Police 'Intelligence' is not all it's cracked up to be

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by ClaraLou, Nov 13, 2011.

  1. ClaraLou

    ClaraLou Total Gardener

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2009
    Messages:
    3,527
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +2,731
    I've watched enough crime shows in my time. You know, the sort where the evil crim gets betrayed by the minutest bit of evidence and eventually has to say: 'all right guv. It's a fair cop. I done it.' Imagine my disillusionment, therefore, on discovering that our local police can't even trace the driver of one of their own panda cars.

    We've had a police car parked in our street for at least a day, maybe two. We've been looking at it and wondering ... why? It is parked near a rather troublesome alley, so we thought maybe it was there are part of a cunning plan to deter local hooligans. Early this morning, its alarm started going off. It is still going strong as I write. A small crowd has gathered. I 'phoned the grandly-named 'Kent Police Control Room' to report it. 'Oh, yeah', said a cheerful lady, 'it's been reported already. We're just trying to find out whose car it is.' The car already has a note on the windscreen saying 'thanks for ruining our Sunday morning'. A couple more hours and there won't be much of a car to collect. I do hope they manage to track down the owner soon. Surely, with all that state-of-the-art computer software, it can't be that hard to track down one of their own staff?
     
  2. ClaraLou

    ClaraLou Total Gardener

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2009
    Messages:
    3,527
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +2,731
    *NEWSFLASH* The Boys In Blue have just arrived. Three of them - best not take any chances, eh? They haven't got a clue what to do. Car alarm still going strong. They've taken an executive decision. They are making a phone call. They are opening the doors and closing them again rather a lot. They don't want to get in. Maybe they think some irate residents have sellotaped a bomb to it.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • ClaraLou

      ClaraLou Total Gardener

      Joined:
      Aug 12, 2009
      Messages:
      3,527
      Gender:
      Female
      Ratings:
      +2,731
      Update II: They have opened the bonnet and are staring at the contents like witchdoctors trying to divine the truth by peering at a goat's entrails. None of them has a clue. Hope they're not traffic cops. :heehee:
       
      • Like Like x 6
      • gcc3663

        gcc3663 Knackered Grandad trying to keep up with a 4yr old

        Joined:
        May 6, 2011
        Messages:
        3,860
        Gender:
        Male
        Location:
        North Tyneside/South Northumberland
        Ratings:
        +1,663
        Maybe it was TWOK'd.

        If it was from the compound and not booked out, it could take weeks to locate the right station.

        Of course it won't be traceable from the registration will it!!
         
        • Like Like x 2
        • ClaraLou

          ClaraLou Total Gardener

          Joined:
          Aug 12, 2009
          Messages:
          3,527
          Gender:
          Female
          Ratings:
          +2,731
          Cops have gone, car is still here, alarm is still going intermittently. I think they've probably gone to check if they have AA Homestart.
           
          • Like Like x 3
          • Scrungee

            Scrungee Well known for it

            Joined:
            Dec 5, 2010
            Messages:
            16,524
            Location:
            Central England on heavy clay soil
            Ratings:
            +28,998
            Any "Police Aware" signs stuck on the windscreen yet?
             
            • Like Like x 1
            • HYDROGEN86

              HYDROGEN86 Head Gardener

              Joined:
              Jul 17, 2011
              Messages:
              1,868
              Gender:
              Male
              Location:
              in the shed
              Ratings:
              +883
              I had a lovely Sunday morning lye in :D
              Woke up to the sounds of birds singing hehe
               
            • shiney

              shiney President, Grumpy Old Men's Club Staff Member

              Joined:
              Jul 3, 2006
              Messages:
              64,112
              Gender:
              Male
              Occupation:
              Retired - Last Century!!!
              Location:
              Herts/Essex border. Zone 8b
              Ratings:
              +125,210
              It's an offence under The Noise and Statutory Nuisance Act 1993 for a car alarm to sound continuously.

              I would be inclined to point this out to the police and also tell them that a passerby heard a couple of the neighbours saying they were going to smash the window and rip out the wiring. Of course, you can't tell them which neighbours as you only heard it from a passerby whom you don't know. :WINK1:
               
              • Like Like x 2
              • Phil A

                Phil A Guest

                Ratings:
                +0
                I'd be tempted to knock up a fake wheelclamp, just to see the look on their faces:heehee:

                Did that to my old boss on his retirement day, he saw it in the morning and thought it was the new boss having a laugh. When it was still there at lunchtime he asked the new boss to remove it.

                The new boss said "Wheelclamp?... Have you spoken to Searchfield about this?"

                Now there were about a hundred people working there, don't know what made him think it was me:scratch:
                 
                • Like Like x 4
                • Scrungee

                  Scrungee Well known for it

                  Joined:
                  Dec 5, 2010
                  Messages:
                  16,524
                  Location:
                  Central England on heavy clay soil
                  Ratings:
                  +28,998
                  Report it to Environmental Health ASAP - is this your local council/contact number Report Noise Nuisance Perhaps more chance of them of them coming out if you don't mention it's a police call when you call. Calls normall divert to the mobile of the EHO on duty, or an answerphone message will advise you of an out of hours number.
                   
                  • Like Like x 1
                  • Poolcue

                    Poolcue Gardener

                    Joined:
                    Jun 11, 2010
                    Messages:
                    124
                    Gender:
                    Male
                    Location:
                    Sutton
                    Ratings:
                    +67
                    Police and intelligence surely an oxymoron
                     
                    • Like Like x 4
                    • ClaraLou

                      ClaraLou Total Gardener

                      Joined:
                      Aug 12, 2009
                      Messages:
                      3,527
                      Gender:
                      Female
                      Ratings:
                      +2,731
                      Well, I've been out for a few hours but the car is still here. No 'Police Aware' sign, sadly. The alarm hasn't gone off for a while but give it time, give it time. Amazingly, the local kids haven't tried to nick it. But then it is a Skoda and they do have their pride. I think the cops would be better off with tricycles and loudhailers through which they could shout: 'ni-naw-ni-naw-ni-naw'.
                       
                      • Like Like x 2
                      • Scrungee

                        Scrungee Well known for it

                        Joined:
                        Dec 5, 2010
                        Messages:
                        16,524
                        Location:
                        Central England on heavy clay soil
                        Ratings:
                        +28,998
                        Then it needs one of these: [​IMG]
                         
                        • Like Like x 2
                        • ClaraLou

                          ClaraLou Total Gardener

                          Joined:
                          Aug 12, 2009
                          Messages:
                          3,527
                          Gender:
                          Female
                          Ratings:
                          +2,731
                        • clueless1

                          clueless1 member... yep, that's what I am:)

                          Joined:
                          Jan 8, 2008
                          Messages:
                          17,778
                          Gender:
                          Male
                          Location:
                          Here
                          Ratings:
                          +19,598
                          I love this thread, it has cracked me up. I think if its still there tomorrow I'd be tempted to phone the local newspaper and just say "I bet you daren't ask the coppers if they've misplaced one of their own cars".
                           
                        Loading...

                        Share This Page

                        1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
                          By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
                          Dismiss Notice