A joke or two.

The Wyoming Department Of Employment Division Of Labour Standards,
Claimed A Small Rancher Was Not Paying Proper Wages To His Help,And Sent An Agent Out To Investigate Him.

GOV'T AGENT, " I need a list of your employee's and how much you pay them".

RANCHER , "Well there Is my hired hand,Who's been with me for 3 years".
"I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board".

"Then there is the Mentally Challenged Guy,he works about 18 hours a day and does about 90% of all the work around here, he makes $10 per week,pays his own room and board, I buy him a bottle of Bourbon every Saturday night, so he can cope with life.".
"He also sleeps with my wife Occasionally".

GOV'T AGENT, " That's the guy I want to talk to-- The Mentally Challenged One".

RANCHER ," That Would Be Me" .

 

wailing wall in Jerusalem:











wailing wall in Athens:

 

----------------------------------- It Takes The Biscuit ----------------------------------------------.

Some Nutter Called Rocky, Just Hit A Penguin With A Club,

Tied Him To A Wagon Wheel With A Blue Ribbon,

The Police Say Rocky Was Last Seen Catching A Taxi To A Club Were He Had A Bourbon,

He Then Had It Off With A Ginger Nut,

Not A Crumb Of Evidence Has Been Found,

The Jammy Dodger Got Away.

 

Oh for Peek Freans sake:DOH::DOH::DOH:

 

While A Woman Is Keeping Vigil,

Beside Her Husbands Death Bed,

He Says To Her,"Before I Die,I Have Something To Confess To You",

"SHH, Not Now," She Replies.

"But I Need To Tell You, I Cheated On You," He Admits.

"Yes I Know", She Replies.

" I Need To Clear My Conscience Before I Die ", He Said,

"SHH" , She Counters .

"Just Lay Back And Let The Poison Work".

 

Music, I presume that info came from when you were hob - nob(ing) with Gary Baldy (Garibaldi)

 

You're crackers!

 

-----------------------------The Thoughtful Scotsman.------------------------------------------------

Did You Hear About The Thoughtful Scotsman,Who Was Going To The Pub .

He turned to his wee wife before leaving and said,

"Maggie, put your hat and coat on Lassie"

She replied, "Awe Jock, That's nice,are ye takin me tae the pub wi ye?".

"Naw" he replied, " am switching the heat aff while am oot".

 

This gorgeous blonde was at the Highland Games and she became curious about whether Scotsmen wore anything under their kilts, so she approached Big Rory McTavish who was tossing the caber around like a matchstick and asked him,

"Do you wear anything under your kilt?"

"Have a peek, if you want to know" said Big Rory.

She did and then recoiled backwards saying "Oooh! It's gruesome!"

"Have another wee look, lassie" said McTavish "and yee'll find it's grew some more!"

 

-------------------------------Some Paraprosdokians.-------------------------------------------------

She looks as though she's been poured into her clothes,
and forgot to say ,When.

I sleep eight hours a day,
and at least ten at night.

Do not argue with an idiot,
He will drag you down to his level,
and beat you with experience.

Light Travels faster than sound,
this is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

A bus station is where a bus stops,
A train station is where a train stops,
On my desk,I have a work station. :WINK1:.

 

-------------------------------FAIRY TALE FOR A WOMAN---------------------------------------------

Once Upon A Time, A Girl Asked A Man "Will You Marry Me?".

The Man Said," NO", And The Girl Lived Happily Ever After.

She Went Shopping ,Dancing, Drank Martinis , Always Had A Clean House,

She Never Had To Cook, She Stayed Slim,

And She Broke Wind Whenever She Wanted.:WINK1:.


--------------------------------FAIRY TALE FOR A MAN------------------------------------------------

Once Upon A Time, A Prince Asked A Beautiful Princess "Will You Marry Me ?".

The Princess Said "NO ",

And The Prince Lived Happily Ever After.

He Rode Motorcycles, Went Fishing And Hunting,

He Played Golf And Dated Women Half His Age,

He Drank Beer And Scotch,And Had Tons Of Money In The Bank,

And He Left The Toilet Seat Up.:WINK1:.

 

Got myself a new book today.









It'll take me a bit of time to get through it, though.











Like to see what it is?












Thought so.

















:D :D :D :D :D I'm running already!

 

ah ah :D

 

The Husband and his wife were not on good terms,
In fact the wife was convinced that he was carrying on with the pretty housemaid,so she laid a trap.

One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend, and didn't inform the husband.

That night when they went to bed,the husband gave the old story,"Excuse me my dear-----
my stomach," and disappeared towards the bathroom.

The wife promptly dashed along the corridor,up the back stairs, into the maids bed.

She just had time to switch the lights off, when He crept in silently.

He wasted no time or words but quickly undressed and had his way with her.

When He was finished, and still panting, the wife said "You didn't expect to find me in this bed

Did You !!!!!" and switched on the light. " No Madam", said the Gardener.....