A joke or two.

Discussion in 'The Muppet Show' started by kindredspirit, Oct 26, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
Page 19 of 77
  1. music

    music Memories Are Made Of This.

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2009
    Messages:
    3,415
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    A Little Bit Of This And A Little Bit Of That.
    Location:
    Scotland
    Ratings:
    +2,786
    One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday.
    He pulls over to a toy shop and asks the sales person,"How much for one of those Barbie's in the window ?".
    The Sales person answers,"Which one do you mean sir?".
    "We Have"
    Work out Barbie For £20
    Shopping Barbie For £20
    Beach Barbie For £20
    Disco Barbie For £20
    Ballerina Barbie For £20
    Skater Barbie For £20
    And Divorced Barbie For £325".

    The Amazed Father asks " Why is the Divorced Barbie £325 and the others only £20"?
    The Annoyed Sales person rolls her eyes,Sighs, and answers.

    "Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with---------

    Kens Car
    Kens House
    Kens Boat
    Kens Furniture
    Kens Computer
    And One Of Kens Friends,





    "And A Key Chain Made With Kens Balls".:).
     
    • Like Like x 2
      music, Sep 18, 2012
      #271 Quote in Conversation
    • Phil A

      Phil A Guest

      Ratings:
      +0
      Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar.

      The Barman says "Why the long face?"
       
      • Like Like x 3
        Phil A, Sep 18, 2012
        #272 Quote in Conversation
      • shiney

        shiney President, Grumpy Old Men's Club Staff Member

        Joined:
        Jul 3, 2006
        Messages:
        63,559
        Gender:
        Male
        Occupation:
        Retired - Last Century!!!
        Location:
        Herts/Essex border. Zone 8b
        Ratings:
        +123,964
        Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning.

        The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

        The 87-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

        So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help. He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"

        She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

        He said, "I want five loaves."

        She said, "My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard."

        He replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about this moo poo but me."
         
        • Like Like x 3
          shiney, Sep 20, 2012
          #273 Quote in Conversation
        • music

          music Memories Are Made Of This.

          Joined:
          Jun 14, 2009
          Messages:
          3,415
          Gender:
          Male
          Occupation:
          A Little Bit Of This And A Little Bit Of That.
          Location:
          Scotland
          Ratings:
          +2,786
          A Little old man shuffled into an ice cream parlour, pulled himself slowly,Painfully,up onto a stool.
          After Catching His Breath, He Ordered A Banana Split.
          The Waitress Asked Kindly "Crushed Nuts"?.

          "No He Replied "Arthritis".;).
           
          • Like Like x 2
            music, Sep 20, 2012
            #274 Quote in Conversation
          • music

            music Memories Are Made Of This.

            Joined:
            Jun 14, 2009
            Messages:
            3,415
            Gender:
            Male
            Occupation:
            A Little Bit Of This And A Little Bit Of That.
            Location:
            Scotland
            Ratings:
            +2,786
            A man goes to a shrink and says,"Doctor,my wife is unfaithful to me ".
            "Every evening she goes to Larry's Bar and picks up men, in fact,she sleeps with anybody who asks her !." I'm going crazy,what do you think i should do ?".

            "Relax," says the doctor",take a deep breath and calm down,".

            "Now tell me, Exactly, Where Is Larry's Bar????.
             
            music, Sep 20, 2012
            #275 Quote in Conversation
          • music

            music Memories Are Made Of This.

            Joined:
            Jun 14, 2009
            Messages:
            3,415
            Gender:
            Male
            Occupation:
            A Little Bit Of This And A Little Bit Of That.
            Location:
            Scotland
            Ratings:
            +2,786
            Smith climbs to the top of Mt Sinai to get close enough to speak to God.
            Looking Up he asks The Lord,
            "God what does a million years mean to you?".
            The Lord replies,"A Minute".
            Smith Asks, "And what does a Million Pounds Mean To You"?.
            The Lord Replies, "A Penny".
            Smith Asks, "Can I Have A Penny?"
            The Lord Replies, "In A Minute" !!!.:).
             
            music, Sep 20, 2012
            #276 Quote in Conversation
          • music

            music Memories Are Made Of This.

            Joined:
            Jun 14, 2009
            Messages:
            3,415
            Gender:
            Male
            Occupation:
            A Little Bit Of This And A Little Bit Of That.
            Location:
            Scotland
            Ratings:
            +2,786
            An Englishman ,An Irishman, A Scotsman And A Welshman, Are introducing their sons.
            The Englishman says," This is my son George,he was born on St Georges Day.
            The Scot says,"This is my son Andrew,He was born on St Andrews Day.
            The Welshman continues" This Is My Son David, He was born on St David's Day.
            The Irishman Says "And This Is My Lad,---------- PANCAKE . :sofa:.
             
            music, Sep 20, 2012
            #277 Quote in Conversation
          • Evil Len

            Evil Len Nag a ram

            Joined:
            Aug 18, 2011
            Messages:
            382
            Gender:
            Male
            Location:
            Stoke Golding
            Ratings:
            +199
            Someone keeps sneaking onto my allotment at night and pouring soil everywhere.

            The plot thickens.
             
            • Like Like x 1
              Evil Len, Sep 21, 2012
              #278 Quote in Conversation
            • miraflores

              miraflores Total Gardener

              Joined:
              Apr 16, 2006
              Messages:
              5,484
              Location:
              mean daily minimum temperatures -1 -2
              Ratings:
              +2,389
              do you mean moles/rabbit that sort of thing?
               
              miraflores, Sep 21, 2012
              #279 Quote in Conversation
            • music

              music Memories Are Made Of This.

              Joined:
              Jun 14, 2009
              Messages:
              3,415
              Gender:
              Male
              Occupation:
              A Little Bit Of This And A Little Bit Of That.
              Location:
              Scotland
              Ratings:
              +2,786
              (A Letter From Ann Summers Ltd.).:).

              Thank You For Your Order.
              You Asked For The Large Red Vibrator Pictured In Our Wall Display.

              Please Re-Select, As This Is A Fire Extinguisher. ;).
               
              music, Sep 21, 2012
              #280 Quote in Conversation
            • music

              music Memories Are Made Of This.

              Joined:
              Jun 14, 2009
              Messages:
              3,415
              Gender:
              Male
              Occupation:
              A Little Bit Of This And A Little Bit Of That.
              Location:
              Scotland
              Ratings:
              +2,786
              My Wife Was Screaming At Me," Leave, Get Out Of This House !".

              As I Was Walking Out The Door She Shouted,

              "I Hope You Die A Slow And Painful Death !!".

              So I Turned Around And Replied,

              "So Now You Want Me To Stay" ????.;).
               
              • Like Like x 3
                music, Sep 21, 2012
                #281 Quote in Conversation
              • Phil A

                Phil A Guest

                Ratings:
                +0
                Sniggering uncontrolably:snork::snork::snork::dbgrtmb:
                 
                Phil A, Sep 21, 2012
                #282 Quote in Conversation
              • music

                music Memories Are Made Of This.

                Joined:
                Jun 14, 2009
                Messages:
                3,415
                Gender:
                Male
                Occupation:
                A Little Bit Of This And A Little Bit Of That.
                Location:
                Scotland
                Ratings:
                +2,786
                Superman Was patrolling the skies above New York.
                He Sees Wonder Woman sun bathing naked on top of a sky scraper.
                He Thought that if he travelled at the speed of light,
                He could give her one, and be away before she knew what had happened !.

                So in he flew, did the dirty deed,and flew off again.
                Wonder Woman Said,"What The Hell Was That ?"
                "No Idea", said the Invisible Man, "But My Butt Hurts" !!.;).
                 
                music, Sep 22, 2012
                #283 Quote in Conversation
              • Phil A

                Phil A Guest

                Ratings:
                +0
                Ahh, we've reached the 1970's then:snork:
                 
                Phil A, Sep 22, 2012
                #284 Quote in Conversation
              • shiney

                shiney President, Grumpy Old Men's Club Staff Member

                Joined:
                Jul 3, 2006
                Messages:
                63,559
                Gender:
                Male
                Occupation:
                Retired - Last Century!!!
                Location:
                Herts/Essex border. Zone 8b
                Ratings:
                +123,964
                That obviously hit the spot, Zigs :snork:
                 
                • Like Like x 1
                  shiney, Sep 23, 2012
                  #285 Quote in Conversation
                Page 19 of 77
                Loading...
                Similar Threads - joke
                1. wiseowl

                  A Joke Or Two 2023/24

                  wiseowl, Jan 1, 2023, in forum: The Muppet Show
                  Replies:
                  2,546
                  Views:
                  136,488
                  Ergates
                  Nov 14, 2024 at 5:38 PM
                2. shiney

                  A joke or two.... 2022

                  shiney, Jan 1, 2022, in forum: The Muppet Show
                  Replies:
                  385
                  Views:
                  32,055
                  Victoria
                  Dec 31, 2022
                3. Fat Controller

                  A joke or two.... 2021

                  Fat Controller, Jan 7, 2021, in forum: The Muppet Show
                  Replies:
                  179
                  Views:
                  29,102
                  Logan
                  Jan 1, 2022
                4. JWK

                  Naughty Christmas Joke

                  JWK, Dec 8, 2020, in forum: The Muppet Show
                  Replies:
                  1
                  Views:
                  2,289
                  JWK
                  Dec 13, 2020
                5. JWK

                  Covid-19 Jokes Videos

                  JWK, May 12, 2020, in forum: The Muppet Show
                  Replies:
                  63
                  Views:
                  13,934
                  Janet mahay
                  Dec 26, 2020
                Thread Status:
                Not open for further replies.

                Share This Page

                1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
                  By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
                  Accept Learn More...
                  Dismiss Notice