Gardening Humour

:D

excellent Fran

 

Hi there sis - guess who's coming to dinner!!!

 

He tried it on the sofa
He tried it on the chair
He tried it on the hearthrug
But he couldn't do it there!
He tried it in the garden
And oh how she did laugh
When he tried again successfully
To take her photograph!

 

I know this one isn't gardening but I thought it good for a laugh anyway!

A photographer called Herman Ree who worked for Life magazine went missing in the Orient one time. It is reported that an enthusiastic young journalist decided to earn himself some brownie points with his boss and go looking for him.

He travelled and travelled for months, enquiring all over then finally came across the missing man somewhere deep in China and exclaimed "Ah, sweet Mr Ree of Life, at last I've found you!"

 

LOL - nice one

As a lot of this thread is not gardening humour, my contribution included, maybe twould be better called gardener's humour :D

 

Agreed! So how about this one!

A life-long city man, tired of the rat race, decided he was going to give up the city life, move to the country, and become a chicken farmer. He found a nice, used chicken farm, which he bought. Turns out that his next door neighbor was also a chicken farmer. The neighbor came for a visit one day and said, "Chicken farming isn't easy. Tell you what. To help you get started, I'll give you 100 chickens."

The new chicken farmer was thrilled. Two weeks later the new neighbor stopped by to see how things were going. The new farmer said, "Not too good. All 100 chickens died."

The neighbor said, "Oh, I can't believe that. I've never had any trouble with my chickens. I'll give you 100 more."

Another two weeks went by, and the neighbor stops in again. The new farmer says, "You're not going to believe this, but the second 100 chickens died too."

Astounded, the neighbor asked, "what went wrong? What did you do to them?"

Well, says the new farmer, "I'm not sure whether I'm planting them too deep or not far apart enough."

 

It is so embarrassing when you go to the doctors, the receptionist asks whats wrong and if its a bit private you try not to keep it quiet whispering and hope the receptionist doesn't say PILES. This 82 year old gent when asked whats wrong, said really loudly IT'S MY DICK. Waiting room full, The receptionist a bit taken aback said you should have said you were having a problem with your ear, He went back outside and came in again. "Hello sir, whats wrong?" It's my ear. "thats better, whats wrong with your ear" Well I can't piss out of it.

 

:eek: !!!!

 

A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them with a sack over each bird and only the legs showing. He sat on the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each of the bird's legs and give the common name, habitat, genus, species, etc.

The student looked at each of the birds legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it, the madder he got.

Finally, he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professor's desk and said, "What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?"

With that he threw his test down on the professor's desk and walked to the door. The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didn't know every student's name; as the
student reached the door, the professor called out, "Young man, what is your name?"

The enraged student pulled up his pants legs and said, "You guess, mate! You guess!"

 

An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association.

A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him.

"What was the name of the Instructor?" asked the neighbor.

"Oh, ummmm, let's see," the old man pondered. "You know that flower, you know, the one that smells really nice but has those prickly thorns, what's that flower's name?"

"A rose?" asked the neighbor.

"Yes, that's it," replied the old man. He then turned toward his house and shouted, "Hey, Rose, what's the name of the Instructor we took the memory class from?

 

Gardening is better than sex?

Your partner will never say 'Not again, we just gardened last week!'

Nobody expects you to garden with the same partner your whole life.

Nobody will tell you that you will go blind if you garden by yourself.

You never hear anybody say 'Is gardening all you ever think about?'

You'll always be able to garden no matter how old you are!


(anybody add any more?)

 

You can wear your wellies without being called kinky.

 

On the way home last night I ordered a thin crispy Supreme from the pizza shop...They gave me Diana Ross :rolleyes:

 

OOh! Steady on there Paladin!