A joke or two.

...

 

My wife thinks that i should do more to help equality between the sexes.

So now i make her lift the toilet seat back up after she's had a p*ss

 

Watching Gordon Ramsey Behind Bars - he wants the prisoners to show they have the ability to give something back to society.

My TV and Playstation would be a nice f****** start.

 

Be very careful with chocolate:

Learn the secret about this stuff









THIS ISTHERESULT...



It makesyourhead smaller!

 

Three Little Boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them.
They decided it was because they had not been Baptized and didn't go to Sunday school.
So they went to the nearest church,but only the janitor was there.
One little boy said,"we need to be Baptized because no one will come out and play with us,will you Baptize us?",
"Sure" said the janitor.
He took them into the bathroom and dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl,one at a time,then he said "you are now Baptized" .
When they got outside one of them asked,"what Religion do you think we are"?.
The oldest one said,"were not KATHLICK, because they pour the water on you".
"Were not BABTIS, because they dunk all of you in the water".
"Were not METHDISS,because they just sprinkle water on you".

The littlest one said,"didn't you smell that water"?.
They all joined in asking,"YEAH ! what do you think that means"?.
The littlest one said,"I think it means we're Pisskopailians"!.:WINK1:.

 

A Woman went to the doctors office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors.
About after four minutes in the examination room,she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was,and she told him her story.
After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was writing on his clip board.

"WHAT The Hell Is The Matter With You?"
the older doctor demanded,
"Mrs Terry is 71 years old,has four grown up children and seven grandchildren",
"and you told her she was Pregnant?".

The Younger Doctor continued writing, and without looking up said,











"Does She Still Have The Hiccups"??.:WINK1:.

 

Last year while on holiday, I got through 2 Geoffrey Archer novels, this year I must take some toilet paper.

 

Husband says to wife," My Olympic Condoms Have Arrived,I Think I'll Wear Gold Tonight".
"Wife Says"Why Not Wear Silver And Come Second For A Change?".

 

Seen on the back of a Septic Lorry.
This truck is full of Political Promises.
_______________________________________________________________________
Four Rules For Men To Follow To A Happy Life.

(1)It's important to have a woman who helps at home,who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
(2)It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
(3)It's important to have a woman you can trust,and who doesn't lie to you.
(4)It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
(5)It's very very important that these four women do not know each other..

 

My mate worked for the highways agency for 20 odd years until they sacked him for theft today, I didn't believe it at first, but when I arrived all the signs were there.

 

How do you get a fat girl into bed? Piece of cake.

 

Sodom And Gomorrah.:WINK1:.

In The Bible, 'The Cities Of The Plains',which included Sodom and Gomorrah,were destroyed because of their wickedness.
Now we know what the Sodomites got up to,but what about the Gomorrahns?.
Is There Such a thing as Gomorrahry ?.
If so does anyone know if it makes your eyes water ?.

 

two gold fish in a tank, one turns to the other and says "well do you! know how to drive this thing or not?"

two snowmen in a field one turns to the other and says "can you smell carrots?"