A joke or two.

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes :
Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker ....

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting ....

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God!'

'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.

My grandson burst out laughing.

Why even he was enjoying this religious experience !!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

Love,
Grandma

 

For those of you wondering what it's like to be married...

I just found out this morning I'm on day 3 of an argument I didn't know I was having.

 

After I got mugged in Bradford the police officer asked if I could give a description of the assailant.

"I can give a very accurate description," I replied, as he opened his notebook. "He was a white youth aged between...."

"That's OK sir," he said, closing his book. "We're well acquainted with the lad in question."

 

"Father Michael!" I shouted to the elderly priest, "Father Michael! It's good to see you again."
"Hello Brian," he responded by taking my outstretched hand. "It's been a long time. I'm surprised you seem so pleased to see me.....after.....well, you know what happened the last time we were together."
I sensed his apprehension. "It's ok Father.. I don't blame you... It was my fault."
"I wish I could feel the same," he said quietly. "But I should have known better."
He turned his head away from me slightly and said quietly, "I'm really sorry. If it's any consolation, I ask God for forgiveness every single night."
"Seriously Father.. It wasn't your fault."
"It's nice of you to say so Brian, but I still feel terribly guilty."
"Don't," I replied, "I was the silly t**t who asked her to marry me."

 

Mary looks out her kitchen window and sees that a mole has practically destroyed the back lawn, so she tells her husband, Paddy, to go out and kill it and to show no mercy. After ten minutes, Paddy comes back into the house with an evil grin on his face.

"So," says Mary, "did you drown the feckin' mole then?"

"Nah," says Paddy, "much more cruel than that. I buried the little fecker alive."

 

Yep, managed it

 

Idid it that time

 

The Old Professor hadn't been to a class reunion in decades.
When he walked into this latest one, he thought he recognized a woman over
in the corner, so he approached her and extended his hand in greeting,
saying, "You look like Helen Brown."
"Well, you don't look so great in blue!" the woman snapped back.

 

http://elrellano.com/videos_online/4624/circo-roncalli.html

 

Hilarious.

http://www.dump.com/gameyear/

 

A man standing at a bus stop was eating a hamburger. Next to him stood a
lady with her little dog, which became very excited at the smell of the
man's supper and began whining and jumping up at him.

"Do you mind if I throw him a bit?" said the man to the lady.

"Not at all," she replied, whereupon the man picked the dog up and threw it
over a wall.

 

Rover

A guy walks into a pub with his dog and says, "I'll have a Scotch and water
and my dog would like a whiskey sour."
The barman says, "Sorry, we don't allow animals in here." The dog
replies, "Hoy, I'm tired of being discriminated against. Just give me a
drink."

The barman says, "Oh, no, not another ventriloquist with the old talking
dog trick. Both of you, get out of here!"

"No, no, no, this isn't a trick, I promise you," says the man, "I tell you
what, I'll go for a walk around the block and you talk to Rover here."

The man leaves and the barman sees him turn the corner. "Now, can I have
my drink." says the dog.

The barman is amazed. "Sure you can and it's on the house! Listen, can
you do me a favour? My wife works next door at the cafe. It'll make her day
if you go in and order a cup of coffee. Here's ten euros and you can keep
the change afterwards."

"Okay." says the dog and he takes the ten euros and leaves.

Ten minutes go by and the dog doesn't come back. The owner returns and asks
where is the dog. So both of them go off to see what happened to the dog.
As they approach the cafe, they see Rover going at it hot and heavy with a
French poodle in the alley between the bar and cafe. The owner shouts,
"Rover! What are you doing! You've never done this before!"

The dog shrugged. "Hell, I've never had any money before."

 

What do you call an argument between an Argentinian and an Indian?

A bit of Argy Bhaji.

Rusty