A serious question

If you took your step dad out once a week to the pub it would certainly be better than not going out at all. Although your step dad seemed not to understand the phone number which was written down for him, you don't know if he really cannot understand or if it is the drugs he is on!!! While he is taking so much medication it will be difficult to know exactly what his mind is capable of, it becomes a vicious circle, the doctors will want to keep him on the pills even though to some extent they could be making him worse because of the side effects.
I agree with you though that stuck in one room is enough to drive anyone insane I know it would me.
Do let us know what you decide to do, it would be really great if your step dad achieved more than what the docs. think him capable of.

Val

 

Thanks again all for your advice. It is very much appreciated. I'd guessed that at least some people here would have had some experience of similar situations, and those that have, you have my sympathy. Those that haven't, I sincerely hope you never do.

Unfortunately that's what the doctors are talking of doing (I assume section 21 is the Mental Health Act, enforced treatment order thingy). If they decide to take that route I'm going to fight them every step of the way. He has shown 'aggressive tendencies', which is why he's been classified as a danger to himself and others, but in fairness I'm pretty sure I'd show aggressive tendencies if I constantly had people ordering me not to try to move, or telling me I'm not going anywhere.

 

I am just a tad angry to hear this mate. A stroke is a physical ailment. It can have emotional effects on the patient. I have never heard of a stroke victim becoming violent. His aggression, IF that is what it is, is most likely to be screaming frustration that he is being couped up. I suggest you demand a second opinion and talk to SSAFA as a matter of urgency. SSAFA, the VA and The British Legion do not take kindly to ex soldiers being treated badly. There is also the Ombudsman and your MP. Keeping your dad sedated and shut in a room is simply easier for hospital staff to watch him. They may well have some tricky questions to answer. You could also demand to see the hospital administrators. Nobody should be treated like that, not just ex soldiers.

Let me know if you have trouble finding the right people to speak to, I have a few contacts that may be able to point you in the right direction. Best ofluck mate.

Regards

Chopper.

 

I don't know what the position in England is, but up here all care homes are subject to inspection by the Care Commission and reports arer made public. It's also open to members of the public to contact the Care Commission with any serious concerns about the standards of care provided.
The care of adults with incapacity is covered by the Adults with Incapacity Act (Scotland|) 2000. There's probably a similar piece of legislation in England and it would be worth consulting to back up your actions.

Two quotes from the act -
"Any action or decision taken must benefit the person....."
" (the care home or persons concerned) must take account of the views of others with an interest in the person's welfare..." My italics

 

That is horrid for a 63 year old man. For any brain trama it takes many months for the brain to heal.
And he is young. I would continue pushing for Rehab. The other thing make sure he does not have any urinary tract infection, that also causes confusion.
Its a tough spot for you to be in. Hugs.

 

Hi clueless1

heres my story....... I too had a stroke in 2008 followed by 2 TIA's in the same amount of weeks.I am 43 years old now. I was abled bodied, fit, and intelligent. I had my own business and was always 'on the go'
When the stroke happened i made a quick recovery like your step dad. it left me with problems of reading, making my self understood, ballence and dizziness. fibromyalgia and M.E. My short term memory was also shot. I was not going to let it beat me though! I spoke to my own doctor about how I could work at being better. He told me that I would never work again but he sent to see a psychologist. Although this was about my depression I talked about how I thought the mind was like a computer and i thought I could re-programme it. SHE AGREED.
1st, to help me with the ballence and muscle loss i bought WII fit. My ballence has improved, although I can not walk very far, about 30 meters, but that is down to pain and M.E more than the stroke. This worked faster and better than going for physio, in fact I stopped going because of the results. I told the docter and he agreed.
2nd, to help me with my mind I started reading....Alot. I also started doing word search and crosswords. And to help with filling up the time.. yep you guessed it I found a new love in gardening. MY short term memory is still shot but I have found a way of getting round this.
Result
Although I have good and bad days, my mind has got better. No where near what it used to be and it proberly won't but enough to be able to stay at home and TEACH yes teach my four year old boy reading and writting in conjunction with the school. I have also been elected parent governor. I walk short distances with cruches and go to the shops on my mobility scooter.
I do not know how bad your step dad is, but I would ask why he is not let out of his room.? I would have him home for a few weeks to see if this would help him, i think it would. I would ask on what grounds and tests they made there decision on? If he need help is there someone who could go in and help you or your mom and what other help there is out there. There is a lot. Apply for DLA and a mobility car so you can take him out. Get him reading and interested in...... well living again. He will get frustrated, angry upset and deppressed at times but this is good this means he is trying and wants to get back to normal. Get him out of there before he gives up. I nearly did and thanks to my family and friends pushing me i have improved and I am happy. If you want to talk PM me. Wishing you and your family especially your step-dad all the very best for the future.

Dean

 

Well done dobber on your amazing fight back to health!!!! This is the essence of it really the "wanting to get better" but if you are constantly surrounded by people telling you that you are not going to get any better it would be so very easy to just give up.

Val

 

Bloody well done Dobber. You crack on mate. I wish you the very best of luck getting better and better. I like and respect your attitude.

Chopper.

 

Are you sure about that minimum period of service for support from SSAFA?

My wife spent 13 years in a role that amongst many other things, involved helping ex-servicemen and is sure that unless the rules have changed in the last 9 years, there was/is no minimum period of service apart from one days paid work - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SSAFA_Forces_Help

She cannot speak too highly of SSAFA, and it's the only charity collector we do not walk past.

Fortunately, my sister lived in the next road to my mother and was able to assist her after her strokes, and we live even closer to my in-laws, who are going the same way.

 

Maybe I could have worded that a bit better. What I meant was that after 9 years service he sure is entitled to help as any serviceman, no matter how long he served.

I served 81/2 years, medical discharge with an exemplary record. I probably would not have got back on my feet without huge amounts of help and support from my old regiment, SSAFA, RBL and the Veterans Agency. Great people. I have a standing order for H4H, SSAFA and RBL. The help and support I had was worth more than anything I can donate.

Hope all comes good for you and your family Clueless.

Chopper.

 

Thanks again for all your words of advice and encouragement, I can't emphasise enough how blown away I am by all your wise words. When I started the thread I thought I might get one or two brief comments, but you've all been amazing.

The saga continues. My step dad has been told by the hospital that he will be going into a care home, BUT, it won't be forever. It is being considered the next stage in his rehab. I think that's excellent, and he agrees. He will have a bit more freedom in the home, while still having round the clock support. It will also make it easier for us to get him out and about a bit, just a bit at first, then gradually build him back up.

He is definitely on the mend. He fully understands now what's going on and what's happened, and has started phoning my mam again, which indicates he rediscovered how to use his phone. Sounds simple, but under the circumstances I think that's quite significant.

He has to get out of that hospital though. I hope it doesn't take long to find him a suitable half way house. My mam told me a story yesterday that I found disgraceful. When she arrived to visit, there was chaos on. Another stroke patient was attempting to escape. Apparently they'd effectively put the hospital into lock-down, and called the police. Eventually this poor chap was restrained, escorted under duress back to his cell, and sedated. To me that's not rehab, that's practically torture. I've decided to take it upon myself to get to the bottom of this. They can't treat people like that. Fair enough if they were all in there for murder or something, but these are ill people who've done nothing wrong and who've been dealt a band hand from fate. We spend a significant chunk of our lives paying for ourselves and our countrymen to be helped when things go bad, that's what our tax and NI is for. We don't pay for sick people to be treat like dangerous criminals.

So I might be in the papers at some point, I'm going to ask all sorts of awkward questions from all sorts of people, and when they go quiet on me, I'll get the papers or the medical ombudsman to continue asking awkward questions. My goal now isn't just to help my step dad, I hope to make life a little bit easier for all those other poor souls who are basically being destroyed by the very system that's supposed to help them.