A joke or two.

Discussion in 'The Muppet Show' started by kindredspirit, Oct 26, 2011.

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  1. watergarden

    watergarden have left the forum because...i'm a sad case

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    you can not be serious.
     
  2. music

    music Memories Are Made Of This.

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    In A Convent in Ireland,the 98 year old Mother Superior Lay Dying.

    The Nuns gathered around her bed,
    Trying To Make her last journey comfortable .
    They tried giving her warm milk to drink,
    But She refused it.

    One of the Nuns took the glass back to the kitchen,
    Then remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey,
    That had been received as a gift,
    The previous Christmas, She opened it and poured a Generous amount,
    Into the warm Milk.

    Back at Mother Superiors Bed,
    They held the glass to her lips,
    The Frail Nun drank a little,
    Then a little more, and before they knew it,she had finished the whole glass,
    Down to the last Drop.

    As Her Eyes Brightened,
    The Nuns thought it would be a good opportunity,
    To have one last talk with their Spiritual Leader.

    "Mother," The Nuns asked earnestly,
    "Please Give Us Some Of Your Wisdom",
    "Before You Leave Us".

    She Raised Herself Up In Bed On One Elbow,
    Looked At Them And Said,











    " Don't Sell That Cow " !!!!!!!!.
     
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    • Phil A

      Phil A Guest

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    • HarryS

      HarryS Eternally Optimistic Gardener

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      USS Navy

      Video of one of my favourite jokes , still makes me laugh :D

       
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      • music

        music Memories Are Made Of This.

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        A Cat Reportedly Saved Five Lives'
        It Jumped Onto The Owners Bed And Awoke Them,
        As The Fire Ripped Through The House.?

        But What Would Have Happened,
        If It Could Have Opened A Door Or Window By Itself???.

        Do You Think It Would Have Bothered With The Rest Of Them??.
        -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------.

        £25 To See The Dalai Lama,
        At One Of His Shows In Scotland :what:.
        No Wonder The Wee Man Is Always Smiling.:D.
        -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------.
        On Holiday Recently In Spain I Saw A Sign That Said,
        "English Speaking Doctor",
        I Thought,'' What A Good Idea,
        Why Don't We Have Them In Our Country !!!!!.
        -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------.
        I Woke Up Last Night To Find The Ghost Of,
        Gloria Gaynor Standing At The Foot Of My Bed,
        At First I Was Afraid------ Then I Was Petrified.
        -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------.
        The Grim Reaper Came For Me Last Night,
        And I Beat Him Off With A Vacuum Cleaner,
        ''Talk About Dyson With Death''.
        -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------.
         
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        • *dim*

          *dim* Head Gardener

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          Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua . As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman Said to her friend, "Let's go over to that bar for a drink."

          The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there.
          We've got dogs with us."


          The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do as I do."


          They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.

          The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
          The woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand.
          This is my seeing-eye dog."

          The bouncer said, "A Doberman?"
          The woman said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."
          The bouncer said, "OK, come on in."
          The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a Chihuahua was a seeing-eye dog may be a bit more difficult, but thought,"What the heck," so she put on her dark glasses and started to walk in.

          Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."

          The woman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog"

          The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?"

          The woman with the Chihuahua said,






          "A Chihuahua? They gave me a freaking Chihuahua ?!"
           
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          • *dim*

            *dim* Head Gardener

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          • Phil A

            Phil A Guest

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            Nope, don't get that one Dim.
             
          • *dim*

            *dim* Head Gardener

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            after all the doom and gloom during the week, .... sunday's service seems ok
             
          • Phil A

            Phil A Guest

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            I mean all i'm seeing is

            Is something not plugged in somewhere:what:
             
          • *dim*

            *dim* Head Gardener

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            not sure ... t'was there ... but comes from a forum that one needs to log into (not public) .... so maybe that's why it's not visible

            :heehee:
             
          • Phil A

            Phil A Guest

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            Thought it might have, i'm sure it was very good:dbgrtmb:
             
          • music

            music Memories Are Made Of This.

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            Three Men Die In A Car Crash.

            They End Up Knocking On The Pearly Gates, Saint Peter Arrives And Says ,

            "You Can Only Come In If You Produce Something That Reminds You Of Christmas".

            First Man Flicks His Lighter And Says," That Reminds Me Of A Christmas Candle".

            Second Man Rattles His Bunch Of Keys And Says,"That Reminds Me Of Jingle Bells".

            Third Man Produces A Pair Of Knickers From His Pocket, Saint Peter Says,
            "How Can A Pair Of Knickers Remind You Of Christmas" ?,

            The Man Replies, " Well They Were Carols"!!!.
             
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            • kindredspirit

              kindredspirit Gardening around a big Puddle. :)

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              That reminds me of another one.

              St Peter heard loud knocking at the Pearly Gates one day so he went out to investigate. He found 20 people from the Gorbals outside. St. Peter didn't know what to do. He'd never seen people from the Gorbals at Heaven's Gate before so he said "Wait a mo'. I'll just check with God."

              He went into God and explained that there were 20 people from the Gorbals outside the Pearly Gates. God pondered, rubbed his chin, then said "Go out to them and just let 10 in, the other 10 can go down below."

              St. Peter went out to the Pearly Gates but a moment later he came running into God crying "They're gone! They're gone!"

              "What?" says God "The people from the Gorbals are gone?" "No, No," says St. Peter "The Pearly Gates, the Pearly Gates, they're gone!"
               
            • music

              music Memories Are Made Of This.

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              "Bless Me Father For I Have Sinned,I Have Been With A Loose Girl".

              The Priest Asks " Is That You Joey Pagano ?",

              "Yes Father, It Is",

              "And Who Was The Girl You Were With?",

              " I Cant Tell You Father, I Don't Want To Ruin Her Reputation",

              "Well Joey, I'm Sure To Find Out Her Name Sooner Or Later, So You May As Well Tell Me Now. Was It Tina Minetti ?",

              "I Cannot Say",

              "Was It Teresa Mazzarelli ?",

              "I'll Never Tell You !",

              "Was It Nina Capelli ?",

              "I'm Sorry But I Cannot Name Her",

              "Was It Cathy Piriano ?",

              "My Lips Are Sealed",

              "Was It Rosa Di Angelo, Then ?",

              "Please Father, I Cannot Tell You".

              The Priest Sigh's In Frustration.

              "You,re Very Tight Lipped And I Admire That,But You Have Sinned And Have To Atone",

              "You Cannot Be An Alter Boy now For 4 Months ,Now Go And Behave Yourself".



              Joey Walks Back To His Pew,
              And His Friend Franco Slides Over And Whispers, "What'd You Get ?",



              "Four Months Vacation And Five Good Leads".
               
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