A Joke Or Two 2023/24

Absolutely correct @Star gaze Lily!

 

I do try @Ladybird4

 

Those two are great @ChrisIB

 

That made me laugh, @Ladybird4, remembering getting locked out of the house and trying to instruct little son through the cat flap!

 

A man was working in the garden, and his wife was about to take a shower.
He realized that he couldn't find the rake and yelled up to his wife. "Where is the rake?"
She couldn't hear, and she yelled back, "What?"
He pointed to his eye and then pointed to his knee and made a raking motion.
His wife wasn't sure and said, "What?"
He repeated the gestures. "EYE - KNEED - THE RAKE"
His wife replied that she understands and signals back.
She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, points to her backside, and finally to her crotch.
Well, there is no way in hell he could even come close to that one.
Exasperated, He went upstairs and asked her, "What the hell was that?"
She replies:
"EYE - LEFT TI*T - BEHIND - THE BUSH!!!”

 

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A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.
SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.
THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL
HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."
HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.
"I TOLD HER, 'FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO."

 

@Victoria - love it!

 

@Victoria Me too!

 

Love it @Star gaze Lily!