I Really Can't Think What Has Happened to Me!

Discussion in 'The Muppet Show' started by Doghouse Riley, Feb 22, 2018.

  1. Doghouse Riley

    Doghouse Riley Head Gardener

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    I used to think I was just a normal person, but I was born white,
    which now, whether I like it or not, makes me a racist.

    I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which, by today's standards,
    makes me a fascist.

    I am heterosexual, which now makes me a homophobe.

    I have some savings and a few shares, which makes me a traitor to
    the working class and an ally of big business.

    I was Christened in the church where my parents were married,
    (and they remained married), which now labels me as a freak.

    I think and I reason; therefore I doubt much that the mainstream
    media tells me, which must make me a reactionary.

    I am proud of my heritage which makes me a xenophobe.

    I value my safety and that of my family and I appreciate the police
    and the legal system, which makes me a right-wing extremist.

    I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according
    to each individual's merits, which today makes me elitist.

    I believe in the defence and protection of the country for and by
    all citizens and I honour those who served in the Armed Forces,
    which now makes me a right wing-militant.

    Please help me come to terms with the new me… because I'm just
    unsure who the hell I am anymore!

    I would like to thank all my friends for sticking with me through
    these seemingly abrupt, new-found changes in my life and my
    thinking. I just can't imagine or understand what's happened to me
    so quickly!

    Funny but it’s all just taken place over the last 7 or 8 years!

    Finally, as if all this nonsense wasn’t enough to deal with, now
    I’m not even sure which lavatory to go into..............
     
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    • CanadianLori

      CanadianLori Total Gardener

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      as to the last noted concern...being a heterosexual, you'll figure that one out, that is if you can see beyond your beltline...and I'm sure you belong in the point and shoot lavatory :snorky:

      I had always thought a phobia was a fear of something so most of these labels don't make sense to me either. I am being told that having been born Canadian, that I'm probably suffering from Islamophobia... :rolleyespink:
       
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      • Doghouse Riley

        Doghouse Riley Head Gardener

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        It was only a joke.

        But as with many. there's a lot of truth in it.
         
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        • Sheal

          Sheal Total Gardener

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          You can't do right for doing wrong Doghouse Riley! :biggrin:
           
        • Verdun

          Verdun Passionate gardener

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          Blimey! Could have been me saying those things DHR.
           
        • CanadianLori

          CanadianLori Total Gardener

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          oh glod, now I have to remove my tongue from my cheek!!!
           
        • Doghouse Riley

          Doghouse Riley Head Gardener

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          That's the problem these days.

          People can over-react.

          I suggested elsewhere, that a well known pop singer was a bit of an attention seeker.

          Now that could apply to many, it's the nature of the business, they all like some publicity.

          Now because that individual happened to be gay, I was accused of being "homophobic."
           
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