A joke or two.

Why do elephants have big ears?

'Cos Noddy didn't pay the ransom.

 

Mowgley, You Missed the most Intellectual Benefit Scotland will still get ,as stated by the First Minister::::::::: DR WHOOOOOOOOOO...

 

.(FOREPLAY).

French Foreplay: Dinner, Wine, Sex !.

Italian Foreplay: Dinner, Wine, Caressing, Sex !.

Latino Foreplay: Dinner, Wine, Dancing, Caressing, Sex !.

Scottish Foreplay: " Haw, Ur Ye Awake ??"..

 

A Chinese Family of Five,
Bu, Chu , Fu, Hu, Su, where considering emigration to the U.S.A..

Their applications were accepted ,but staff at the US Embassy in Beijing suggested that they should adopt American sounding names to help with their Integration,So,

BU, became Buck.

CHU,became Chuck.

HU, became Huck.



And FU and SU decided to stay in China..

 

An Old Lady was standing at the railings of a Cruise Ship ,holding her Hat on tightly ,so that it would not Blow off in the wind.
A Gentleman approached her and said:" Pardon me Madam,I do not intend to be forward,but did you know Your dress is blowing up in these high winds?".

"Yes I Know,"said the Lady," I need Both hands to hold onto this Hat".

"But Madam, you must know that your Private Parts are Exposed!", said the Gentleman in Earnest.

The Woman looked down,then back up at the man and replied:

"Sir Anything You See Down There Is 86 Years Old,"





"I Just Bought This Hat Yesterday" .

 

Did you put that up for Saint Andrew's Day?

 

Three Old Ladies were sitting side by side in their Retirement Home ,Reminiscing.

The first Lady recalled shopping at the Green Grocers and demonstrated with her hands,the length and thickness of a Cucumber, she could buy for a Penny.

The Second Old Lady nodded, adding that Onions used to be Much Bigger and Cheaper and Demonstrated the size of two Big Onions she could buy for a Penny each.

The Third Old Lady Remarked:

"I Can't hear a word you're saying",


"But I Remember The Guy You're Talking About".

 

Well Zigs, I Am A Trier,You Never know your Luck. Question? Did she drink that last double or not?. If she has "Rock On Robbie".

 

Oh yes

 

. . (A CHRISTMAS STORY)..

..(THE ONIONS AND THE CHRISTMAS TREES)..

A Family is at the Dinner Table, the Son asks his Father,
"Dad, how many kinds of Boobs are there?"
The Father,surprised,answers.
"Well Son there are three kinds of Boobs".

"In her 20s, a woman's are like Melons,round and firm".
"In her 30s,40s, and 50s they are like Pears, still nice but hanging a bit".

"After 60, They Are Like Onions".

"ONIONS?",says the Son.

"Yes you see them and they make you cry", says the Father.

This infuriated his Wife and Daughter, so his Daughter said:

"Mum, How many kinds of 'Willies' are out there?.

The Mother ,surprised,smiles and answers.

"Well Dear, A Man Goes Through Three Phases".
"In his 20s his willy is like an Oak Tree , Mighty And Hard".

"In His 30s, 40s , and 50s It is like a Birch tree, Flexible but Reliable".

"After His 60s , It's like a Christmas Tree,".

"A Christmas Tree"?, Asks the Daughter,

"Yes The Tree Is Dead ,and the Balls are just for Decoration". (says the mum). .

 

Alcohol Does NOT Make You FAT!.


It Makes You LEAN!,



Against Tables, Chairs, Floors, Walls, And Ugly People . .

 

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite!

 

Wooo! Wooooo! Woooooo!


Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods.

All of a sudden one of the Red Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.

'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering,

'Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo!

He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about,..

'Was the other Indian crazy or what?'

The Indian replied 'No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler

'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful squaw in there waiting for us.

Just then they came upon another cave.

The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered,

'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!'

Immediately, there was the answer..

'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' from deep inside.

He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.

The Irishman wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave.

As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking,

'Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found.

There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!'

He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might

'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' Like the others, he then heard an answering call, 'WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!'

With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave,tearing off his clothes as he ran.

The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read.................

You'll like this











NAKED IRISHMAN RUN OVER BY TRAIN!!!

 

a little Christmas joke
What the difference between a snowman & snowwoman

Scroll down



















Snowballs