Lucky or wot?

I used to do that and have a list of my dealings with them. I used to record the conversations and made transcripts to entertain people with. Trying to keep them on the phone was the aim of what I did and my record was 28 minutes.

Since we got 'Call Guardian' I've never had any dodgy phone calls and miss them - but Mrs Shiney is much happier.

 

@Verdun Mrs Shiney actually got a genuine letter from the taxman saying she was due a tax refund and it itemised all her income and tax paid. The letter said that she could claim it online (through her Government Gateway account ) and receive it within 5 days - or just wait 60 days and she would get a cheque.

So I signed her into the GG, set a password etc. and it then said that, for security, they would send a one time code for her to use. That could be either a voicemail or text to her mobile or an automatic voicemail to, presumably (they didn't say) a landline. I've asked them what they do if you don't have a mobile and don't have an answerphone or, like us, have 'Call Guardian' which doesn't allow automatic messages as the caller must identify themselves before they get passed on.

I await their reply with interest.

 

One of my calls:-


“Hello”

“We have a report that you have a virus on your computer.”

“Oh, dear! I wondered what the cause was. Can you help me?”

Ahh, you’ve already noticed that you have a virus. Don’t worry we can solve the problem quite easily.”

“Wonderful!! When will you come round and what are you going to do?”

“We don’t need to come round. We can do everything from here.”

“Fantastic! It’s wonderful what modern science can do. How long does it take to work?”

“Not long. You just have to download some software that we can send to you.”

“Brilliant! Is this on the National Health? Because I’m a poor old pensioner and can’t afford anything.”

“There’s only a small charge but it solves all your problems.”

“Wow! Can it solve my other problems as well?”

“What are these other problems?”

“Well, my biggest problem is my back, up to now.”

“That’s OK, we have some other software to sort out back-up problems.”

“Great! Well, tell me what to do.”

“I’ll tell you what to type into your computer and it will show you on the screen what problems you’ve got.”

“Amazing! Will it tell me how I got this virus?”

“It’ll show you lots of things that are wrong but we can solve them all.”

“I always thought that you couldn’t sort out ‘Man-flu’ and that it just had to run its natural course.”

“Sorry, I don’t understand!”

“Well, I’m surprised that you can sort out my virus through the computer, but I suppose you don’t want to catch it yourself. Where did you get your medical training?”

Puzzled voice. “I don’t have any medical training but I’m highly trained in IT.”

“Oh, if you’re trained in ‘it’ I suppose you’re OK. Do I have to take any pills because I have trouble swallowing?”

Pause. “I’m not sure I understand!”

“Well, if you don’t understand then I don’t want any medical help from you!” And I slammed the phone down.