A Joke Or Two 2023/24

Spotted this at the garden centre this morning, bet it's upset a few.
It's the bit at the top.

 

I wonder how you pronounce that.

 

I copied this from Wiki @pete ...

Shitterton is a hamlet in Dorset, England. It has attracted worldwide attention for its name, which dates back at least 1000 years and means "farmstead on the stream used as an open sewer"1. Shitterton has frequently been noted on lists of unusual place names, due to having the vulgar term “moo poo” in its name1.

 

A recent visit to Brighton, on arrival l asked a lady for directions to my hotel; and she said it's only a stone's throw away.

I said will l recognize it?

She replied - it's the one with all the broken windows.

 

A man wanted to build up his fitness. He saw an advert offering a rapid transformation from couch potato to elite athlete. Two options were offered. There was the standard option, for £35 per session, or the premium option for £70 per session. He signed up for the standard option.

The next morning, dressed ready for a run, there was a knock at the door. His personal trainer was here. He opened the door to a beautiful athletic young woman. She proclaimed, if you can catch me, you can do whatever you want with me, then immediately turned and started running. The man chased her but every time he closed the distance, she would just effortlessly speed up.

This happened every morning for six weeks. Each time the man would get within a few feet of catching her but just couldn't quite do it. But he did notice his fitness improving rapidly.

Spurred on by his progress, and how tantalising close he was to winning his prize. He decided to splash out and upgrade to the premium service. Excited about the day ahead, in the morning, there was a knock at the door. He opened the door to the biggest, most grizzly man he'd ever seen. Surprised it wasn't his usual personal trainer, he asked the man what he wanted. The man replied, 'you upgraded to premium, you start running, if I catch you, you're mine to do whatever I want with you', and gave a big cheesy grin. The customer achieved his best ever running performance that day.