Tales from the allotment shed "Mr james bond"

Evening all,
Well as its yet another freezing evening and even im not to keen on doing any outside stuff in this weather I thought i'd continue to try and keep the interest going for those who are waiting for that letter saying your next.

I told you about "emma and her mum Pam" But they we're only two new comers to the allotment world and tonight im going to tell you about a few others,
We had this one man aged in his 80's named James, and he had this old ford, it was rusty and the window was'nt electric it was masking taped closed, he had an wire coat hanger for the car ariel, and on the back window was a stick-on sign warning the car was alarmed.

James swore by ford, they we're the only car you could get spares for with no problems, James had a rival on the allotment, "Bongy" his real name was jimmy but because he walked with a bounce like action he was thought of as one of the childrens tv. programs with zippy & co and so he was always called bongy berks,

Now bongy was a cook in the local Terratorial army unit and he and James would wind each other up something rotten,

James would make out the Bongy was in the S.A.S And bongy asked james one day while we we're all enjoying a cuppa together

" why" he told people he was in the S.A.S,,?

James said, thats what the T.A. was all about,was'nt it?

"BONGY" Asked what do you mean?

James replied your only a Saturday And Sunday soldier S.A.S.
We all fell about laughing and then to make things worse for Bongy "James" said,

NO,NO, I should'nt have said that i didnt mean it!
What i should have said was the T.A. stands for "takes any anyone:yess:

That again caused us all to roar laughing "more at Bongy's face then anything else.

Anyway this one Sunday morning we we're doing are plots when "Bongy came rushing along shouting look look, whats coming down the pathway!

(Now i should explain the only vehicle aloud through the metal gates was the key holder "he's like the site caretaker" unless you we're having manure or something like that delivered)

We all looked to see this brand new nissen X trial 4x4 wheel drive car
driving with all four flashing lights going & the alarms,

behind the wheel was 'James and sitting next to him was his wife".

She got out all red faced, and James was fumbling about trying to get the hand book for his new car.

It was then his wife told us the story, He'd won £25,000 on the premium bonds and she wanted him to have a nice car, she went on to say "All the kids have grown up and its our turn now,

I was so ashamed of that old ford, Every time anyone wanted to talk to him he had to tell them to go round to the other side of the car because that bloody window was all fix up with black tape.

Anyway the motor sales gave him £200.00 part ex if he bought this new car and so it got delivered yesterday and todays the first drive we had and its all gone wrong.

He'd taken his wife "peggy" to get the news papers and he parked on the big Tesco car park "the car park was having a car boot sale"

When they got back to this lovely big "best car he'd ever had " car and climbed in and put the key in the ignition, all hell let loose the car alarm started and the four-ways flashers started, and she went on

James decided he didnt like people looking at him and so we tried to get off the car park and some snotty little kid came up to us and asked if he was the ice-man?and wanted a 99'er with hundreds & thousands.
And once we'd got onto the main road bus'es and cars we're flashing us because his 4 way flashers we're going,

The neighbours all came out to see what was going on, and i had to wave to them all like the bloody Queen mother on one of her visits.

And so i said just drive any place as long as its away from our front door.

And thats why we are here and he's looking to see how to stop all these flashing lights and alarms going.

Well after this episode, he got the nick name (from S.A.S BONGY BERKS) James The bond.

It was a day we all laughed at so many times and james & jimmy kept winding each other up for many a happy day.

"Oh before anyone ask!"
my nick name was "ANGEL" because i rode my old trusty BSA 3 geared push bike, (BONGY, said it was as near to an hell's angel i'd ever get)

Goodnight and good gardening.