What a coincidence

... we had only just arrived at the KCS14 yesterday and Mr "M" was getting a cuppa when someone came up to me and asked if my dog was named Ozzy. (Seriously: it was minutes/footsteps into it!)

What a coincidence!!! I was now presented with the family who gave Ozzy up to the Dogs Trust.

This was not the first meeting: some time last year (I think I posted about it) Mr "M" met the man who used to own Ozzy - and here I was, presented by the whole family (Mr, Mrs +4). It was quite a dilemma actually.

Just for a brief moment, my heart sank and I was worried Ozzy would remember them and yearn to return to them. There has been an article on the news in the past few days where a dog had "found" it's owners 5yrs on! They don't forget

Actually, it took a few moments before Oz fully appreciated that he knew these people and, when he did, he gave the man a full length, paw on shoulder, greeting.

The wife was most kind, and very generous, with her affirmation that Ozzy was my boy: "He clearly loves you - the way he is leaning into you!"

I did feel for their 4 children though: it was the youngest lad who had noticed Oz first and I could see the longing in his (and his father's!) face.

When we adopted Oz from the Dogs Trust, it never occurred to us that we may meet the people who had placed him there. And, here we were, making a 2nd meeting (albeit, my own first).

It has left me feeling quite torn: they clearly have an affection for him - why else make themselves known? - and I'm quite certain there are at least two members of that family who miss him greatly (if not all of them). Should I have offered them an opportunity to have updates? Should I have been less defensive and more generous and offered an email address so they could have updates?

I didn't I admit to feeling very defensive and quite selfish and wanting to keep him safe and "pure" (by that I mean, not confusing Oz further and letting him be affiliated with us; who will adore him and pay for him and treat him accordingly for the rest of his life).

I only have gratitude, in my heart, for them giving him up - if they hadn't, he wouldn't be filling our lives with joy!. But, there is a part of me thinking: hang on - you "gave him up!"? - why would you still want to identify yourselves and encroach on *my* space and time? Equally - why would you identify yourselves to this dog who (let's face it!) would have grieved for you? Would have been so confused and frightened by being abandoned by you?

So, I have conflicting thoughts and feelings: the human part of me thinks: blast! The man (and his youngest) clearly still miss Oz, and at least one of them carries a guilt trip about giving him up (if not all of them!). Maybe I should have extended the hand of compassion and offered them a means of having updates on him?

The other part of me thinks: hang on! Why are you encroaching on our business? The moment you gave him up, you gave up the right to know anything about him! Why are you putting yourself forward? Not for the first time, but for the 2nd time!! Leave us be! You have no right to push in, confuse my dog, his world or even our lives!!! Back off!!

But, it has preyed on my mind since: should they? (have butted in?) Should I? (have given them an opportunity for updates?)
If I look to Ozzy for an answer,: let's put it this way ... when they walked away (?) ... he didn't pull and hanker.
From "M's" point of view? I looked and saw two souls hankering with regret It didn't sit well in my heart.

I am not comfortable with this

 

Do whats right for you, it's your family

 

Thank you, Jiffy - and while I do agree ... I'm still feeling like I've done something "wrong" (illogical, perhaps - but, that is the dilemma of my compassionate side ) besides, I didn't offer a means of updates and I can't change that now either: I just feel bad

 

Tricky.

I guess you don't know the reason they gave him up?

 

don't feel bad, you never know you may meet again, then if you would like to give them update you can

 

Scan this and keep some in your pocket, then they'll know where to find you

 

Yes: maybe 3rd time lucky? It does touch my heart - especially when I have a child looking longingly at a pet he clearly adored and has grieved for.

Yes, I do.
"Trashed garden: wife has asthma" was what he said yesterday (plus, they only had him for the briefest time, having taken him on from the previous owner). Slightly different from what he said to Mr "M" when he approached him last year (too big/lots of furbunnies) but, it's easy to read between the lines from the two different responses.
Bear in mind, we were his 4th family before his 1st birthday (he's now 2 and a half and very well loved/treated. But, even though he is a canine, I can't dismiss how they feel and pack mentality/bonding). Equally, they are human and I can't dismiss from my mind that they gave him up with much regret (as it now appears to be) and with great fondness.

Ultimately, I just wish they hadn't said hello - for their sakes, mine and that of Oz.

If there should be a 3rd meeting (and, I can't rule *that* out! ) I will offer them updates via email but I will also suggest that they really do need to let him go and just walk on by. Harsh, but that is what I feel they should have done in all fairness. If you give up on a dog, you give up on the right to keep introducing yourself? Let him be and let him live in perpetual love and kindness: don't drop in and confuse his heart. (Gosh! That does sound so harsh and very UNcompassionate ... but it is meant in the kindest of ways )

 

I had an Alsation for a while, she was called NCC1701. She had to go as I was so allergic to her it was like having the flu, can see where they're coming from.

 

That's sort of my point?
I *can* see where they are coming from! I have only gratitude and no ill will (why would I? Their loss is my gain!) I just wish they could see where Ozzy is coming from?
It's hard enough to be "redirected" (even for the very best of reasons); but, it must be harder still to be reminded of who once was (from Ozzy's point of view) ?
He's been a little sullen since - although, to be very fair, he had his legs walked off and his head patted to glory and it may just be that

 

Awwh poor M - I do this all the time beat myself up with emotional dilemmas!
I think there will be comfort in seeing that Oz is loved and well looked after. Also the young one will have had the opportunity of seeing the difference in approach to keeping a pet. This may stick in his head when he is older and make him a wiser pet owner in adulthood. (Research before commiting etc)
As for keeping contact - not sure. I think that as long as you are friendly and happy to give an update if you do happen to meet them, I think I would stick at that. If you keep bumping into them in the future, it is obviously meant to be that you formulate a relationship with Oz's extended family!
He sounds like a lucky dog to have found you!

 

Hi "M" ... I perhaps would look at it from a different view. What if it was a child (not of the furry kind) you adopted ... how would you feel if the 'parents' came and approached you out of the blue? I would be mortified. They obviously had their reasons for 'giving away' their furry child and in my mind it was wrong that they approached you. My husband is adopted so I am looking at it from another view I know ... but ... Ozzie is yours and always will be and I know you will cherish him forever as his 'other parents' did not for whatever their reasons were.

I would NOT keep in touch.

xx

PS We are still working on Hoover van Dyson who still hasn't left our doorstep after 7 weeks and only today t'other half said we must take pictures constantly that he lives here as animals in Portugal are considered 'personal property' and someone could come after us for looking after him ...

 

Also if they wanted updates they too could have given you there email/phone number etc
so don't feel bad

 

I think they are being selfish and a bit masochistic "M". It serves no purpose whatsoever as far as Ozzy is concerned. He is well settled where he is and would not seek to desert you or your home.
I hope they are not stalking you?
Another reason to get this house move underway.......
Jenny

 

Hi M

I maybe sound harsh , but you took on Ozzy not the family, most probably quite genuine that its something they all or some of them never get over but at least they had the strength to give him up for whatever reason , plus he is easy to spot as he does stand out from the crowd.
My friend had to give her basset hound to that breed society and they picked him up from a supermarket she was in pieces for weeks but she was at work 5 days sometimes 6 days a week and he suffered from anxiety being left at home and would howl and howl , the last she heard about him he lived with a older couple both retired who didn't want a puppy , and as soon as she found that out she was a lot happier.

And the family that bumped into you should appreciate that, and leave it at that.

No contact if me , where will it end , take him for walks pop round your house to see him not fair on Ozzy and especially you , dont feel guilty , THINK HOW WONDERFUL ARE WE GIVING HIM A LOVING LASTING HOME , because that's what I think of you .

Spruce

 

I agree with a lot of what's been said "M". For Ozzy's sake they should never have approached either you or him. There's also the fact that he's had a number of homes. A dog never forgets who has been in his life before and it wasn't fair of these people to do so, what if they had abused him? Could you imagine what Ozzy's reaction to that would have been? My mum had a 'rescue' dog that had been abused and she never got over the trigger points, they remember for life!

Meanwhile I would say you were right not to offer some form of contact as has been said, they gave him up for whatever reason and that should be an end to it, Ozzy's life is with you now, he's happy and doesn't need the past! Your conscience may be telling you otherwise but let it go for his sake. If you stay in contact after another meet it may reach the point where they ask for him back......could you give him up? And would it be fair to give him up and confuse him even further? Forgive the pun but let sleeping dogs lie, forget about them, the rest of his life is with you and you know he's happy!