these kids are doing, it certainly isn't instilling respect!

 

I think there's lots of politicians who deserve a good smack.

 

I will never get my head around this one i don't think....i'm probably speaking out of turn as i don't have any 'Loletts'.....but for heavens sake isn't that what we have parents for (i don't mean to beat the living daylights out of us when growing up) but to guide us and keep us from harm ,to be respectful and well behaved, to learn right from wrong...simples.....yes some kiddies push their luck and i'm sure most self respecting parents don't want to go down that route but children still need to know what's right and wrong ...my father only raised his hand to me once...he didn't follow through because that was enough and even then although a teenager by this time i understood it was out of worry and concern because i'd lied about my whereabouts

The laws that need changing are for those that do abuse their children....which IMHO get overlooked way too often...Yeah some kids will go off the rails through no fault of the parents but in many cases i feel ...at the end of the day....when you become an adult you understand why a parent is a parent and a child is a child..................

 

My Dad very rarely smacked me, so if he did, I knew he meant it.

 

I did get a bowl of custard put on my head when I was 9 , I drove my mum crazy that day.
Always comes up in family get togethers not that my mum is proud of that !! but everyone else finds it amusing especially my elder brothers !!!

When I was kid, a lad three doors down his father used to whack him with a leather belt and regularly had the marks to prove it , well over the top ...

The local Catholic School in the 70's the nuns would use the slipper on the girls.

My secondary school still had the cane in use and I witnessed 3 lads in our woodwork class get caned in front of the whole class , something I have never forgotten and how vicious the head was , it was meant to be on the bottom but one lad got out of that by saying he had a boil on his bum and had the 3 strokes across both hands , he could hardly move his fingers and even our woodwork teacher found it shocking as his face was horrified and the lad had to be taken to the nurse to treat his bleeding hands the rest of us just looked on in horror.

And on my recent travels in Egypt and seeing Russian parents on holiday giving more than just a quick smack was distressing to watch and was the norm on a regular basis and other Brits thought the same as me , how we have all moved on from the 50's and 60's /70's

Maybe because I am older and maybe ? a little wiser but I dont think any (hitting) punishment is suitable for children and that it is a breakdown on communication skills with parents .

And at the end of the day kids will be kids , and if you slapped a adult you could be taken to court for assault so whats the difference, none !

None of the above it aimed at any of the other post or individuals is just my take on it ...

Spruce

 

I get where you are coming from Spruce...there's strict and totally inhumane ...they are the ones that the laws need keeping an eye on

 

All i will say, is i know what a two inch wide belt is

 

I get what you're saying @Spruce and totally agree with almost all of it. A smack is not meant to inflict pain or injury, it is meant to act as a shock tactic, a warning, it says "I am as serious about this as it gets, you have just walked into the boundary fence".

Communication is of course the best tactic in almost all situations, but there are some things that just can't be explained to kids because they can't understand. Its no good comparing kids and adults because kids are not adults, they don't have the same depth of understanding. For example, when I was a kid, whenever the subject of dying or death came up, I remember I would say "I'd cry if I died". I just didn't get it. I thought that dying hurt really bad. I remember my older sister losing her temper at me after I said it once too many times, and she screamed at me that I wouldn't cry if I died because I'd be dead, forever. At 3 or 4 or 5 year old I just couldn't grasp that concept. When I was 5 and my nanna died, for a good couple of years or so after I believed that she was still around somewhere, but had had to go to heaven to get better. I thought heaven was a place.

So when my mam yanked me back from the path of oncoming traffic and then gave me a smack for running into the road, that was effective communication in a language I could understand. The concept of death was far too big for me to comprehend, but I was able to comprehend a smack on the behind.

Some people take it too far. To me, too far is when you smack a kid not eating their dinner, or shouting, or (a pet hate of mine from my days at a very nasty cult school that was mysteriously closed down at short notice), "using the lords name in vain". Or when you see kids getting beaten in the street or in supermarkets, or any situation at all where the smack is the result of the parent losing their temper, ie where it is brutal lashing out as opposed to a controlled shock tactic. And of course, tales from my dad of things like waking up under the dining table with a broken jaw, or being yanked and spun round by your loughole, or being caned so hard that you bleed (or indeed, caned at all), that is not a controled shock tactic, that is pure violent abuse.

 

Even if they did (and regardless of whether you are an advocate or not) ...
... how on earth would they "police" it?

Just how many cases of the more serious offences of child sex abuse goes un-reported/undiscovered/ignored/cause greater and longer lasting "damage"!!!???

And, in the grand economic scheme of things, just how practicable is it, if established, to enforce/prioritise?

And there's a stronger argument that goes deeper: just suppose it does become a "criminal" offence and results in a mother/father being given a custodial sentence ... that could prove far more psychologically damaging to the child in the long term than the physical reprimand of a "smack". Even at a lower form of a fine - that would have an economical (and it could be argued) just as detrimental impact on the child if it meant the child would have to forego something just so the parent/s could meet the requirement of a fine.

Very emotive, complex and controversial "kite flying" exercise by that Zsar methinks!

 

That's where parental education comes in......and that's going to take at least two generations to put right.

 

Good point. There are many, many more damaging punishments that a swift smack. And some, not even meant as punishment, but very ill-conceived, or not even considered at all. Here's an example. I had to endure the nativity play just before christmas. Most of the kids were fine, but one poor kid was clearly terrified. When it was time to say his line, he hesitated, crept forward, said his line as fast as he could then ran back to the back of the stage looking like he was about to burst into tears. A few of the so called adults in the audience chose to react by laughing out loud. Great, that poor kid's confidence has just been annihilated and quite likely that will affect him for a very long time.

Or then you get the kids that are constantly told off for nowt. We know one kid (4 year old, in my son's class at school) who is raised by his gran. His gran is a horrible woman. She is constantly telling the kid he is not good enough, he has to do better, he's naughty, he's useless etc. He isn't though. He's one of my son's best mates. The kid is a good kid, but with a not surprising total lack of self confidence. He and my son were the only two kids that turned up for a free course to learn to ride a two wheeler. My son mastered it pretty quickly but the other kid wasn't getting it, my missus noted that he just didn't seem to have the confidence. At one point he fell off, which is not unusual when you're learning to ride a bike and I think my son fell off a few times too. Difference being when my lad fell off, wife just calmly told him he was ok and just try again. When the other kid fell off, apparently his gran launched a torrent of verbal abuse at him for being 'a stupid idiot'. One of two things will happen over the coming years. That kid will either be a timid wreck, or he'll turn into a bad'un, starting with a massive and disproportionate rebellion against his gran. Either outcome is not good. Yet, I'm told, she never smacks him.