Job application

Discussion in 'The Muppet Show' started by Dorsetmike, Dec 8, 2007.

  1. Dorsetmike

    Dorsetmike Gardener

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    This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner
    submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells.

    They hired him because he was so funny.....

    NAME:
    Kenneth Way (Grumpy illegitimate child)

    SEX:
    Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)

    DESIRED POSITION:
    Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?

    DESIRED SALARY:
    �£150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

    EDUCATION:
    Yes.

    LAST POSITION HELD:
    Target for middle management hostility.

    PREVIOUS SALARY:
    A lot less than I'm worth.

    MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
    My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

    REASON FOR LEAVING:
    It was a **** job.

    HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
    Any.

    PREFERRED HOURS:
    1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

    DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
    Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

    MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
    If I had one, would I be here?

    DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:
    Of what?

    DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
    I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

    HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
    I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.

    DO YOU SMOKE?:
    On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!

    WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
    Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

    NEAREST RELATIVE?:
    7 miles

    DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
    Oh yes, absolutely.
     
  2. Kandy

    Kandy Will be glad to see the sun again soon.....

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    Love it Mike. :D :D :D :D
     
  3. youngdaisydee

    youngdaisydee Gardener

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  4. borrowers

    borrowers Gardener

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    i would love to put in an application like that.

    are you sure it's true mike? if so, well done to B & Q for seeing beyond the answers.


    :D :D :D

    cheers
     
  5. daitheplant

    daitheplant Total Gardener

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    Male
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    Retired
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    South East Wales
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  6. Helofadigger

    Helofadigger Gardener

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    Oh my dear lord what a scream it would be to work with people like this, I wouldn't want to go home! :D
    Helen.xxx.
     
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