Monday's funny

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you

give me a lift?'
I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it..'
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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5
people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or
my Dad, or my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But

I think its Colin.
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Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other Your round.' The other
one says 'So are you, you fat ba#####