A joke or two.

XMAS DRINKING WARNING JUST RELEASED: Vodka and ice will ruin your kidneys. Rum and ice will ruin your liver. Whiskey and ice will ruin your heart. Gin and ice will ruin your brain. Pepsi and ice will ruin your teeth... There u have it! ICE is lethal. Warn all your friends: Lay off the ice, just drink it straight!! Forward this immediately. You could save a life!!! And don't forget wot it did to the Titanic!!!

Rusty

 

Reading through todays census results I noticed that there has been a sharp decline in the number of people claiming to be Jedi.

Which could explain the large increase in the number of people in the country who now appear to be on the dark side.

 

--------------Things You Can Only Say At Xmas.--------------------------------------------.

(1) I Prefer Breasts To Legs.

(2) Smother the Butter All over the Breasts.

(3) If I don't undo my Trousers,I'll Burst.

(4) I've Never seen a better spread.

(5) I Fancy a little Dark Meat for a Change.

(6) Are you ready for seconds Yet?

(7) Don't Play with your Meat.

(8) How long will it take after you put it in ?.

(9) I Didn't expect everyone to come at the same time.

(10) Wow, I didn't think i could handle all that and still want more.

(11) You'll Know it's Ready When It Pops Up.

 

---------------------------SOMETIMES-------------------------------------------------------------
Sometimes--,
When You Cry,
No One Sees Your Tears.

Sometimes--,
When You Are In Pain,
No One Sees Your Hurt.

Sometimes--,
When You Are Worried,
No One Sees Your Stress.

Sometimes--,
When You Are Happy,
No One Sees Your Smile








But Break Wind !!!!!
Just One Time----,
And Everybody Knows!!!!..

 

After proposing to his girlfriend at the weekend, Paddy drove to Brighton for a night of passion. As he pulled up at a red light, he slid his hand under her skirt above her stockings. She whispered in his ear, "Now we are engaged, you can go further." So Paddy drove on to Bournemouth.

Rusty

 

A Woman goes to the doctors and says, "I'm getting too much discharge".
The Doctor says "Pop your knickers off and slip onto the bed".

He Puts on his Latex Gloves, and applies 3 fingers into her Mersey Tunnel.
"How Does That Feel"?, He asks .

"Fookin Lovely" She replies,"

"But The Discharge Is In My Ear".

 

See if you can move your mouse over this guy's hair.

I couldn't do it. :(

http://www.selfcontrolfreak.com/slaan.html

 

Me neither.....

 

Nor me Loli

 

My blackberry's not working,

http://biertijd.com/mediaplayer/?itemid=24882

 

WARNING ​

Adults only​

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NUDE SANTA -----​

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Scroll down to see the nude Santa











For crying out loud.

Act your age.


There is no Santa !
Sometimes I just can't believe you ! ! !

​

​

 

Jennnnnny you spoil sport

 

A couple in their seventies are both having problems remembering things.
During a check up,the doctor tells them that they are physically ok, but might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night,while watching TV,the old man gets up from his chair,"Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?",he asks.

"Will you get me a bowl of ice-cream ?".
"Sure",----the old man says.
"Don't you think you should write it down,so you can remember it?" she asks.

"NO I CAN REMEMBER IT"----.
"Well I'd like some strawberries on top too,maybe you should write it down so as not to forget?".

He says, "I can remember that,you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries".

"I'd also like whipped cream, I'm certain you will forget that,write it down",she says.

Irritated,he says"I don't need to write it down,I can remember it"!.
"Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream-- I got it,for goodness sake"!!!.
He then toddles into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of Bacon and eggs-------she stares at the plate for a minute,
"Where's My Toast"?..

 

that sound like me and terry pmsl

 

A cow, an ant and an old fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.


The cow said, "I give 20 quarts of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!"

·


The ant said, "I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!"



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