A Joke Or Two 2023/24

Reminds me of a college class I had and we had to chant "Keep your legs together" ... but it was referring to sitting in a ladylike manner! When we left the classroom all the boys were chanting ...

 

I asked J.K. Rowling about Harry's father;

she thinks it's James Hewitt as well.

 

THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY "THOMAS COOK VACATIONS" FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS:
1. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax."
2. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."
3. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."
4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price."
5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."
6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."
7. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned."
8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared."
9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."
10. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."
11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."
12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair."
13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller."
14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service."
15. "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners."
16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning."
17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."
18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes."
19. "My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

 

Probably the best encounter we have had was many years ago and a English couple sat down at a beach restaurant near us and ordered fish and chips. The waiter in due course brought their meals ... freshly caught fish on their plates complete with heads and tails ... and the couple had a fit demanding the fish and chips they ordered. The poor waiter explained it was "fresca piexe e batas fritas" but the couple was having none of it and left. It is no use us intervening in such incidences.

We have seen families of Brits blocking aisles in grocery stores while they hold a box of Kellogg's Corn Flakes and try to determine what it contains. Recently our friend Steve saw a Brit "puzzled" examining potatoes so he asked if he could help and she asked what the dirt was on them so he told her it was the earth in which they are grown. Surely they still sell loose potatoes where she lived.

 

Bought some very dirty new potatoes in morrisons this morning.
But I do remember some old geezer, he was old enough to know better, remark, some years ago, so we have to buy dirt as well do we.

They Also stock the plastic bag ones all nicely washed if that's what you want. But you can get them all year round and they always taste of nothing for some reason.

 

I bet this gets the crowds rolling in.

 

I think this sums things up. Best way to get from Dover to Folkestone.