Roadside shrines

Is it just me, or does anyone else get fed up seeing those trees by the sides of the road, big lump of bark missing and a bunch of flowers.
Then one bunch becomes two, then three, and before you know it its a compost heap.

What is going on, its a modern thing to go all OTT when somebody dies, often doing something stupid.
I also dont understand the out pouring of grief by total strangers when someone dies, its all over done.
My personal thoughts are unless its someone close to me, who I really care about, I feel sorry, but dont feel the need to go making a big statement.

What has happened to the stiff upper lip, why has everyone gone all gooey?

 

It has become "the thing to do" but I agree unless you knew the person well no point really.

 

We came across our first roadside displays when on the only occasion I could get Mr Kandy to holiday abroad(1988) in France and to begin with we couldn't understand what they were all about as there were crosses on trees plus photos as well as the flowers.In time it suddenly dawned on us as to what it was all about because at the time there was nothing like that in the UK.

Some of the first ones over here I believe were painted bicycles with ribbons on them in towns and cities to remember the loss of life due to traffic accidents.

Even when we are on holiday and walking up on cliff tops we see wreaths, flowers,crosses and photos plus on occasions I have nearly trodden in what I thought was a pile of grit but suddenly realised it was the ashes of someone's dearly departed.

We also find bench seats up on the downs with flowers on them plus lots of benches are bought by relatives and the deserved names are etched into them.You can also buy Trig points in memory of loved ones.

Like you say Pete,sometimes it can seem to be a bit over the top but I expect it is the families way of feeling some sort of closeness to their loved one as that is probably the spot where their life was taken.

I don't know whether it is a trend that will carry on for many more years or will eventually die (scuse pun)out.

PS,I did shed a tear or two when Princess Diana passed away rhe way she did.I am not bothered if no one else sheds any tears when I have popped me clogs as long as Mr Kandy does

 

They are commom place in Ireland, they put headstones on the spot.

 

Perhaps I've just become a very grumpy old woman but I really can't see why we have adopted what was to me a foreign trait ( I have seen roadside shines in Southern Ireland. Spain, France and Portugal.

In some ways I find the practice somewhat ghoulish and these shrines are almost X marks the spot.

Near to where I live a small boy of about 9 years old was knocked down and killed recently. The resulting pile of floral tributes caused another accident as the wind blew a coule of the bunches of flowers across the busy road which resulted in a car swerving and hitting a tree! Of course the child's death was tragic, just not sure the resulting public outpouring is really appropriate.

 

My local council has luckily put a ban on leaving flowers at the side of the road where accidents happens. Not sure whether the ban is when it immediately happens but people aren't allowed to leave flowers for weeks after or on the anniversary of the accident

Instead i believe they said they would have a special place else where for people to do that but any floral tributes that are left on the road side will be removed immediately.

which to be honest i personally think is fair

I feel for anyone who has lost someone and wants to leave their respects but I don't understand why you would want to do it where that person died as a constant reminder.

Also with road traffic accidents there is always another party involved and in some cases the person driving is to blame and in other cases they are not. I feel for those who have been in an RTC that causes the death of someone through no fault of their own who then have to live with that for the rest of their life. I don't think it is fair to have to see a reminder every year especially if they live near by and cant escape it anyway. it must haunt them.

My main gripe with it tho is the fact that no one comes back to clear it away so completely dead flowers are left in lots of plastic and it just looks tatty and then when as it weathers gets strewn everywhere.

I may be a bit distant from this tho as no one in my family has ever been buried so I don't understand visiting a grave and paying your respects. All my family members have been cremated and none of us can ever remember where we scattered the ashes so we don't do visits to their resting place etc we never do anything on anniversaries of their death or birthdays. we just remember them day to day in life.

 

Interesting. From your worded Description I can say, those creations do not happen over here. For car accidents friends/families have placed a 3 to 4 foot white cross on the side of the road, and a small wreath usually hangs on it, or one or two items on the ground. That is it. There was a fatal car car accident near a cement bridge, the family did hammer an angel figure on the cement, but that is all is there. There is one such white cross I walk past on a country road near me, it stays pretty much the same, with small additions or subtractions now and then. Finally was able to ask someone of the story. The person did say someone women comes by now and then to put stuff there . That cross has been there about 5 years. But in general there are very few around.

BTW --I don't get visiting grave yards of loved ones. Have not visited my parents ever yet. My dogs are buried on our property, a nice hill side, under pretty shrubs. And when my cats go, there are ample spots for them to remain at home.

BTW-the thing I don't get, and you see this on Facebook a lot. Is someone will say, ---for example--- " Today is my dads birthday--he would be 99 years old had he lived." Sometime I am so close to put in --"today is my Great Great Grandmother 's Birthday, she would have been 350 years old had she lived. "
Maybe its, me, but it is a rarity I think of my parents on their birthday, sometime. OK. But, they are gone.

 

Mr Kandys sister has all the dates of all the relatives she has known in her life time jotted down on Calenders with the age against the name as to which birthday they would have been celebrating if they were still alive.

In her diaries she has the same information plus she can tell you to the nearest second as to what time these relatives died,how old they were and also what they died of.She can probably also tell you their whole medical history while they were in hospital before they passed away.

Right up until the time her mother drew her last breath Mr Kandys sister was there next to her right until the end but since the funeral and internment of the ashes 11 years ago she has never ever visited her mothers grave to lay flowers or check to make sure the grave is in good condition to which I am very surprised because they were so close as mother and daughter they lived every day practically welded to each other.I expect she will be exactly the same when her father eventually goes.Funny how death changes people

 

I can understand memorial benches donated, for others to use, in a deceased persons favourite spot.

Its those spontaneous tatty looking flowers that end up littering the highways that I cant abide.

 

As an ex racer and having spent weeks at a time over at the Nurbergring in Germany I have to say the many such memorials around the track focus the mind a wee bit.
If I'm honest I don't like these things. I do have respect for people's feelings but I feel there is a right place for memorials and that is in cemeteries or gardens of rememberance...

 

There are 'shrines' all round the TT course here. As many are aware there are losses every year through racing, or accidents due to the biking population explosion at the time. At any other time this would be considered littering, especially when as Pete says, the items start to deteriorate. Once again it's the 'fashionable' thing to do but I find it unnecessary and an eyesore. Why can't people be mourned as they once were, privately, without this open display for everyone to see. I find it quite gruesome!

I apologise if I have offended anyone by my words, but we all have different opinions to be shared.

 

I don't get the roadside shrines either, but for me grief is a private thing. The only ones who benefit are the florists and it's such a waste, and such a mess.