A joke or two.

Kim Jong-Un isn't daft.

I bet members of his immediate family are going to be getting him some fantastic Christmas presents this year.

 

It was Christmas Eve. A couple doing last minute shopping when the husband disappears. She calls him on his mobile, "Where are you?" He replies, "darling, remember the jewellery shop we went in 5 years ago and you fell in love with that diamond necklace, that we could not afford. I said one day I would get it for you?" Her eyes are filling with tears. "Yes I remember." she says. "Well I'm in the pub next door to that."

 

Serious drink drive warning - timely pre Christmas! I would like to share an experience with you all, about drinking and driving.

As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends in town and had a few too many beers and some rather nice wine.


Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before .... I took a bus home. Sure enough I passed a police roadblock but as it was a bus they waved it past.

I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it from!

 

A man went to a butcher's and saw that the turkeys were 90p a pound. He said to the butcher, 'Do you raise them yourself?'

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'Of course I do,' the butcher replied. 'They were only 50p a pound this morning!'

 

Last year's Christmas pudding was so awful I threw it in the ocean.















That's probably why the ocean's full of currants!

 

last one I promise "snowman"
How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?













Deep pan, crisp and even!

 

I lied !!! "reinder"


Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas ?













No you can have turkey like everyone else !

 

Bad bad boy Spruce..

 

(AIN'T CHILDREN JUST CUTE?)."xmas grin"

A Sister and Brother are talking to each other when the little Boy gets up and walks over to his Grandpa and says: "Grandpa, please make a Frog noise".

Grandpa says" NO"
The little boy goes on and on,"Please Grandpa, please make a Frog Noise".
The Grandpa says,"NO, NOW GO AND PLAY"..

The little boy then says to his sister,"Go tell Grandpa to make a Frog Noise".

So the Little Girl goes to her Grandpa and says, "Please , Please Grandpa Make A Frog Noise".

The Grandpa Says," I just told your Brother NO, and I'm telling you ,NO".

The Grandpa says, " Why Do You Want Me To Make A Frog Noise ?"





The Little Girl Replied"










"Because Mummy Said When You CROAK, We can All go to Lapland to see SANTA""huggy santa""present""reinder":bells::ereinderr:

 

David Cameron has said the UK's mission in Afghanistan is 'accomplished'.

We're leaving that country in a state of poverty and despair, where half the population can't read and daily life is blighted by the ever-present threat of needless violence.

Yes, we've brought the British way of life to them all right.

 

• What is webmaster's favourite hymn?

Oh, dot com all ye faithful!

 

What do you get if you deep fry Father Christmas?











Crisp Cringle.

 

What is a hairdressers favourite Christmas carol?












"Oh comb all ye faithful".

 

Courtesy of David Beckham.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?












How the hell do you eat with that..........................................."xmasdance"

 

Rowan Atkinson's next film role is to play a comical character who is unable to satisfy his wife.

Missed her bean.