A Joke Or Two 2023/24

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I hope that you will all be singing this!

 

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Sounds a bit like the sort of invitation my in-laws might have sent to their friends for our own nuptials. Luckily we are still together….

 

My prospective in-laws weren't enamoured with me, and my father-in-law to be, refused to make a speech at the reception. He did, grudgingly, give his daughter away - but it was grudgingly.
I never knew whether he changed his opinion, but my mother-in-law had a complete change of heart, after his death - or possibly before, but she wouldn't cross her husband.
I must say that they ate most of the leftover wedding cake while we were on our honeymoon, with the comment that they had paid for it, so it was theirs.

 

Oh dear @RowlandsCastle, that did seem a bit harsh of them. After all you and your OH were happy and they could have been happy for the pair of you. Still it all worked out in the end.

 

Yes, it worked out. My parents were a bit apprehensive, but they were happy, because we wanted to make a go of it.
There again, aren't most parents apprehensive - wanting the best for their child!!? An idea that "no one is good enough for my son, or daughter"!

 

Landlord at my pub said, "Why are you looking so happy?"

I replied, "The wife just had one of those procedures done at the hospital today that would bring a smile to most men's faces."

He said, "Breast enlargement?"

I said "Nah, post-mortem!"

 

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An undercover cop called at my farm in Caerphilly yesterday evening...

“I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs” he said. “By all means officer, just don’t go in that field over there” I replied.

The cop exploded, saying “Do you know who the **** I am?! I have the authority of the government with me!” he shouted before pulling a badge out of his back pocket, “Do you see this ******* badge?! This badge means I can do what I want and I’ll go wherever the **** I want, have I made myself clear?!”

I nodded politely, apologised, and went about my work.

A short while later, I heard loud screams, looked up and saw the cop running for his life being chased by my angry bull.

With each step, the bull was gaining ground and he seemed sure to be gored before he reached safety.

The officer looked terrified and continued to run for his life.

I threw down my tools, and immediately ran to the edge of the fence and shouted at the top of my lungs.

“Your badge! Your badge! show him your ******* badge!”