Golf Club Sign

[FONT=&quot]G[/FONT][FONT=&quot]olf Club[/FONT][FONT=&quot] Sign[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland UK:[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]1.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]2.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] FORM A LOOSE GRIP.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]3.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN![/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]4.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]5.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] STAY OUT OF THE WATER.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]6.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]7.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]8.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]9.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] QUIET PLEASE...WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]10.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]WELL DONE.. NOW, FLUSH THE [/FONT][FONT=&quot]URINAL[/FONT][FONT=&quot], GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++[/FONT]​

 

Nice one Harry.

That reminded me of something.

 

Notice in the locker-room at our club:

MEMBERS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO WASH BALLS IN THE HAND-BASINS.



(Oh, apparently this notice appeared in the ladies locker-room too)

 

Googl Maps directions from Japan to China. Scroll down to point 42.


1. Head north
750 m
2. Turn right toward 大門街道/国道152号線
190 m
3. Continue straight onto 大門街道/国道152号線
2.7 km
4. Turn left at 大和橋（交差点） onto 中山道/国道142号線
Continue to follow 国道142号線
11.2 km
5. Keep left at the fork
1.8 km
6. Take the ramp onto 新和田トンネル有料道路
Toll road
4.4 km
7. Take the ramp onto 中山道/国道142号線
Continue to follow 国道142号線
Partial toll road
10.4 km
8. Turn right at 湖北トンネル南（交差点） onto 下諏訪岡谷バイパス/国道20号線
2.6 km
9. Take the ramp to 長野自動車道
Toll road
450 m
10. Keep left at the fork, follow signs for 東京・名古屋 and merge onto 長野自動車道
Toll road
3.7 km
11. Take exit 岡谷ＪＣＴ on the right toward 中央道・飯田・名古屋
Toll road
850 m
12. Merge onto 中央自動車道
Toll road
161 km
13. Take exit 小牧ＪＣＴ on the right toward 名神・小牧・京都
Toll road
1.2 km
14. Merge onto 東名高速道路
Toll road
5.8 km
15. Continue onto 名神高速道路 (signs for 名神・東海北陸道・京都・高山)
Toll road
167 km
16. Take exit 吹田ＪＣＴ toward 中国道・山陽道・宝塚・岡山
Toll road
1.8 km
17. Merge onto 中国自動車道
Toll road
30.3 km
18. Take exit 神戸ＪＣＴ toward 山陽道・岡山・徳島
Toll road
1.4 km
19. Merge onto 山陽自動車道
Toll road
309 km
20. Take exit 廿日市ＪＣＴ on the right toward 山陽道・岩国・北九州
Toll road
1.4 km
21. Merge onto 広島岩国道路
Toll road
11.7 km
22. Take the ramp onto 山陽自動車道
Toll road
95.3 km
23. Take exit 山口ＪＣＴ on the right toward 中国道・下関・北九州
Toll road
1.3 km
24. Merge onto 中国自動車道
Toll road
64.1 km
25. Continue onto 関門橋
Toll road
9.5 km
26. Continue onto 九州自動車道 (signs for 九州道・福岡・熊本)
Toll road
346 km
27. Take exit 高速鹿児島ＩＣ toward 鹿児島出口・南九州道・川内・伊集院
Toll road
300 m
28. Keep right at the fork, follow signs for 川内・伊集院・南九州道 and merge onto 国道3号線
Partial toll road
700 m
29. Take exit 鹿児島西Ｉ．Ｃ on the right toward 南九州道
Toll road
600 m
30. Merge onto 南九州西回り自動車道(市来~鹿児島西)/鹿児島道路
Toll road
20.4 km
31. Take the ramp to 国道3号線
Partial toll road
1.4 km
32. Turn left at 市来Ｉ．Ｃ入口（交差点） onto 国道3号線 (signs for 川内・串木野)
7.2 km
33. Turn left at 串木野駅（交差点） onto 県道38号線
1.7 km
34. Turn right
350 m
35. Turn left
180 m
36. Turn left
99 m
37. Take the 串木野~里~中甑~鹿島~長浜 ferry
Partial toll road
64.9 km
38. Turn left toward 県道349号線
53 m
39. Turn right toward 県道349号線
57 m
40. Turn left onto 県道349号線
11.3 km
41. Continue onto 県道350号線
3.4 km
42. Jet ski across the Pacific Ocean
782 km
43. Continue straight onto 塘后支路
400 m
44. Turn right onto 塘后路
500 m
45. Turn left onto 双城路
2.1 km
46. Turn left onto 同济路
1.6 km
47. Take the 2nd right onto 泰和路
650 m
48. Slight right to stay on 泰和路
250 m
49. Take the ramp on the left onto Ｓ２０外环高速
21.0 km
50. Take exit Ｇ２/Ｇ４２/中环路/苏州 toward Ｇ２京沪高速
400 m
51. Take exit Ｇ２京沪高速（沪宁）/Ｇ４２/苏州 to merge onto Ｇ２京沪高速
Partial toll road
117 km
52. Continue straight onto Ｇ４２沪蓉高速
Partial toll road
196 km
53. Merge onto Ｇ４０沪陕高速
Partial toll road
108 km
54. Merge onto Ｇ３京台高速
Toll road
6.1 km
55. Slight right onto Ｇ４０沪陕高速
Partial toll road
913 km
56. Slight right onto Ｇ７０福银高速
Toll road
1.5 km
57. Merge onto Ｇ６５包茂高速
Toll road
9.9 km
58. Merge onto Ｇ５京昆高速
Toll road
19.3 km
59. Slight right onto Ｇ７０福银高速
Partial toll road
178 km
60. Take the exit toward 312国道
230 m
61. Slight right onto 312国道
26.9 km
62. Slight right to stay on 312国道
48 m
63. Make a U-turn
110 m
64. Slight right onto the ramp to Ｇ２２青兰高速
140 m
65. Keep left at the fork and merge onto Ｇ２２青兰高速
Partial toll road
69.9 km
66. Take exit Ｇ３１２/平凉/华亭 on the left toward 312国道
Partial toll road
1.1 km
67. Turn right onto 312国道
2.8 km
68. Slight right onto 东湖路
3.0 km
69. Continue onto 崆峒大道（东段）
Go through 1 roundabout
2.2 km
70. Continue onto 崆峒大道（中段）
2.9 km
71. Slight right onto 来远路/312国道
Continue to follow 312国道
Partial toll road
91.4 km
72. Slight right to merge onto Ｇ２２青兰高速
Partial toll road
168 km
73. Take exit Ｇ３１２/甘草店 toward 312国道
Partial toll road
1.2 km
74. Turn right onto 312国道
16.1 km
75. Turn left
4.0 km

China

 

I managed to slip this wording into the specification for an offices WC refurbishment contract "Contractors are not to wash their dirty tools in the washbasins".

When Mrs Scrungee discovered a visitor had pooed on the floor of the toilets where she worked, the facilities manager told her to put a sign on the toilets saying it was out of order. He got extremely upset when she did exactly as requested and stuck a large sign on the door stating "Pooing on the floor is out of order".