Dilemma...of sorts

Just wondering what other would have done in my situation. I was in town on Monday and was walking home when I saw ahead of me a lady in a wheelchair pushing herself up a sight slope. She seemed to be getting on ok, but the slope is uphill and she had a couple of shopping bags on her knees.

I wanted to walk along side her and ask her if she would like a hand getting to the top of the slope, but I also didn't want to insult her...so I didn't say anything. I just walked past...and now I feel a bit bad for not at least asking! I know in the grand scheme of things its not a huge thing, but it got me thinking....

What do others think?

 

I personally would have offered to help her, but I think people react differently if it is a woman approaching them than a man.

Whilst out shopping once my hubby came to me in another aisle and told me about a child he had seen who looked lost, I approached the child and took him to a shop assistant who put out a call for his parents over the loudspeaker. Later on I asked why he hadn't just done this himself and he said "what will people think about a strange man approaching a child in a shop?" He had a point.

 

I knew I should have stopped. But I didn't want her to feel threatened and/or insulted.

 

Everyone does this sort of thing-the difference is that most wouldn't think twice about it, you did. It's okay-it was a courtesy thing, you didn't rob her of her shopping-and there are some that would.

 

I think it probably depends on what you say and how you say it. A "May I help you" might sound condescending. In those sort of situations I use "Hullo mate, want a hand or are you going to beat me to the top". You usually get a smile and a civilised response and you usually get to chat to an interesting person for 5 minutes.

 

I wouldn't have offered, just in case I hurt her pride. However I might have timed my pace such that I could discretely watch to make sure she made it ok.

On more than one occassion I have been asked by random old ladies to assist them, in which case I am always happy to help. Based on my experience, if someone needs assistance, they will usually ask.

Of course there is no hard and fast rule. It comes down to a judgment call every time. If I saw someone who wasn't just struggling, but was in clear and genuine need of assistance for their own welfare and safety, I would probably offer to assist.

 

I would of slowed along side and chatted, like I do with everyone, then casually slipped in.
You all right there with those bags.
I to still live in the 60s like Wiseowl.
I open doors for people with pushchairs.
Assist lost children.
Chat to the elderly.
And offer help to the disabled and anyone else who I think is struggling.
If they don't want it I'm sure they would tell me.
It's as Cajary said.
It's the way you approach it, and what you say.
I find most people are very grateful of a little help that comes with friendliness .
It can be a little daunting knowing what to do and say.
But I think better to offer help and be refused than not to offer any help at all.

 

That's why I didn't offer to help - we all have our pride. But I did stop further on to look back to see if she was getting on all right and she seemed to be.

I'm probably making a mountain out of a molehill, but it did prey on my mind afterwards.

 

Aaron, it is a difficult one because with hindsight you might feel that you should ahve helped.
You did the best at the time so don't feel bad aobut it.
I have a tendency to chat to people and will offer help but I'm not always too sure and wonder if they will take offence.....so I'd have felt a bit uneasy too.

Don't beat yourself up over it though. I'm sure that in life we are offered many chances to help others.

 

I wouldn't have offered in case it caused embarrassment. Most disabled people are fiercely independent.

 

:gnthb:...Excellent approach!

 

Its mad.....absolute mad that we have to think about things like that isn't it?

I know I would have approached and helped, because thats just me. I was in the garden centre this evening and a lady with a child had wheeled a bag of compost to her car, I was walking past and said ' you need a hand?' and she said ' god yes please i'm not too strong!!'

I'm only 38 but i'm sure it was different when I was a kid......I think i'm beginning to sound like my nan, bless her.

I see so many vunerable people in my job (plumber) and i always help them out, I hate the people that abuse these lovely old wrinklys.

Baz

 

I'm with Pro Gard though, a lot of wheelchair users are fiercely independent and I still think she might have been annoyed/embarassd if I had suggested I give her a hand.

She was also young-ish - not much older than myself. I never worried about her thinking I might mug her, attack her or rob her, only that she would be insulted.