A joke or two.

Kindred ,Your Working Girls Ain't Working .

 

It works when I click on it.

 

Real groaners. You have been warned.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

Broken pencils are pointless.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I'll stop now.

 

Just as well. !!

 

Got It Kindred . It Stinks.

 

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish Countryside with only his pet dog for company.
One day the dog died and Muldoon went to the Parish Priest and asked,
"Father my dog is dead,could you say a Mass for the poor creature?".

Father Patrick replied,"I'm afraid not,we cannot have services for an animal in the Church ,but there is a Baptist Church down the road maybe they will do something for the creature".

Muldoon said," I'll go right away Father,do you think £5000 is enough to donate to them for the service"?.
Father Patrick Exclaimed------------------"Sweet Mary Mother Of Jesus "











"Why didn't you tell me the Dog Was Catholic"?.

 

After a visit to a house of ill repute a man notices green lumps on his Charlie.

The man visits the doctors Surgery.
"That's Very Serious", says the Doctor,

"You know how wrestlers get Cauliflower Ears?"
"Yes" says the man seriously,

"Well" says the Doctor,You've got Brothel Sprouts"..

 

Just Heard on the news,the Coastguard have recovered Captain Smith's body after 100 years on the wreck of the Titanic.

He was found with a piece of Lettuce stuck in his Ar**,

The Doctor identified it as the tip of the iceberg.

 

(Q) What did Dracula get when he came to Glasgow ,
(A) A Bat in the mouth.
(Q) Did you hear about the London criminal who fell foul of the Glasgow Mafia.
(A) They made him an offer he couldn't understand.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A wee woman from Glasgow's West End was staying in a hotel in Edinburgh.

She phoned room service for some pepper.
"Black Pepper Or White Pepper"?asks the Concierge."


"Toilet Pepper" !!! Yelled The Wee Woman.

 

2 Belfast ducks flying over the Lagan.
The one behind asks the one in front to move a bit faster.
"I'm going as quack as I can" was the reply.

 

Paddy & Mick:

Paddy and Mick get a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.

They bag six.

As Paddy and Mick start loading the plane for the return trip,
the pilot says, "The plane can only take four of those."

The two lads object strongly. "Last year we shot six, and the
pilot let us put them all on board; he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gives in and all six are loaded.

However, even with full power, the little plane can't handle the
load and down it goes and crashes in the middle of nowhere.

A few moments later, climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asks
Mick,

"Any idea where we are?"

"I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year," says
Mick.

 

Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on a Friday this year."

Mick says "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

 

The BBC have announced that Bob The Builder has been sacked.

They can no longer trust any children's TV star who claims to be able to fix it.

 

Police have tasered a man for bringing a lion into the Houses of Parliament.

The suspect, a Mr. David Blunkett, is recovering in hospital.

 

Golden Syrup....... Brilliant !!!! A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a
Xmas fancy dress party.
He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden
leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his
problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a
note:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted
handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden
leg you will be just right as a Pirate. The man is
offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he
writes a letter of complaint.. A week passes and he
receives another parcel and note

Dear Sir,
Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a
monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and
with your bald head you will really look the part. The man
is really incandescent with rage now, because the company
has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing
attention to his bald head. So he writes a really strong
letter of complaint.. A few days later he gets a very small
parcel from the company with the accompanying letter:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup.
We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald
head, let it harden, then stick your wooden leg up your arse
and go as a toffee apple.