A JOKE OR TWO.!!

Discussion in 'The Muppet Show' started by music, Jan 2, 2017.

  1. music

    music Memories Are Made Of This.

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2009
    Messages:
    3,415
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    A Little Bit Of This And A Little Bit Of That.
    Location:
    Scotland
    Ratings:
    +2,786
    (Marriage).


    A husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!.





    The Husband yells, " When You Die I'm getting you a headstone that reads,

    "Here lies my Wife-----------------Cold As Ever"!!!!!!!!!!!.





    "YES"!! she replies,"When you die I'm Getting You A Headstone that reads.









    "Here Lies My Husband::: Stiff At Last" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!.:yay::yay::yay:.;).
     
    • Funny Funny x 5
    • Petemz

      Petemz Gardener

      Joined:
      May 30, 2018
      Messages:
      39
      Gender:
      Male
      Location:
      West Yorkshire U.k.
      Ratings:
      +114
      Two fellas working on a building site, and the Gaffa comes up to them and says, " I want you to measure these two poles. "
      So the two fellas set about measuring the poles, by laying them on the ground.
      Moments later the Gaffa returns and says, " Your doing it all wrong, it's the height I want and not the length ! " :loll:
       
      • Funny Funny x 2
      • Petemz

        Petemz Gardener

        Joined:
        May 30, 2018
        Messages:
        39
        Gender:
        Male
        Location:
        West Yorkshire U.k.
        Ratings:
        +114
        Three Guys applying for jobs.
        The first Guy goes into the Manager's office, the Manager asks him, " Which hand am I holding up? "
        The Guy replies " Your left hand. "
        The Manager says " You've got the job. " :pathd:
        The second Guy goes into the office, and the Manager asks him, " Which hand am I holding up? "
        The second Guy says " Your left hand. "
        The Manager says " You've got the job. " :pathd:
        The second Guy says to the third Guy, " Just tell the Manager which hand He's holding up? "
        So the third Guy goes into the office, and the Manager rubs His hands together.
        The third Guy says, " Awww, you shuffled them ! " :oopss:
         
        • Funny Funny x 2
        • Petemz

          Petemz Gardener

          Joined:
          May 30, 2018
          Messages:
          39
          Gender:
          Male
          Location:
          West Yorkshire U.k.
          Ratings:
          +114
          So there's these two blokes working for the Parks and Garden dept.
          And one day they're working away in the park, and there's this chap sat on't park bench watching them.
          After a while he gets curious, and goes up to the first bloke and says, " Why are you digging these holes, and then your mates filling them in ? "
          He replies, " Well, the bloke who plants the trees is away on holiday ! " :thud:
           
          • Funny Funny x 1
          • redstar

            redstar Total Gardener

            Joined:
            Aug 6, 2008
            Messages:
            7,414
            Gender:
            Female
            Occupation:
            Domestic Goddess
            Location:
            Chester County, PA, USA, Plant zone 4 & 5
            Ratings:
            +11,595
            there are more airplanes in the ocean than submarines in the sky.
             
            • Agree Agree x 3
            • Funny Funny x 1
            • roders

              roders Total Gardener

              Joined:
              Feb 26, 2006
              Messages:
              6,229
              Gender:
              Male
              Ratings:
              +7,249
              Just a little ditty I picked up.

              Remind you of any one?

               
            • redstar

              redstar Total Gardener

              Joined:
              Aug 6, 2008
              Messages:
              7,414
              Gender:
              Female
              Occupation:
              Domestic Goddess
              Location:
              Chester County, PA, USA, Plant zone 4 & 5
              Ratings:
              +11,595
              47119188_769136393434388_6110745079222108160_n.jpg
               
              • Funny Funny x 2
              • Beckie76

                Beckie76 Total Gardener

                Joined:
                Jan 26, 2015
                Messages:
                3,123
                Gender:
                Female
                Location:
                Near Bury St Edmunds in Suffolk
                Ratings:
                +8,435
                This really made me chuckle.... F0802729-3AD7-4344-9389-70A92E68BE9A.png
                 
                • Funny Funny x 4
                • Like Like x 1
                • Beckie76

                  Beckie76 Total Gardener

                  Joined:
                  Jan 26, 2015
                  Messages:
                  3,123
                  Gender:
                  Female
                  Location:
                  Near Bury St Edmunds in Suffolk
                  Ratings:
                  +8,435
                  FA18210B-164E-42A4-B756-A07A276B41E0.png
                   
                  • Funny Funny x 2
                  • Like Like x 1
                  • Fat Controller

                    Fat Controller 'Cuddly' Scottish Admin! Staff Member

                    Joined:
                    May 5, 2012
                    Messages:
                    28,006
                    Gender:
                    Male
                    Occupation:
                    Public Transport
                    Location:
                    At me 'puter, GCHQ Ashford Office, Middlesex
                    Ratings:
                    +52,707
                  • Fat Controller

                    Fat Controller 'Cuddly' Scottish Admin! Staff Member

                    Joined:
                    May 5, 2012
                    Messages:
                    28,006
                    Gender:
                    Male
                    Occupation:
                    Public Transport
                    Location:
                    At me 'puter, GCHQ Ashford Office, Middlesex
                    Ratings:
                    +52,707
                  Loading...

                  Share This Page

                  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
                    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
                    Dismiss Notice