public relations - or spin as it may be know these days

A highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically knocked down by a bus and killed. Her soul arrived at the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter welcomed her:

"Before you get settled in," he said, "We have a little problem... you see, we've never had a Human Resources Manager make it this far before and we're not really sure what to do with you."

"Oh, I see," said the woman. "Can't you just let me in?"

"Well, I'd like to," said St Peter, "But I have higher orders. We're instructed to let you have a day in hell and a day in heaven, and then you are to choose where you'd like to go for all eternity."

"Actually, I think I'd prefer heaven", said the woman.

"Sorry, we have rules..." at which St. Peter put the HR Manager into the downward bound elevator.

As the doors opened in hell she stepped out onto a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club; around her were many friends - past fellow executives, all smartly dressed, happy, and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played a perfect round of golf and afterwards went to the country club where she enjoyed a superb steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil, who was actually rather nice, and she had a wonderful night telling jokes and dancing. Before she knew it, it was time to leave; everyone shook her hand and waved goodbye as she stepped into the elevator. The elevator went back up to heaven where St. Peter was waiting for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said.

So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing, which was almost as enjoyable as her day in hell. At the day's end St Peter returned.

"So," he said, "You've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. You must choose between the two."

The woman thought for a second and replied, "Well, heaven is certainly lovely, but I actually had a better time in hell. I choose hell."

Accordingly, St. Peter took her to the elevator again and she went back down to hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends dressed in rags, picking up rubbish and putting it in old sacks. The Devil approached and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stuttered the HR Manager, "Yesterday I was here, and there was a golf course, and a country club, and we ate lobster, and we danced and had a wonderful happy time. Now all there's just a dirty wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her and smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're staff."

 

Good joke but I heard it before in a political form, with the punchline, "Yesterday we were canvassing."

 

:lollol: 2 funny

 

:lollol:

 

On the subject of "Human relations" I'm of a similar view about their worth.

For my sins I was a superstore general manager for a major retailer for many years, before going into "store openings."
As I was "old school" I had a considerable amount of clout with the "top brass" so wouldn't take any interference, it doesn't work like that these days, many stores are now run by "jobsworths" at the beck and call of their head office and the pay rates are truly half what they used to be when the post had real authority and descision making responsibilities.

When it came to recruitment, I did my own, I interviewed potential departmental managers and I trained them to interview their own staff.
This they appreciated as they were able to employ people who they thought they could work with and would get along with the other staff. They'd also persevere to get the best out of them as it was there choice and could blame no one if it didn't work out too well.
I'd always refuse the "help" of Human Resources. The head of that department only asked me once why I refused their assistance. "Because you'd level a ridiculous charge against my store's profitability, for something I could do better myself."

The checkout supervisors (they don't have them these days do they? You can never find anyone) once I'd trained them in interviewing techniques by having them with me when interviewing potentional employees, I allowed them to recruit their own checkout staff. I had an unspoken rule, that those employed regardless of age, were "easy on the eye" of the customers. (Difficult to get away with that now). I trusted them to do the job and never had any problems. Occasionally they'd say,
"Do you want to have a look at this girl we're taking on?"
I'd say, "Why? Is there a problem?"
"Oh no! she came out well on the maths test and seems very personable, we're happy."
"So?"
"Well we think she's about a 38C."
There's always a lot of humour in retail.

Digressing;

I don't know if you've experienced the problem when shopping in big stores, that "they've moved everything."
This is because "the space planners" have taken over the business and are always wanting to relay sections.
In my experience, I found this often annoyed customers as a lot of these alterations are unnecessary. You obviously need space for seasonal products, but they should not impinge on the sales of everyday items.
Quite often these "space planning 'erberts" usually graduates, would come in and want to turn a whole section upside down. I'd tell them to give me their proposed layout and then chuck them out of the store. I'd only change things around the least possible to accomodate any new lines and if after a while I didn't think it was right, I'd change it back again.
My first priority was profit and you can't make one by upsetting customers. Despite what the "suits" think, the average customer wants to get in, find what they want and get out as quickly as possible.

For me "profit" equalled "bonus" I always made mine.