Conquering fears

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by clueless1, Sep 25, 2016.

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  1. clueless1

    clueless1 member... yep, that's what I am:)

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    I have an irrational fear of heights.

    Actually that's not true. I have an irrational fear of falling from height. This includes when I know that falling isn't really possible. For example, at a theme park recently, to take cl1.1 on a ride he needed adult supervision on, I had to ascend a load of steps to the top of a steel gantry. I know that in the UK, the kind of public liability insurance and health and safety regulations mean that engineered structures have to be incredibly safe. Yet I found myself absolutely terrified, looking through the mesh floor to see the steel girders underneath, and aligning myself with them so I was on the strongest part of the structure. The old 'don't look down' advice doesn't work for me. If I dont look down, my imagination takes over and it becomes even more scary.

    I want to overcome this phobia. Any suggestions?
     
    clueless1, Sep 25, 2016
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  2. WeeTam

    WeeTam Total Gardener

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    Bungee![​IMG]
     
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      WeeTam, Sep 25, 2016
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    • noisette47

      noisette47 Total Gardener

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      Eeeek!
       
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        noisette47, Sep 26, 2016
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      • Jiffy

        Jiffy The Match is on Fire

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        I don't think that one you can overcome, Miss Jiff is the same, she will not go up/down any open tredded stair case
         
        Jiffy, Sep 26, 2016
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      • Loofah

        Loofah Admin Staff Member

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        I believe you already have Clue. Fear is something that can only be managed - it's an inherent part of the human psyche. By climbing high at the theme park you did what you needed to do to overcome the fear. Doesn't mean you'll ever enjoy it but you have proven you can do it when needed.

        Personally I used to be fearless of heights, now you have to have a bloody good reason to get me up a ladder!
         
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          Loofah, Sep 26, 2016
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        • Linz

          Linz Total Gardener

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          I have an irrational fear of butterflies.. I wish I could overcome it!
           
          Linz, Sep 26, 2016
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        • longk

          longk Total Gardener

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          The best advice I can offer is stop beating yourself up over it. I have an irrational fear of hypodermic needles - I totally freak out, cannot breathe, usually end up blubbing and then leg it (once basically butt naked through the hospital!). I've tried to overcome it, tried hypnotherapy, CBT and all other methods but it don't work.
           
          longk, Sep 26, 2016
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        • "M"

          "M" Total Gardener

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          I shouldn't but (no pun intended there) ... :heehee: :roflol:
           
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            "M", Sep 26, 2016
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          • clueless1

            clueless1 member... yep, that's what I am:)

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            Cl1.1 wants to do the Go Ape thing. There's something like it near us that is the highest in Britain. There is no way I can do it at present.

            The thing is, I've abseiled off a 170ft bridge when I was younger, and not so many years ago I abseiled down a very technically challenging rock face, got stuck half way down, with my arm trapped between the rock and my rope, calmly dislodged myself and was fine.
             
            clueless1, Sep 26, 2016
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          • "M"

            "M" Total Gardener

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            I used to be so brave; devil-may-care stupid; up for anything; open to any dare! (Hey! I was competing with 4 older brothers; nuff said :heehee: ).
            Then: I had children; then, I aged.
            Now? I pick my moments with a bit more circumspection ;)
            Irrational? Maybe :dunno: Or, I could put it down to life experience and a bit more "knowing-ness" ;)
            Will I change? Unlikely.
            Do I care? Not so much; wisdom is about knowing ones own limitations whilst still permitting those with the devil-may-care approach to have their own experiences to learn from (whilst providing any possible safety-net I can :heehee: ).

            The fact that these things never bothered you before clearly states it is not an irrational fear but one born from experience/knowledge and ... dare I say it ... parenthood ;) (see how I dodged the "age" bit? :heehee: )

            I would say that what you are experiencing is quite a normal progression from a "life is forever" single person/youth thing to a more mature, dependents, experience, too many news stories ... wisdom of the potential dangers and how little control we actually have of them! :blue thumb:

            How to deal? :dunno: That has to be down to your personal judgement: risk assessment; faith in the "providers" of the experience and ... just a bit of guts ;) (I didn't use the word faith because I know how you stand on "faith" issues :snorky: ). One thing I did find (when bringing up my lads and being "expected" to do things I would prefer not to indulge in) was role play (Heaven help us all!! :roflol: ). I never wanted my lads to get even the slightest whiff that I may be nervous of anything - I believed that it could lead to them also developing "fears" simply because I did - so, I would brace myself; take deep breaths; smile; be very encouraging and ... - be oh so VERY excited when it was all over and say: "What FUN!!!?" :dbgrtmb: :phew: :thud:
             
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              "M", Sep 26, 2016
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            • daitheplant

              daitheplant Total Gardener

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              I absolutely hate heights. I am one of those who, if high up, feel they want to jump off.
               
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                daitheplant, Sep 26, 2016
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              • pete

                pete Growing a bit of this and a bit of that....

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                Years ago I used to find when working on scaffolding that you acclimatise up to a point.
                Seemed high but after a while you get easier about it.

                Keep your feet on the ground for years and it gets scary when you go up.
                 
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                  pete, Sep 26, 2016
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                • shiney

                  shiney President, Grumpy Old Men's Club Staff Member

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                  Irrational fear is an interesting concept and I don't think that you are actually are suffering from that. What you are doing is taking a possibility of danger, where there is an actual possibility, to past the normal level. You have demonstrated that you are dealing with it, but with trepidation. This means that you can control your trepidation but are not happy with doing so.

                  @"M" is correct in saying that this type of concern (a much nicer word :)) is something that comes with experience of life. You have learnt from your martial arts that you can be vulnerable and this may have enhanced your concern of things that you are unable to demonstrate to yourself that you are fully in control of them.

                  Like you, I used to do what I now consider to be foolhardy things and seemed to have no fear of heights. I still have no fear of heights (don't mind flying in a plane) but have a fear of falling from a height. So, like @Loofah, I try not to go up any ladders. For me, going up an open outside staircase is now something I don't like to do but my rational mind can calculate that it carries a minute amount of risk. So I can get up there - but try to do it quickly.

                  You have obviously managed to control the fear by actually doing it. You seem to have let your logical side, and the fear of looking a wimp to cl 1.1, overcome your fear of heights. So you have acted rationally. Controlling fears is what most people do all the time - to a lesser or greater degree. What you have is a heightened sense of a rational fear. So you should be able to do most things, but may not like it.

                  If you need some help in trying to rationalise then a visit to a Cognitive Hypnotherapist might help. They don't use what is considered the normal type of hypnotherapy. They just talk to you about your fear and get you to question yourself about it. It's a combination of different techniques that includes the well known technique of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming).

                  I have tried to overcome my 'fear of heights' (on my own) and have been pleased with the results. It took me nearly thirty years to persuade myself to go up in a hot air balloon. I, first, had to persuade myself that it was worth doing and managed that when I had the opportunity to take a ride over the Valley of the Kings in Egypt. I suppose it helped that I was with seven females and didn't want to appear a wimp :heehee:. I loved it! There was virtually no sense of movement at all apart from being able to see that we were moving. My real worry was the landing part of it, but it went very smoothly. Would I do it again? I'd still have to work hard at persuading myself :noidea:.

                  Since then I have done some other things and survived. :blue thumb:
                   
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                    shiney, Sep 27, 2016
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                  • shiney

                    shiney President, Grumpy Old Men's Club Staff Member

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                    @longk I also had a fear of needles and my medical records have a note that I should have two nurses present when having an injection. That note has now been altered to just the nurse doing it but needing to be aware of the possibility of a reaction. Fortunately I can now have injections with the nurse just taking time to speak to me first and being prepared for me to freak out a bit. I've actually been OK during the last five years. :blue thumb:

                    Two years ago I was rushed to A&E and spent seven hours in there having lots (and lots) of tests. I was told that I would need to have injections in my stomach each day for a week and that they would give me all the gear for me to do it at home!!! :yikes: I told them to look at my records. That had a look, didn't bat an eyelid, and said that they would arrange for the District Nurse to come to my house each day. :phew:
                     
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                      shiney, Sep 27, 2016
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                    • daitheplant

                      daitheplant Total Gardener

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                      Now, I have never minded having injections. Even as a toddler in the fifties having my polio jabs was not a problem for me. My mother. though couldn`t watch. Even when the needle became detached from the syringe once I was interested rather than afraid.lol
                       
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                        daitheplant, Sep 27, 2016
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